Yep, I totally forgot how to spell it, so I went for the alternative instead. What's your point? Hmm?
I feel like I've been harping on love lately, but it's kind of been intriguing me, so I'll continue to write on what intrigues me. Besides, harps sound lovely, right?
But then comes the strange position I find myself in, what's left to write? Not to say that I've already written everything I have to say about it, but rather that so much has been written about it already, what's left to say?
Next time I'm in a poetic muse I shall attempt a poem around the line "love does not force, and force does not yield." It was already in one of my others, but I'd like to expand on the idea.
Love hopes, it dreams, it supports and holds,
Love whispers and shouts, it makes cowards bold.
Love is strangely demure, it pursues without taking,
Strangely strong, the heart never stops breaking.
Bah, I'd better stop forcing it, before disaster happens.... Still, it's something to keep in mind.
But still, what a crazy phenomenon this love is.
I had someone tell me lately that humans invented God to give a name to that third voice in the head, the "conscience", that the voice being named "God" was just another one in the head.
I've been turning this idea over in my head ever since, chewing on it, if you will. It sounds like a very plausible theory, but being a Christ follower makes one or two things more difficult to reconcile with this than I can... wow, no idea where that sentence was heading, sorry folks. Let's just say that I can't reconcile that idea with what actually happens in my head.
Elaboration! :)
For one, there are a lot more than three voices in my head. Maybe it's because I'm a writer & an actor, but I listen to a lot of characters in there, and I've never bothered to count how many there are, but there's a lot more than three. However, having heard that still small Voice a few times, I can say with assurance that there is something Different about that Voice.
Having spent a number of years trying to listen to God, and trying to shape myself to His will, I've learned a couple of things about distinguishing His Voice from the cacophony of others in my head. One of the more telling signs that it really is God talking & not just myself is that He's a lot more persistent. It sounds trivial, I know, but you others who try to hear Him may know, it can be hard to tell when He's the one talking sometimes! But unlike all the other voices, He doesn't go away if He wants me to do or say something. There were a couple of occasions where the Voice just wouldn't go away, so I found myself going & doing what It told me to just because He wouldn't shut up about it!
Another difference is the things this Voice says. All the other voices, be they characters or manifestations of my own will, are generally consistent with what I know myself to be like in personality & knowledge. But this Voice will urge me to do something I see no reason to do, or It may tell me to say things I would usually never say. If I do & say these things the results are usually amazing, though sometimes I don't get to see the result. If I don't, the mundane is generally left uninterrupted. But the thing here that triggers obedience to this particular Voice is when it tells me to do something so utterly out of my comfort zone, or so out of the ordinary. I would never come up with these ideas! Sometimes no one I know would. But there they are, spoken of by that Voice.
Sometimes it's annoying, I admit. Like when I'm faced with huge arguments against my God--something I've been training & preparing for the majority of my life. But instead of reminding me of the arguments I know I've learned, this Voice wipes them all from my mind, and instead tells me "This isn't the time for that, just listen. No no, you heard me, just be quiet & listen." Then I get all confused and the Voice just smiles at me and says "you mean you don't trust Me by now? Come on, I'll tell you why, but this important, you need to hear this."
So yeah, I'm not positing this as any kind of elegant defense for Christianity, please don't confuse this for that. This is just what's been going through my head for a while, & consequently spilled out into type.
Do with it what you will.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
One of those Days...
Yep, here I am again, typing away about nonsense... seriously living up to the title I picked for this blog... I'm never sure if that's a good thing or not, but I'm going to act like it is until someone proves differently... ;)
What do I usually write about here? I'll have to go back & check, because I'm having trouble remembering... I want to write, but I don't know what to write about. Heck, I can't even remember what I usually write about! Maybe it's time for that idea I had a while ago, yes, I think I'll try that...
Once upon a time, long long ago, in a place that is far, far away
There lived a small boy. Now when I say he was a small boy I do not mean that he was overly tiny, though he was rather short for his age--which was about 10. The boy was pale-skinned under his multitude of freckles, and had hair that was strawberry-blond. His nose was a little bit of a thing, and slightly turned up at the end. His mouth was very somber and not at all prone to smiling--though when he did the result was delightful.
His eyes, you ask? What about his eyes? Well now, they were a tad peculiar. They weren't really green, though they seemed so at times. They were not really blue, but they looked like it when the boy was happy. Nor were they completely grey, brown, purple, or any other really definable color. Grey would probably be the closest that describes their colour, but ... well, it simply doesn't fit. The boy's eyes were every color, and no color at all.
