Monday, December 13, 2010

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." --John Piper

POST 50!! WOOT! :)

Wow, so many posts... what have I been talking about all this time?! :D Whatever it is I hope it gets more exciting as life goes on, & I hope I learn to type better too... ;)

Today was kind of fun & eventful & full of good stuff to write about, so I shall write about it--novel idea, I know, but I thought I'd give it a whirl!

The church I attend has a yearly Christmas tradition--actually, we have lots of them, but specifically the choir has a really beautiful tradition of singing something called a "Christmas Cantata" every year one or two Sundays before Christmas.

According to the Oxford Dictionary (as found online anyway) a cantata is "a medium-length narrative piece of music for voices with instrumental accompaniment, typically with solos, chorus, and orchestra". The word's origins are 18th century Italian. (I felt obligated to look this up when I went to write about the cantata & suddenly realized that I didn't even know what that word meant...)

Apt description for what happened this morning... mostly. There were no solos--not sure why we abstained this year, but they've been there in the past--and our "orchestra" consisted of one extremely talented pianist (seriously, this lady has some awesome skills with a piano!), but other than that it fits.

I mention all of this because I'm in the choir that performed this morning, and we've been rehearsing since September... and it was so beautiful! I don't really sing solo in front of people much--it took three years of voice lessons and a wonderful singing partner for me to muster the courage to sing a duet in college--but if I'm harmonizing in a group it's another story. My range is such that either alto or soprano is easy for me, but when I joined the choir it was lacking altos, so alto I am. We had so many fun parts to sing, it really is a fantastic experience to be a part of such an event as a choir cantata...

That was the main event of the day. Then my sisters & their broods came over to Mum & Dad's place for Sunday lunch (another tradition). I played "SlapJack" with the kids--well, we played some twisted version of that game, I think when I was teaching them my brain combined "SlapJack" and some other game that I can't remember the name of... but in any case, the hybrid that resulted is really fun, and we played all afternoon until their mums came out of the living room to drag the kiddos away.

Then we got snowed in! Well, probably not really, but this evening's church got canceled, and no one really wanted to go anywhere anyway. Instead we stayed home & watched "The Santa Clause 2" (we already watched the first one last week, number 3 will be following up sometime before Christmas, I'm sure!).

So yeah, that's what's been happening... Did I mention we sang in robes? Not my preference, but I'm the young pup of the choir & apparently robes are "in" for choirs that sing cantatas... they're kind of a hunter green, and we had a bright red... actually, I'm not sure what they're called. Sashes? They hung around our necks, were red, and had a gold "Star of Bethlehem"esque embroidered on one side.

But the robes, they zipped up in the front, yeah? Only this morning, while we're getting them on RIGHT BEFORE we go up front, mine decides it's not going to. I'm seriously struggling with it for a solid two minutes, then a guyfriend walks over, sees I'm having trouble, and decides to help me out. Sure enough, first try, he can zip it up all the way--no problem.

I felt like a five year old that couldn't get my coat zipped. Not that I wasn't grateful--but I'm pretty sure my face was as red as that neck-sash-thing... (plague on the day I started blushing!)

But oh well. Such humour is the stuff of life. Where would I get my stories if things like that didn't happen? :)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

To draw, you must close your eyes and sing. --Picasso

I like drawing. I like singing too...

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted on here... a whole, what, four days now? Yikes, sorry about that everyone! May I beg your indulgence & we can hope together that such a travesty will never occur again? (I like that word, "travesty", it's a cool word...)

First order of business: welcome new follower! I know it's kind of ... well, it's a little ... bah, I lost the word I was looking for. I don't want to use "obsessive", because that's not quite what I mean, but it will have to do for now. But that's kind of how I feel when I find myself rejoicing over every new follower. :) Followers: you make me feel all warm & fuzzy inside, like a reassurance that someone actually reads these ramblings I have the audacity to call writing. :D I love you all! And I hope to never leave you bored with what I write!

So let's see, I haven't posted since the 7th, today is the 11th (as of 48 minutes ago...), that makes 4 days I haven't written about. What's been going on in my life?

