Oh My goodness that just happened...

So I know, as a rule: People are not the brightest. I do hope the day never comes when I cease to be entertained by this! :D

Sitting here at my desk I watched what appeared to be a middle school aged (or high school? they get littler every year... yes, I said "littler", and if you don't understand what I meant by that, it's like a combination of "smaller" and "younger" with additional connotations, I'm not just being grammatically exasperating) person come in, wander into a random office--I mean it was obviously a random office to him, yes I knew whose it was--and ask for a pencil.

That was funny in and of itself. Then he tried to exit via the glass double-doors from whence he'd come. I heard him push against them, give a startled "Let me out!!", and upon not receiving any help from the other side he wandered back toward my desk with a look of curiosity and vague puzzlement. He mentioned "I got locked out", before he was startled by the sound of someone else opening the (unlocked) door and walking in. "Oh!" he exclaimed, and hurried away, out through the door the kindly gentleman held open for him.

The gentleman (one of my bosses) saw the startled bewilderment (fast headed toward amusement) on my face and smirked as he explained "One door locked, the other not, the kid had a 50/50 chance."

Sometimes the odds just aren't in your favour... though I would think the sign dictating "Please use Other Door" would've helped his odds a bit, but not enough I s'pose.

Several morals could be deduced I think:

1. Be careful what doors you have to pass when questing for a pencil.
2. If you must pass through a door, try not to let it fall shut again until you know it can be opened from the other side (it was C.S.Lewis who said not to close the door of a Wardrobe behind you!)
3. If you think a door is locked, try the other one.
4. Don't overestimate the intelligence of children--their brains are still developing.
5. Don't overestimate the intelligence of people--reading is not as common a skill as you might think.
6. Bosses have a sense of humour too.
7. Whining won't get the door to open, though wandering away from it might.
8. Your little sister will not help you--she'll probably just point and laugh.
9. If you entered through one of the double-doors, that's probably the one that's unlocked.
10. How badly do you want that pencil?

Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed our little jaunt into "what can we learn from what was just seen". I kind of like that type of writing, perhaps we'll go there more often... ;) If you'd rather not & all that just sounded arrogant & self-righteous, let me know. I can't guarantee that'll change anything, but it's nice to know what folks think.

Weddings...

I think I can take the cake as the LEAST organized bride ever...

Yeah, it happened over a week ago & I'm getting around to writing about it now, get over it! :P

Pictures aren't quite in yet, the photographer is in the editing phase, but she does have a few that she's posted on the Book of Faces, and I would love to share some with you here. The watermark is included, because I have no problem doing some free advertising for her--she's that good!

Isn't that cool? ;)

Bah, nearing the end of the workday & about to go home... I get to go home to a husband now--no lie, I'm super excited about that. :D Suddenly life seems happier!

But as I was saying, the lovely blog post I was actually planning is not going to happen today. Alas. Perhaps tomorrow? Who knows... maybe the Docter ;) But enough rambling.

See you tomorrow, you lovely lovely people!

Procrastinating Again...

That's right... ;)

Okay, not really procrastinating, I have simply come to an impasse.

Before I can respond to those Facebook messages, I need to listen to the voicemails left for me on my phone, and my phone went awol today. (Fine, I really forgot it at home, but it's more fun to say it went awol...)

Before I can write a grocery list I need to make a menu, but I don't want to make one by myself, I want to get my husband's (snicker, I have a HUSBAND now, and he's friggan awesome! Booyah!) input so I'm not making unilateral decisions that end up in making stuff we won't like... okay fine, I don't want to make unilateral decisions at all (I just like that word, "unilateral", say it a few times--it feels cool!).

I can't text anyone I would want to, see aforementioned awol cell device...

I sent pictures to the person I was supposed to...

Okay fine, I s'pose I CAN go email that person... fine... *sigh* I've been avoiding the awkward, but I can't anymore.... I'll be back...

Whew, that's done... Now, where were we?