What is his name? What, haven't I told you yet? Oh goodness, how ridiculous of me! The boy's name was Tom. At least, that's what we will call him for the sake of sanity. You see, his full name was Thomason Patrick Julius Gerard Brodine Carlton. But we'll just call him Tom, if you don't mind.
Well, now that you know Tom, allow me to continue...
Next time, that is, because it's now time for me to go. :) Bye!
What do I usually write about here? I'll have to go back & check, because I'm having trouble remembering... I want to write, but I don't know what to write about. Heck, I can't even remember what I usually write about! Maybe it's time for that idea I had a while ago, yes, I think I'll try that...
Once upon a time, long long ago, in a place that is far, far away
There lived a small boy. Now when I say he was a small boy I do not mean that he was overly tiny, though he was rather short for his age--which was about 10. The boy was pale-skinned under his multitude of freckles, and had hair that was strawberry-blond. His nose was a little bit of a thing, and slightly turned up at the end. His mouth was very somber and not at all prone to smiling--though when he did the result was delightful.
His eyes, you ask? What about his eyes? Well now, they were a tad peculiar. They weren't really green, though they seemed so at times. They were not really blue, but they looked like it when the boy was happy. Nor were they completely grey, brown, purple, or any other really definable color. Grey would probably be the closest that describes their colour, but ... well, it simply doesn't fit. The boy's eyes were every color, and no color at all.
What is his name? What, haven't I told you yet? Oh goodness, how ridiculous of me! The boy's name was Tom. At least, that's what we will call him for the sake of sanity. You see, his full name was Thomason Patrick Julius Gerard Brodine Carlton. But we'll just call him Tom, if you don't mind.
Well, now that you know Tom, allow me to continue...
Next time, that is, because it's now time for me to go. :) Bye!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Good 'N Cold
That's what my Dr. Pepper is telling me right now... Not sure I want to follow its example...
So I read "Howl's Moving Castle" yesterday--it's by Diana Wynne Jones (absolutely amazing middle name, by the way, who came up with that one? Props to them!), and it was a really fun read! A friend of mine introduced it to me by way of showing the movie, and while the two are rather dissimilar neither is really ruined by the other, so that's all well & good. The friend said that I reminded him of Sophie, the protaganist in the story, & I understand why now. I think we would get along very well--though I doubt anyone else would be happy about it... :D But I wanted to comment briefly on something I think was really remarkable about this story: it is mostly about an old woman. Most sci-fi is about people in the prime of their life, or immortal people frozen in the prime of their life. In this story Sophie is bespelled by a witch to become a 90ish woman, and she remains that way for the majority of the story. It gave the whole thing a refreshing flavour, something new, and I rather enjoyed it. I think I'll try some more of Diana Wynne Jones... Especially since I have a library card again... :)
I hate it when this happens... I think of so many things that I want to write about, but I get here to my blog & sit down to actually write something & one of two things happens. 1. I completely forget everything I was excited about writing until it's time to leave or 2. I realize that if I actually put that into writing there are certain people that may read it that will most certainly not take it the way it's intended & it will come back to bite me hard. :P Today it's the former. Bah.
So I guess I'll write about something else. I've got a few minutes, so I can afford to just ramble for a bit until something comes to mind.
Oh wait! I remember!!
Yesterday I was told, again, that I think too much. I find this extremely ironic, mainly because the person who told me this yesterday & the other person who has told me this most often in life are two people who probably hate each other's guts & would despise the thought of agreeing about anything. Yet here they are, both telling me I think too much.
Well, maybe I do. But I would far rather be accused of that than be guilty of not thinking enough. In my estimation, over-analysis is a far lesser sin than that of thoughtlessness.
I heard a chapel speaker say once something to the effect of "if that comment went over your head, then perhaps it's not the comment's height you should worry about so much as the stature of your head." I laugh because it's true....
Sorry if this sounds bitter. It's one of those phrases that I've heard a lot in life, mostly yanking me back to earth when I go flying off into wonder at how a seemingly lifeless seed is transformed into a huge tree, or how the dance of the stars is mirrored by the swirling of an atom. I try to share my wonder & get in return "you think too much". I know yesterday's comment wasn't meant that way, but it brought back some... interesting... memories.
So yeah, think too much, do I? If only I knew how to type a raspberry... FIE upon thee!! :P
That's all for now. I'm off to think some more.