Well, I have a confession to make. I have spent more of those four days playing games than I ever want to admit. One of my faults is that I tend to be a slightly obsessive person--especially when it comes to stupid, time-sucking Facebook games. I found two a couple of days ago that have proved to be veritable crack-dens. (Does that phrase make sense? Does it have to? You get my point, right? ... Hello?) I shan't name names, but I'm fearful of what they mean for my future.

My rational/pessimistic self tells me that I'm still in the denial phase of addiction, while the rest of myself tells me that I'm a better manager of my time now, and can allow myself to indulge in a couple of frivolous moments. The mind needs an outlet to unwind with! Besides, I haven't actually played them THAT much, just 10 more minutes then I'll go to bed...

But no worries, I will not post pictures, updates of how such games are progressing, or any other such nonsense on either Facebook or this blog (I seize up every time I have to type that word... :P). I am properly ashamed of my... non-addiction... ;)

Anyhoo, enough about games, what else shall I write about tonight, hmmm...

I had a dream the other night that was rather entertaining--it was my first venture into the realm of cognizant dreams! At least, I think that's what they're called.

I was dreaming that I was in a large city, I don't remember exactly what happened--I think something happened that should have hurt/killed me, but I escaped unscathed--but I was suddenly confronted with the thought "oh, this is a dream, that's all right then." Then, "Wait, this is a dream, that means I can do whatever I want--I'm in control!!"

Brief historical segue: I had heard of cognizant dreams twice before this occurrence, which is how I thought to enter into one... I think. Once was when a friend of mine told me about his; he would shrink or grow objects with a mere sweep of his hands. The other was in a book I read, a boy therein could control his dreams and he went flying in them every night.

I opted with the choice of flying. :) I found myself soaring above the city, the clouds, and swooping wherever I chose. Oddly enough though, my flight tended to wobble--as if my mind (as per usual in my dreamstate) tended to wander, and my flight was only as steady as my thoughts.

After a while I got bored, so I landed & tried to think up something interesting to do. I conjured up a lion to ride on, then (ever preoccupied with the sky) I gave it a pair of magnificent white wings. We flew far (the lion was much steadier than I'd been alone), to Hawaii! The islands were much smaller in my dream, I could hop from one to the other. Also, they seemed to be populated by ancient Egyptians--but only a handful, due to the smallness of the islands. Upon landing I discovered that my lion had actually been one of these Egyptians, and there was a very interesting and magical feud taking place. Suddenly my dream was taking on a multiplicity of nuances--then I woke up.

As always, I don't even bother interpreting, but these things do make for fun stories! :)

I've been writing on scripts lately too--though deviating perhaps from the editing I'm supposed to be doing... A couple of entertaining ideas have popped up in conversation with a writer/director friend & I feel compelled to pursue them. To give you a glimpse of the idea: imagine what life would be like if we lived with a barter system. Now, imagine an actor going out to dinner. What do they pay with? Would they perform a monologue? Give the other patrons & the staff "dinner and a show"?

Now, what if two actors were going out to dinner at such a place? & both thought they were supposed to be paying, so they planned ahead with this restaurant? It could be funny... :)

Hmmm, I feel kind of sorry. Some major stuff in life has been happening in the last couple of days. There've been a crisis or two, a major meltdown, some rash calls made, a couple of huge decisions that turned out to be rather easy to make, and some other mental stuff that's been going on. All of that is partly the reason I actually haven't written anything here since that Day that will Live Forever in Infamy (incidentally, the day before my grandmother's anniversary to her second husband--she wanted to get married on Dec. 7th, but Dad & his brothers laughed her out of that idea, so she went with the 8th instead). Unfortunately I still can't write about most of it, because I'm either not done with it yet, or it's just not something I feel comfortable putting online for anyone to read.

Sorry all!

Wow, that's a bit of a downer. Let's end this post on a better note than that, shall we?

