So this is what happens when Cabin Fever has a party with Writer's Block...

Have you been outside lately?
It smells of adventure...

I haven't felt terribly adventurous lately. I'm very hum-drum, it seems--all wrapped up in cleaning, laundry, desk job, paper-pushing (usually in its more modern form of email-pushing), car-needs-oil changed, bed-buying, unpacking, loafing around....... I'm all grown-uppish lately, and ... it's weird.

Of course, the fact that it's 3:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday with the weekend too far away to be effective, that might have something to do with the current mood.

The office is getting claustrophobic--let me out!

I know the sun is shining and it's warm... somewhere. All I have to do--is find it.

I want to run and skip and play and shout and sing and breathe the fresh air! I want to have an adventure but I'm so out of practice that... do I know how to begin anymore?

When did adventure become relegated to video games?

Don't mind me, I'm just spilling the thoughts whirling around in my head onto the screen--the thoughts and half-thoughts that go tumbling around in there, chasing after each other in a madcap fashion, bent on--

Getting me into Trouble.

Because, really, who does that anymore? Who would want to reveal the innermost workings of their thoughts, and heart, and soul? It isn't Right, it isn't Safe, it isn't DECENT--put your clothes back on! No one wants to see that!

But we do.

Why do you think "Reality" TV shows make so many talentless people famous? We think we're getting a glimpse of them that no one usually would ever get to see--and we lap it up. Who doesn't want to see the innermost machinations of other people?

But it does get Uncomfortable, doesn't it?

Because sometimes we see things we don't really want to. Sometimes we look into another person's bared heart and see something there that mirrors our own--something we've been trying to forget about ourselves.

Sometimes we see something in another's heart that reminds us that they are a real person, like us, and yet so vastly & terribly different from us.

Or, instead, we might catch a glimpse of Pain and wonder, "Did I cause that? Am I supposed to Fix that?" And we feel woefully inadequate because we don't even know what to do with our own pain--let alone someone else's!

So we call such Nakedness of the Soul indecent, unsafe, and unwelcome.

But I long for it.

I've been told such a trait is common among Introverts. That we find small talk depressing because we yearn for an actual connection with people we take the time to talk to. I don't know if it's an Introvert thing, or simply a Human thing, but I know I do.

It is a rare occurrence indeed, to actually connect with people.To look them in the eye and see someone willing to be a Real Person with you, someone who will rip down the walls we build to protect ourselves and others from....... from... well, I'm not entirely certain anymore what we think we're protected/ing from. Pain, of some sort, I'm sure.

But Living means Pain, doesn't it? To be truly, joyously, abundantly living--that means we will feel pain.

I was in a show a few years ago, and something my character said has stuck with me ever since.

"I'd rather feel pain than feel nothing."

I know this could be seen as an excuse for cutting, but no worries--I dislike physical discomfort too much for that! But I would far rather suffer the pain of rejection and heartache and regret than allow indecision and fear to immobilize me--at least, I would like to think so.

I said earlier that I was feeling a bit lacking in adventure. That's the cabin fever talking, most likely--but I know that I can get caught up in the hum-drum of everyday life. I forget, sometimes, the Truths I've learned over the years.

Nothing about Life is "hum-drum".

It's Wonderful!! No, really, bear with me here. Indulge my gross indecency a bit longer, because this is something big--I can feel it! (gutter minds, yes I went there too, shut up!)

The pastor at the church I attend preached this past Sunday on "The Walking Dead"--not the tv show--think Lazarus.

But he didn't preach on the usual. He opened by saying he wanted to talk about the relationship between Death and Life.

For us to truly Live, we must first Die.

I've heard this story so many times I could rattle it off to you without a hesitation (did I mention I'm a church-kid?), but this take on it really made me think. Not that I haven't heard the premise before...but....... I hadn't heard it quite this way.

Pastor Mike asked: What does it mean, to live like a Dead Man (or Woman)?

And by Dead, he meant dying to self, dying to all those Fallen tendencies we have like selfishness, pride, greed, lying, prejudice, the like. We can only Live with Christ when we Die to our Selves.

So to Live Abundantly we must Live like the dead.

Why would the dead get angry over a parking ticket? It doesn't matter to a dead person.
I'm a dead woman, who cares about that argument? Let's just enjoy the time we have together.
So I didn't get the dessert I wanted--I got fed, and that's more than most dead people can say!

Interesting way to look at it, isn't it.

I want to try it, and I think it might have something to do with the idea discussed last post.

Because what comes more naturally to a Dead person than praising the One who offers Life?

"All thy works shall praise thee, O LORD; and thy saints shall bless thee.
They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power;
To make known to the sons of men his mighty acts, and the glorious majesty of his kingdom.
Thy kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and thy dominion endureth throughout all generations.
The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down.
The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thout givest them their meat in due season.
Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works."
Psalm 145: 10-17 kjv