So I read "Howl's Moving Castle" yesterday--it's by Diana Wynne Jones (absolutely amazing middle name, by the way, who came up with that one? Props to them!), and it was a really fun read! A friend of mine introduced it to me by way of showing the movie, and while the two are rather dissimilar neither is really ruined by the other, so that's all well & good. The friend said that I reminded him of Sophie, the protaganist in the story, & I understand why now. I think we would get along very well--though I doubt anyone else would be happy about it... :D But I wanted to comment briefly on something I think was really remarkable about this story: it is mostly about an old woman. Most sci-fi is about people in the prime of their life, or immortal people frozen in the prime of their life. In this story Sophie is bespelled by a witch to become a 90ish woman, and she remains that way for the majority of the story. It gave the whole thing a refreshing flavour, something new, and I rather enjoyed it. I think I'll try some more of Diana Wynne Jones... Especially since I have a library card again... :)
I hate it when this happens... I think of so many things that I want to write about, but I get here to my blog & sit down to actually write something & one of two things happens. 1. I completely forget everything I was excited about writing until it's time to leave or 2. I realize that if I actually put that into writing there are certain people that may read it that will most certainly not take it the way it's intended & it will come back to bite me hard. :P Today it's the former. Bah.
So I guess I'll write about something else. I've got a few minutes, so I can afford to just ramble for a bit until something comes to mind.
Oh wait! I remember!!
Yesterday I was told, again, that I think too much. I find this extremely ironic, mainly because the person who told me this yesterday & the other person who has told me this most often in life are two people who probably hate each other's guts & would despise the thought of agreeing about anything. Yet here they are, both telling me I think too much.
Well, maybe I do. But I would far rather be accused of that than be guilty of not thinking enough. In my estimation, over-analysis is a far lesser sin than that of thoughtlessness.
I heard a chapel speaker say once something to the effect of "if that comment went over your head, then perhaps it's not the comment's height you should worry about so much as the stature of your head." I laugh because it's true....
Sorry if this sounds bitter. It's one of those phrases that I've heard a lot in life, mostly yanking me back to earth when I go flying off into wonder at how a seemingly lifeless seed is transformed into a huge tree, or how the dance of the stars is mirrored by the swirling of an atom. I try to share my wonder & get in return "you think too much". I know yesterday's comment wasn't meant that way, but it brought back some... interesting... memories.
So yeah, think too much, do I? If only I knew how to type a raspberry... FIE upon thee!! :P
That's all for now. I'm off to think some more.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Kids & Hot Chocolate
I'm slightly terrified at this very moment.
Okay, so that might be a bit of an overstatement... terrified is probably too strong a word for this, apprehensive maybe would fit better... but regardless, this evening kind of fills me with a feeling approaching fear.
I may be losing my voice.
I'm about to direct 20 children in a musical rehearsal.
Bah.
I've been doing so well at denying any possibility that I might be sick, then I woke up yesterday with a raging headache that lasted all day & the kind of sticky awfulness in the throat that makes you really not want to swallow. (Get your minds out of the gutter, you dirty people!!) But I persevered & made it through rehearsal last night--as an actor.
Now I have to direct. Heaven, help me!
Not that I don't love these kids, they are wonderful people. But only one or two of them is ever quiet for any significant length of time.
But I'm well-armed with my mug of hot chocolate (made with almond milk, so no gumming up the throat :), my death-glare, and my counting fingers. With these weapons I intend to quell the chattering hoards (is that spelled correctly? I don't even care right now), and make it home victorious to chicken broth in some form & tea... I like tea, with honey, yes, lots of honey...
I hate being sick. It makes me whiny & I really detest myself when I'm whiny. :P
Yep. That's life at the moment. There's so much that needs to get done, but if you think I'm a bit scatterbrained when I'm well you should see what this head is like when it's not feeling well. Whew! Good luck deciphering whatever's going on in here, I don't want to try...
But looks like people are showing up for rehearsal, so I hafta go. Later!
Watch out for the cats, they're trying to take over the world you know!
Okay, so that might be a bit of an overstatement... terrified is probably too strong a word for this, apprehensive maybe would fit better... but regardless, this evening kind of fills me with a feeling approaching fear.
I may be losing my voice.
I'm about to direct 20 children in a musical rehearsal.
Bah.
I've been doing so well at denying any possibility that I might be sick, then I woke up yesterday with a raging headache that lasted all day & the kind of sticky awfulness in the throat that makes you really not want to swallow. (Get your minds out of the gutter, you dirty people!!) But I persevered & made it through rehearsal last night--as an actor.
Now I have to direct. Heaven, help me!