Something that happened today: My nephew is four years old, goes by the name Aaron (among others), and is an adorably sweet brat (don't worry, brat is a term of endearment in my family). He has an instinctive & uncanny ability to charm anyone with even a fraction of a heart--made of ice. I don't know how he does it, but I know he's going to be a heart-breaker in middle school. But today the little guy made a(nother) trip to the emergency room.

Mind you, I heard & I wasn't too worried. He's practically got his own room in there, I wouldn't be surprised if they knew him by sight. Especially since one of the last times he visited the esteemed medical community it was because he got a toilet seat stuck around his neck. Yep, he stuck his head through it, then couldn't get it off. It took two hours to complete a five-minute procedure (sawing through the seat) because that's how long it took the doctors to clear the room!

But today the operation was of a different kind. Today the prank was sticking a jellybean a smidge further up his nose than was retrievable. Oops!

See, nothing to worry about with him. :)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Watch out for those falling houses

Especially if you like red shoes... or silver slippers... ;)

So I haven't been here in a couple of days, and there's good reason for it! I do actually have something worth writing about... ish... hopefully? I suppose if you're reading you must think it's possible at least. :D

One reason was because I was editing a script... The title is still in the works, but it's a 10 minute work I did back in my sophomore year for playwrighting class. It was the final, and each student was given a "commission" (this just meant we actually had parameters to stay in--we didn't actually get paid... I wish!) to write for. Our professor tried to give each of us something that would push us outside our norm that we'd been writing in all that semester. Here's the one I was given:

"RACHEL... YOU MUST WRITE A PLAY ABOUT A GUY AND A GIRL WHO ARE IN THE SAME APARTMENT BUILDING WITH NO LOVE PROSPECTS...THEY ARE TOO ODD FOR ANYONE AND ONE NIGHT THEY REALIZE IT AND DECIDE TO MAKE OTHER DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR LIVES..HOWEVER THERE IS NOT TO BE ANY LOVING JESTER THAT DECIDES THE OUTCOME...MUST BE GRITTY WITH NO POLICEMEN AS CHARACTERS... NO DEATHS BUT NO DISNEY OR ROMANTIC LOVE COMEDY...DOES NOT WRAP UP NEATLY...OTHERS CHARACTERS CAN BE ADDED"

(By the by, the prof. emailed everything in all caps... not my doing!)

Guy & girl? No love prospects? Too odd for anyone? Decision making? No loving jesters, policemen, or death? No romance, comedy, or wrapping up neatly? Lots of grit?

Piece o' cake.

I wrote about a married couple. ;)

Did I mention we had a weekend to do this in?

No seriously, the assignment was emailed to us on Friday, it was due by 5pm the following Monday.

Yeah, some serious editing is needed. But It's coming along--& I kind of like it! It's been so much fun, getting back into script-writing. I'm currently working on stuff like developing distinct voices for the characters, fixing the ending, imbuing the script with some kind of purpose (not the kind of thing you worry about when writing it in 48 hours), and cutting extraneous lines... my wonderful editor told me my script was too wordy.. imagine, me? Write something too wordy? Noooo... what? :D I'll probably write later about how that goes...

Something else I've been doing is reading "God is Great, God is Good: Why Believing in God is Reasonable and Responsible" by William Lane Craig & Chad V. Meister.

Funny story... Since this is a philosophy book I wanted to take my time & kind of digest the material as I went, so I was reading a lot slower than I usually do. Suddenly I realized today (Monday) that the book is due back at the library on Thursday, and I haven't even reached the half-way point!!

Guess what I did all day today... booyah... :) Book is read, and I think I even retained most of what I read! Woot!

You may remember that I commented earlier about "god is not Great" by Christopher Hitchins. "God is Great, God is Good" was written as a refutation of Hitchins' book, and the rest of the claims being made by the movement commonly known as "New Atheism". The leaders of this movement are Christopher Hitchins, Richard Dawkins, and Sam Harris--all of whom are responded to in this compilation of essays.

Credentials abound among the authors of these essays--writers include leading thinkers in cosmology, astrophysics, biology, theology, and (of course) philosophy. I found it very easy to understand, helpful in its articulation, and written in an irenic spirit.