I have a new favorite response to those idle small-talk questions people aren't really listening for an answer to... It's delightful seeing the looks on people's faces! ;D

How are you doing today?
                     Married. :)

What did you do over Spring Break?
                     Oh, got married. ;)

How's life these days?
                     It's great, I'm married! :D

I did have to laugh out loud, one of my dear coworkers asked me:

"Are you getting back to normal now that the wedding is over?"

Normal? Whatever normal Was, it will never be the same now. Normal is entirely new and different, it has crossed over into an entirely surreal genre that I've never been a part of before. Normal? Pshaw.

I know not this "normal" of which you speak.

Besides, why would I want life to get back to what it was before? Life before was good, yes, but isn't the whole point of getting married because you want something different than what you had? Okay, not the WHOLE point, but ... well...

Getting married means that you are chasing something different than you were before. It means new priorities, new living arrangements, new focal point, new commitments, new ... so much new it's unreal!

Yes, some things stay the same. I am not an entirely different person--that too would have defeated the purpose of getting married. But... the normal of then will never be again.

And I'm delighted.

Mer

Hello All!

No lie, I'm typing here because I'm supposed to be sorting stuff... and I keep nodding off while I'm sorting the paperwork stuff! No, literally (not metaphorically!), my head keeps falling forward in its effort to convince me that the effort of staying awake simply isn't worh the while!

So I'll take a break to type...

Ah yes, that did the trick, now the majority of the sorting is done, all that's left is alphabetizing...

That's right, I have a desk job. :P Insert snide comments here: __________

I'm getting married in, what... FIVE DAYS!!!... I can't come up with snarky right now, sorry!!

Blues

Here they are again, the pesky things.

I never know when they will invade, the melancholies. I like to think they are a random happenstance, that they strike without warning... but I know better. There is always a trigger, I just don't like admitting what it is most of the time. And no, stupidheads, it is NOT that "time of the month". :P

Even so, this is a remarkably irritating time to be hit with them. My birthday is this weekend, and I'm getting married next weekend--what is wrong with me that right now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry???

The temptation at this point is to think of myself as something worthless and broken--which I know is not true. Thankfully God has blessed me with many friends who have been able to open up with me & let me know that this way of feeling is perfectly normal for... well, for artists. For other people too, but for some reason the overactive imaginations that lead (or drag) a person to the arts also seems to lead to depression. And it's utterly ridiculous for me to feel this way right now, because I am one of the most blessed women in the world on the brink of what is supposed to be the happiest time/day of my life. I'm in the prime of my life (turning 25 on Saturday), about to marry the man of my craziest dreams, employed at a fantastic job with phenomenal people, talented, pretty, articulate, and loved by the Creator of the Universe (and I apparently know way too many adjectives...)!

But all it takes is one little thing--so tiny I'm not even sure of what it IS exactly--and that triggers a cascading system failure. I find myself fighting back waves of self-hatred, loathing, pity, despair, destruction, and anger at all around me and inside me. I start lashing out at my loved ones--not because they've done anything, but because I'm so angry at myself for feeling this way that the angst seeps into every part of my day. And that in turn makes me hate myself more and get angrier for what I'm doing to those around me, and it all turns into a vicious cycle--to be incredibly cliche about it all.

Writing helps though. Which brings me here, to this therapy-session of a blog post.

Wow, it's amazing the perspective a mere few hours will bring! I started this post this morning, and already by mid-afternoon life is looking fresher...

On a less depressing note... ;) Because who needs more emo? Blech... :P

"A fire drill demands a fire."
"When I drive, I think of squirrels as bonus points."
"I write... Therefore, I am your Agent of Chaos."
"Writer's Block? Dye a character's hair Hot Pink, then watch what happens."

Thank you Facebook Flair. ;)

Also, tomorrow is Friday! We're having a meeting at work tomorrow morning, and there will be breakfast coffee & pastries! Doesn't that sound wonderful? What's not to love about breakfast pastry?

Well, I hafta go. Almost leaving time, and I have to go home & take care of this ... well, this bristly clear hair growing out of the bridge of my nose. It's becoming a problem & I need to take care of it.