Not that I don't love these kids, they are wonderful people. But only one or two of them is ever quiet for any significant length of time.
But I'm well-armed with my mug of hot chocolate (made with almond milk, so no gumming up the throat :), my death-glare, and my counting fingers. With these weapons I intend to quell the chattering hoards (is that spelled correctly? I don't even care right now), and make it home victorious to chicken broth in some form & tea... I like tea, with honey, yes, lots of honey...
I hate being sick. It makes me whiny & I really detest myself when I'm whiny. :P
Yep. That's life at the moment. There's so much that needs to get done, but if you think I'm a bit scatterbrained when I'm well you should see what this head is like when it's not feeling well. Whew! Good luck deciphering whatever's going on in here, I don't want to try...
But looks like people are showing up for rehearsal, so I hafta go. Later!
Watch out for the cats, they're trying to take over the world you know!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Apple Pie
I remember now why I always get cherrie when I go to McDonald's... it's because I really just don't like the apple... but I got two accidentally, anyone want one? :P
So there's a subject that has been making my fingers itch for a while... I've been drafting it in my head for days now, so I'm going to finally type it out, I'm glad you folks don't mind being subjected to this kind of thing. :)
In the church we joke about how one of the most dangerous prayers you can pray is "Lord, give me patience." It's dangerous because God answers, usually with a "okay, sure!", but He doesn't do so in the way we want Him to. Usually He gives patience by putting us in situations that require us to exercise it--you know what I'm talking about. Someone in our life that's exceedingly annoying, losing a job & having to wait on Him to bring the right one into our lives, etc. He treats patience like any other muscle, & in order to gain more we must first develop what we have--however miniscule that amount may be.
I grew up in the church hearing the "horror stories" from people who had prayed for patience, so I know better. If God sees fit to increase my portion of patience I will let Him decide when to do that--I'm not asking for it!! But I think I've discovered some prayers more dangerous by far.
They are two, and I admit, I was warned. But I dared to pray them anyway.
Lord-my-Love, teach me to love like You do.
God-my-King, teach me to see people the way You see them.
Crazy, right? Who in their right mind prays that?!
Then again... when was the last time I was in my right mind? ;)
Pray for wisdom, pray for understanding, pray for a teachable spirit, to know God's will, to be assured of His love, to be an encourager, pray for other people, intercede for the masses & your country, but pray to love like He does, to see like He does? That's madness!
And so very worth it.
His love is so amazing that even being able to understand the merest shadow of it is breathtaking!
I may bore you church kids with this, but bear with me, yeah? 1 Corinthians 13 in the New King James Version reads thus:
"1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
2.And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5. does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6. does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
9. For we know in part and we prophecy in part.
10. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
A whole chapter, devoted to describing love & its excellence. I know it's traditionally read at weddings, and all that blahblahblah... but Paul wrote it originally to the church in Corinth, not to a couple. This love he's describing is not meant to be restrained to the love shared between marriedish folk, it's supposed to be a love shared by God's people within the Church & without, yeah? Sooo... wow, can you imagine if it was?
I mean, seriously, look at this crazy kind of love. It's kind in the midst of suffering--no matter how long it suffers it never stops being kind in return. This love does not envy--it doesn't feel resentful or spiteful at seeing other people's success, it's happy for them instead. Love does not parade itself--I believe some other translations read that it doesn't brag about itself. It is not puffed up, thinking no more of itself than it ought. Love does not behave rudely, it's always polite. It doesn't seek its own, but is always thinking of how to benefit others. It's not provoked--this could be helped by not being puffed up, it's hard to make someone angry if they are truly humble. It thinks no evil--perhaps always giving someone the benefit of the doubt, extending grace & mercy to those who do not deserve it. Love does not rejoice in iniquity--sin, wickedness, bad things we do, for the benefit of those who don't speak churchese--but instead rejoices in the truth. This relationship between love & truth is important, I'll get back to it later, but keep it in mind. Love bears all things, nothing can make it stop. Love believes all things, not in a gullible fashion, but in keeping with wisdom & thinking no evil & rejoicing in truth. Love hopes all things, recognizing that with God, all things are possible. It endures all things, no matter the pain inflicted upon it, it persists.
Love never fails.
I wish my love was like this. I would like to think it's getting there, but some days I have to wonder. Some of these things sound like I could say "yeah, that's me". But others... I'm so far away from some of the others.
And without this love? Everything is worthless. It really doesn't matter how good I am, what I do, what I know, even who I know is pointless if I don't have this love. Everything about me will fade away, except for what is done in love. Someone said once that "no one cares what you do, all they'll remember is how you made them feel."
I want to make them feel loved.
1 John is a book that kind of mystified me for a while, so naturally I became obsessed with trying to figure it out. Then I figured out that I will never have the Bible all figured out, but I still tried! 1 John does reveal a lot upon further study that was completely hidden to me the first few times I read it.
The main thing that mystified me was the very last verse. The whole book seems to be about love, and what it looks like, how to discern perfect from imperfect love, etc. Then the last verse seems to pop out of no where: "Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen."
I mean seriously, what?!
Love, truth, love love love, overcomers, truth, love & truth, truth & love, oh & stay away from those idols kids, bye.
???
(Maybe you're smarter than me & this is one of those "duh Rachel, gosh" moments for you... if it is, well... go read some other blog! :P okay, no really, just bear with me, please?)
I read it, I circled all the times "love" came up, I underlined "truth", I drew little arrows to all the "therefores" (you know, to see what the therefore is there for... sorry, it had to be said), highlighted "overcome" in blue, highlighted every mention of God in gold, I mean I seriously dissected this book trying to figure this out!
Then it hit me, & I honestly felt like an idiot for it taking so long.
John calls the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13, God's love, "Perfect love". He has a lot to say about it too, for being one of the smaller books in the Scriptures, 1 John uses the word "love" 46 times, mind you that's my own imperfect count based on NKJV, but still, that's a lot for 5 chapters! One thing he had to say about it really hit home with me though. It came in 1 John 4:18.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."
Wow.
No fear. Idolatry? Any love that does not originate in God or focus on Him brings fear with it. Whether it is inflicting fear on others or on oneself, bent love is fearful. Back to 1 Corinthians 13, perfect love has no need to fear, it hopes all things, believes all things, bears all thing, and it never fails. No matter what happens, that Love is unafraid.
But it is very easy, extremely easy, for love to become bent--unless I am constantly on my guard against that. And that's where the idols come in. Love has a very close relationship to truth--"truth", or some derivation of the word, is used at least 18 times in these 5 chapters (again, that's just my amateur count)--and perfect love cannot be seperated from the truth.
Perfect love sees the truth in the object of its love, and persists in loving. Not only does it love "in spite of" the truth about the beloved, it rejoices in the truth it sees!! But just being able to see the truth is not enough, the truth needs must be seen and spoken in love, otherwise it is twisted. I might even go so far as to say the truth about someone can't be recognized except by Love.
But I was talking about the idols too. Human nature is a nature that needs something to worship. Even when it claims to not believe in anything worthy of worship it ends up worshipping something--like itself. Love is something desired by everyone, but without the truth it leads to idolatry. If love is not perfected in the Truth, it can go very wrong.
So when John warned: "keep yourselves from idols", it seems to fit a little better after recognizing how easily perfect love can fall to imperfection.
Anyhoo... That's probably not the last I'll write on this, but that's all for tonight. I need to go home & let the poor dog outside. :)
Don't get mauled by bears!
So there's a subject that has been making my fingers itch for a while... I've been drafting it in my head for days now, so I'm going to finally type it out, I'm glad you folks don't mind being subjected to this kind of thing. :)
In the church we joke about how one of the most dangerous prayers you can pray is "Lord, give me patience." It's dangerous because God answers, usually with a "okay, sure!", but He doesn't do so in the way we want Him to. Usually He gives patience by putting us in situations that require us to exercise it--you know what I'm talking about. Someone in our life that's exceedingly annoying, losing a job & having to wait on Him to bring the right one into our lives, etc. He treats patience like any other muscle, & in order to gain more we must first develop what we have--however miniscule that amount may be.
I grew up in the church hearing the "horror stories" from people who had prayed for patience, so I know better. If God sees fit to increase my portion of patience I will let Him decide when to do that--I'm not asking for it!! But I think I've discovered some prayers more dangerous by far.
They are two, and I admit, I was warned. But I dared to pray them anyway.
Lord-my-Love, teach me to love like You do.
God-my-King, teach me to see people the way You see them.
Crazy, right? Who in their right mind prays that?!
Then again... when was the last time I was in my right mind? ;)
Pray for wisdom, pray for understanding, pray for a teachable spirit, to know God's will, to be assured of His love, to be an encourager, pray for other people, intercede for the masses & your country, but pray to love like He does, to see like He does? That's madness!
And so very worth it.
His love is so amazing that even being able to understand the merest shadow of it is breathtaking!