...yeah... on that note, happy Thursday all!

Magic Spells

I admit, most of the time when I begin to write these posts I try to have some spark of an idea... well, sometimes... okay, so the novelty of it would be nice every once in a while!

I'm getting married in 11 days.

10 days, 23 hours, and 24 minutes, to be exact. That's when the ceremony will begin... (that was almost a very emphatic statement--I slipped and hit the capslock button, it was scary even for me!!)

The rsvps have been coming in steadily--we sent out 105 & I've received back 25... then the whole church family has yet to respond via email. Then again, they probably will just show up, as family is wont to do... bless their hearts.

There are certain questions I keep getting asked: "Are you excited?" "Are you nervous?" "Are you ready?" and the ever dreaded "Where's your honeymoon going to be?"

Please. Like I'm telling ANYONE where the honeymoon is going to be! Even if I had all the particulars (which I don't, and I'm fine with, though I do have more of them than I've been letting on), whyever would I tell?? I've been privy to far too many prankster's secrets to fall prey to that kind of trick.

Is it paranoia if people really are out to get you?

I'm feeling oddly uncreative today, which sucks. Especially because I keep getting the itch to write, but all I have to fuel it is this irritating buzzing noise going around in my head. You know that buzzing...

Like a monster mosquito that has its own personal invisibility cloak.

How to swat that mosquito though?

I was reading back over some of the ramblings I've subjected you all to on this blog (ugh, still an awful word!), and rediscovered one of my favorite quotes:

"Know all the Questions,
But not all the Answers.
Look for the Different
Instead of the Same.
Never Walk where
There's room for Running.
Don't do Anything
That can't be a Game."

It's a magic spell from a book called "The Changeling" written by Zilpha Keatley Snyder--a spell to keep people from Growing Up. I know I wrote on this before, but I wanted to touch on it again from a different perspective. After all--new day, new point of view. I am no longer the same person I was yesterday, I'm an entirely New Creature.

I've been slacking off as far as my goal of Never Growing Up is concerned. I've allowed myself to get caught up in all kinds of grown-uppish pursuits, and I'm really not very happy about it. (That capslock key again...)

I haven't gone running or skipping in forever--I have a job behind a desk now, so the movement I do is mostly just walking. I should change that. I want to skip more, to run more, to jump around and swing on the monkeybars more. Aside from the grown-uppish motivation of "this will help me stay in shape!", I want to see and laugh at the looks on people's faces when they see a 20something skipping down the sidewalk... and, oddly enough, skipping just makes me happy. It feels like I'm flying a little bit when I skip...

Games! I used to play games ALL THE TIME... everything was a game--from talking to the Naiad who lived in the drainage ditch, to writing a whole new character when I was supposed to be doing my math homework. In college if we had down time we would play Signs&Signals, or chess, or cards, or even DuckDuckGoose. I played pretend under a variety of guises, word games, board games, card games, and video games... And the work we had was turned into a game too... Treating things like a game adds an air of carefree boldness to life that I feel I've been lacking. When did I start taking myself and the world so seriously? It's not like any of us make it out alive anyway! ;) Now the question: how do I find that attitude again?

I think that knowing the questions & not knowing the answers is something that I never really lost--I admit, I do enjoy being able to share the Answers I've found, but I still enjoy asking Questions more... :)

Look for the Different instead of the Same... now there's one to chew on! In moving back to Illinois I think I've been doing a lot of seeing the Same, which is quite probably why I felt so intimidated and angsty at moving back. But here it is--there's always something Different to find. Fiance (still not sure on the ee's there...?) has been telling me this for a while, and I should have been listening: "It's not the same place you left behind." So there's the Question: what's Different? What's New? There's a lot, I know there is, but I should never stop looking for it. When I make the Same Old Thing my confort zone, that's when I run into trouble.

Instead, it's the inquiring mind that stays young. Asking Questions, seeking out Differences to learn from, playing Games, and always Running forward.

Or skipping. ;)