I may bore you church kids with this, but bear with me, yeah? 1 Corinthians 13 in the New King James Version reads thus:
"1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
2.And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5. does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6. does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
9. For we know in part and we prophecy in part.
10. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
A whole chapter, devoted to describing love & its excellence. I know it's traditionally read at weddings, and all that blahblahblah... but Paul wrote it originally to the church in Corinth, not to a couple. This love he's describing is not meant to be restrained to the love shared between marriedish folk, it's supposed to be a love shared by God's people within the Church & without, yeah? Sooo... wow, can you imagine if it was?
I mean, seriously, look at this crazy kind of love. It's kind in the midst of suffering--no matter how long it suffers it never stops being kind in return. This love does not envy--it doesn't feel resentful or spiteful at seeing other people's success, it's happy for them instead. Love does not parade itself--I believe some other translations read that it doesn't brag about itself. It is not puffed up, thinking no more of itself than it ought. Love does not behave rudely, it's always polite. It doesn't seek its own, but is always thinking of how to benefit others. It's not provoked--this could be helped by not being puffed up, it's hard to make someone angry if they are truly humble. It thinks no evil--perhaps always giving someone the benefit of the doubt, extending grace & mercy to those who do not deserve it. Love does not rejoice in iniquity--sin, wickedness, bad things we do, for the benefit of those who don't speak churchese--but instead rejoices in the truth. This relationship between love & truth is important, I'll get back to it later, but keep it in mind. Love bears all things, nothing can make it stop. Love believes all things, not in a gullible fashion, but in keeping with wisdom & thinking no evil & rejoicing in truth. Love hopes all things, recognizing that with God, all things are possible. It endures all things, no matter the pain inflicted upon it, it persists.
Love never fails.
I wish my love was like this. I would like to think it's getting there, but some days I have to wonder. Some of these things sound like I could say "yeah, that's me". But others... I'm so far away from some of the others.
And without this love? Everything is worthless. It really doesn't matter how good I am, what I do, what I know, even who I know is pointless if I don't have this love. Everything about me will fade away, except for what is done in love. Someone said once that "no one cares what you do, all they'll remember is how you made them feel."
I want to make them feel loved.
1 John is a book that kind of mystified me for a while, so naturally I became obsessed with trying to figure it out. Then I figured out that I will never have the Bible all figured out, but I still tried! 1 John does reveal a lot upon further study that was completely hidden to me the first few times I read it.
The main thing that mystified me was the very last verse. The whole book seems to be about love, and what it looks like, how to discern perfect from imperfect love, etc. Then the last verse seems to pop out of no where: "Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen."
I mean seriously, what?!
Love, truth, love love love, overcomers, truth, love & truth, truth & love, oh & stay away from those idols kids, bye.
???
(Maybe you're smarter than me & this is one of those "duh Rachel, gosh" moments for you... if it is, well... go read some other blog! :P okay, no really, just bear with me, please?)
I read it, I circled all the times "love" came up, I underlined "truth", I drew little arrows to all the "therefores" (you know, to see what the therefore is there for... sorry, it had to be said), highlighted "overcome" in blue, highlighted every mention of God in gold, I mean I seriously dissected this book trying to figure this out!
Then it hit me, & I honestly felt like an idiot for it taking so long.
John calls the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13, God's love, "Perfect love". He has a lot to say about it too, for being one of the smaller books in the Scriptures, 1 John uses the word "love" 46 times, mind you that's my own imperfect count based on NKJV, but still, that's a lot for 5 chapters! One thing he had to say about it really hit home with me though. It came in 1 John 4:18.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."
Wow.
No fear. Idolatry? Any love that does not originate in God or focus on Him brings fear with it. Whether it is inflicting fear on others or on oneself, bent love is fearful. Back to 1 Corinthians 13, perfect love has no need to fear, it hopes all things, believes all things, bears all thing, and it never fails. No matter what happens, that Love is unafraid.
But it is very easy, extremely easy, for love to become bent--unless I am constantly on my guard against that. And that's where the idols come in. Love has a very close relationship to truth--"truth", or some derivation of the word, is used at least 18 times in these 5 chapters (again, that's just my amateur count)--and perfect love cannot be seperated from the truth.
Perfect love sees the truth in the object of its love, and persists in loving. Not only does it love "in spite of" the truth about the beloved, it rejoices in the truth it sees!! But just being able to see the truth is not enough, the truth needs must be seen and spoken in love, otherwise it is twisted. I might even go so far as to say the truth about someone can't be recognized except by Love.
But I was talking about the idols too. Human nature is a nature that needs something to worship. Even when it claims to not believe in anything worthy of worship it ends up worshipping something--like itself. Love is something desired by everyone, but without the truth it leads to idolatry. If love is not perfected in the Truth, it can go very wrong.
So when John warned: "keep yourselves from idols", it seems to fit a little better after recognizing how easily perfect love can fall to imperfection.
Anyhoo... That's probably not the last I'll write on this, but that's all for tonight. I need to go home & let the poor dog outside. :)
Don't get mauled by bears!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Real Quick!
I don't have long, but I wanted to post a brief update while I can...
I'm back in Monticello, we finished the long drive yesterday at 5ish in the am. I promptly went comatose until noon, when I awoke feeling like the day was going to be a slow one--and it was.
But let's back up a bit. Texas was sooooo much fun! Saturday was Mr. Grandpa's 90th birthday, & we had a big party at the church gym--complte with slide show & dinner. :) We're Baptists, wherever two or more are gathered we eat!
Sunday we went to church & Sunday school in the morning & kind of just chilled at church in the evening. There was a service, but Mom & I purposefully went an hour & a half early for the sake of seeing people, which we accomplished admirably. After the service was a fellowship soup dinner thing, and the taco soup was amazing!
But mostly, I loved getting to see the people. Some things never change, and some people only seem to change for the better. I realized while we were down there that I think New Braunfels, TX is about the closest thing I have to a "hometown". Coming on the heels of a trip to Austin, MN--my parents' hometown--this trip really highlighted for me just how much of my formative years was spent in New Braunfels, and the impact it had on my life. It was... interesting.
Oh, also! On the way back up from the sunny south, guess who I got to see! Be jealous, Bethel friends, I went through Marshall, Texas. That's right, Stacy Bone & I had dinner on Monday! :D It was so much fun to see him again.
So yeah, now it's back to life as usual... whatever that's supposed to look like. I have a nephew who's 17th birthday we're celebrating tonight. Crazy, yeah? Then there's lines to memorize, a show to block, more shows to write, people to email, a job to find, and a God to love like crazy. He's so amazing, it's hard to imagine what He sees in me somedays. But the worth of an object comes from what someone is willing to pay for it, yeah? & God paid so much for me, so I find my worth in Him. And His passion is crazy-amazing!
Anyhoo, later all! Watch out for the squirrels, they like eyeballs... ;)
I'm back in Monticello, we finished the long drive yesterday at 5ish in the am. I promptly went comatose until noon, when I awoke feeling like the day was going to be a slow one--and it was.
But let's back up a bit. Texas was sooooo much fun! Saturday was Mr. Grandpa's 90th birthday, & we had a big party at the church gym--complte with slide show & dinner. :) We're Baptists, wherever two or more are gathered we eat!
Sunday we went to church & Sunday school in the morning & kind of just chilled at church in the evening. There was a service, but Mom & I purposefully went an hour & a half early for the sake of seeing people, which we accomplished admirably. After the service was a fellowship soup dinner thing, and the taco soup was amazing!
But mostly, I loved getting to see the people. Some things never change, and some people only seem to change for the better. I realized while we were down there that I think New Braunfels, TX is about the closest thing I have to a "hometown". Coming on the heels of a trip to Austin, MN--my parents' hometown--this trip really highlighted for me just how much of my formative years was spent in New Braunfels, and the impact it had on my life. It was... interesting.
Oh, also! On the way back up from the sunny south, guess who I got to see! Be jealous, Bethel friends, I went through Marshall, Texas. That's right, Stacy Bone & I had dinner on Monday! :D It was so much fun to see him again.
So yeah, now it's back to life as usual... whatever that's supposed to look like. I have a nephew who's 17th birthday we're celebrating tonight. Crazy, yeah? Then there's lines to memorize, a show to block, more shows to write, people to email, a job to find, and a God to love like crazy. He's so amazing, it's hard to imagine what He sees in me somedays. But the worth of an object comes from what someone is willing to pay for it, yeah? & God paid so much for me, so I find my worth in Him. And His passion is crazy-amazing!
Anyhoo, later all! Watch out for the squirrels, they like eyeballs... ;)
Friday, October 8, 2010
I love my t-shirts
My apologies for not writing in a while... I've been kind of... well, not writing. So there.
Not that I haven't been thinking. I've been doing a lot of that lately. On Wedensday my parents & I undertook a 20 hour road-trip. I slept for less than half of it, & spent the rest of it not reading or writing or anything else, just thinking.
But what has it led to? What have I to show for it? 10ish hours of thought... but what did I think of?
Heck if I can remember. For the last hour I think it was something along the lines of "so tired of being in a car let me stretch!!!" But anyhoo...
I wished a lot, I rememer that. I still do, but that's beside the point.
Like right now, I wish I felt like writing more than random strings of nonsense...
I've had a lot to think about today too. Coming back to Texas has always felt a bit odd to me--I used to live here, & it's the first place we've come back to visit after moving away. When we drove back yesterday I was a bit torn between "this all feels so familiar & wonderful" and "holy cow I don't recognize ANYTHING!"
But I'm remembering. My Aunt K. & Uncle D. took us to what used to be my favorite restaurant while I lived here--the Adobe. So much had changed, but the enchiladas were still amazing, and so were the beans & rice. The menu was a lot smaller though, much of the spanish was gone & it was in mainly English (as much as is possible for a Mexican restaurant).
I had fun with my family today too. It's been years since I've seen these people--and catching up felt... well, it felt good. It's always a good time to see my Dad hang out with his brothers--they're so funny!
So yeah, I'm here in the Sunny South with family for a while... until the 20 hour car ride on Monday.
Woot!
Not that I haven't been thinking. I've been doing a lot of that lately. On Wedensday my parents & I undertook a 20 hour road-trip. I slept for less than half of it, & spent the rest of it not reading or writing or anything else, just thinking.
But what has it led to? What have I to show for it? 10ish hours of thought... but what did I think of?
Heck if I can remember. For the last hour I think it was something along the lines of "so tired of being in a car let me stretch!!!" But anyhoo...
I wished a lot, I rememer that. I still do, but that's beside the point.
Like right now, I wish I felt like writing more than random strings of nonsense...
I've had a lot to think about today too. Coming back to Texas has always felt a bit odd to me--I used to live here, & it's the first place we've come back to visit after moving away. When we drove back yesterday I was a bit torn between "this all feels so familiar & wonderful" and "holy cow I don't recognize ANYTHING!"
But I'm remembering. My Aunt K. & Uncle D. took us to what used to be my favorite restaurant while I lived here--the Adobe. So much had changed, but the enchiladas were still amazing, and so were the beans & rice. The menu was a lot smaller though, much of the spanish was gone & it was in mainly English (as much as is possible for a Mexican restaurant).
I had fun with my family today too. It's been years since I've seen these people--and catching up felt... well, it felt good. It's always a good time to see my Dad hang out with his brothers--they're so funny!
So yeah, I'm here in the Sunny South with family for a while... until the 20 hour car ride on Monday.
Woot!
Monday, October 4, 2010
What If...
So last night was the first time I wrote poetry in a good long while... Poetry is one of those things I never try to force, because when I do it ... well, it's real bad. But the Muses moved last night & I wrote for a couple of hours. I won't share everything with you, but here's one.
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child,
Sometimes I feel like a favored queen.
Sometimes my throat is choked with tears,
Sometimes my heart compels me to sing.
Sometimes I can’t take one more step,
Sometimes I laugh as I run.
Sometimes the weight is too much to bear,
Sometimes I lift for another their burden.
Sometimes I cannot see through the mist,
Sometimes the world is all too clear.
Sometimes my prayers bounce back from the ceiling,
Sometimes I know that my God can hear.
Sometimes it seems the silence is deafening,
Sometimes the music soothes my soul.
Sometimes the loneliness is shattering,
Sometimes I know I’m never alone.
Sometimes I cower with fear at my shadow,
Sometimes I’m courageous and fierce.
Sometimes I pretend and I put on a show,
Sometimes I’m genuine and sincere.
Sometimes the pain just doesn’t seem worth it,
But I remember the Love and I know that He is.
Once in a while I learn from mistakes,
Be they my own, or somebody else’s.
Once in a while I have what it takes:
The humility to admit I don’t have it.
So yeah... there it is. Take it for what you will.
Dreams are odd things, & this time I'm talking about the kind invented by the waking conscious, not the sleep-dreams. They seem so frail & whispy, sometimes they have hardly any substance at all. But when the time comes to put them away they can be so tenacious, hanging on to the imagination with a grasp that feels like strong jaws closing on the throat. What to do with them then?
Like I know. Ignore them, & hope they'll die from inattention? Does that every actually work? I'm not sure, it seems that common sense tries to starve the dream with one hand, but hope keeps feeding it with the other hile I'm not looking.
Ah dreams, such bliss in agony divine. I suppose the best thing to do with them, as with everything else, is to give them to the One who really knows what He's doing.
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