But don't take my word for it. Read it for yourself! Anyone who considers themselves a thinker should do so, if for no other reason than because it presents a very articulate & well-reasoned viewpoint that should at least be considered. Atheists should read it, because these are the kinds of arguments being posited against the proclaimed leaders of the day. Christians should read it because these are articulations of your faith! If you haven't thought about the issues raised in this book, you should! & trying to be able to answer such questions intelligently is a duty we have when defending the faith.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to for the last couple of days. :)

Before I go, one last thing! I've noticed that my directing style is vastly different when I'm directing children than it was when I was directing college-age actors. Namely, I never sit down. I'm constantly going to the back of the room to see if they're loud enough, running to the front to answer a question, jumping onstage to show an actor how-to, even dashing up to the sound guy--after two hours I was sore & exhausted! I have no idea how the kids' energy held up, but I have the sneaking suspicion they weren't half as tired as I was.

I managed to keep their attention almost the whole time though--without losing my voice! :) & rehearsal was fantastic!

I'm so glad it's almost over... & so sad.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!

The first snow of the season to stick is upon us--with gusto! :)

I may hate being cold, but I love snow. It's so beautiful, tragic, and peaceful. My thought is that is the weather is going to be cold enough to support snow, it should have the decency to look pretty too--and too cold for snow is far too cold to be allowed!

But the snow itself is absolutely enchanting, especially at night. The facets of the snowflakes catch every gleam of light from both moon and stars, or from any light nearby, and reflect it a hundredfold back into the crisp night air. The shadows that chance to play upon the surface of such a luminous substance are of a different quality than the average darkness; they are deeper, and seem to hide more within them. Edges are sharper, at least the edges between light & dark are--however, the outlines of everything else are oddly blurred, gentled even. Snow seems to bring with it a quiet, every sound is absorbed, softened, and returned to the ears less harsh than it otherwise would have been.

Yet, behind this beauty is a danger, and a sorrow. The lifespan of a single snowflake is so very short--but each is an individual; once it has departed it can never again be seen. A fresh snowfall welcomes into its embrace all who live within its realm, but such an embrace should be returned but briefly. If the enchantress tempts the unwary, they may well fall into a sleep that they never awaken from.

Anyhoo... random musings about snow. :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult

Alright fine, maybe my disguise isn't so clever... :P It seems like it's rather easy to see through, hm... :D

I discovered--or rather, I reaffirmed--something about myself today. I am not a "scrappy" person. And I don't mean the kind of scrappy that picks/wins fights (I haven't had the opportunity to test that one), I mean the kind that stamps, cuts, punches, and glitters all kinds of cool stuff & makes scrapbooks & cards & the like out of it in some mystical & mysterious manner. I am not one of them.

I can do many things that are deemed "artistic"... I can paint, draw, sketch (is there a difference there?), sing, act, write, poemize, and all sorts of other things. But for some strange reason the sight of all the crafty tools used for making epic home-made cards that defy anyone to call them home-made--for all my creativity I simply draw a blank. Not that it's not cool to look at, there's all kinds of nifty gadgets invented for the sole purpose of glittering, cutting, making shapes in paper, and such. I just can't think of anything to do with them.

I was reawakened to this quirk about myself at a church ladies scrappy... thing... that occurred this evening. I originally didn't even want to go (what am I going to do there?), but my dear Mum was organizing the shindig, and told me that 1) there would be plenty of stuff for me to be able to get by without bringing anything (not being a scrapper, I have zip supplies for it--it's expensive!!), 2) both of my sisters & my niece would be in attendance, so we could all have a nice "girls' night" (this elevates the shindig to the status of FAMILY stuff, and FAMILY stuff is IMPORTANT and missing such an IMPORTANT event is considered a travesty, even if the Mum DID say "you don't really have to go"...ha), and 3) that I didn't have to go, but she really wanted me to try it out (aka "you have no reason not to come, if you don't show there will be trouble"--you know that look & tone? Yep, it was there...).

I love my Mum, & cherish our close relationship. So I did the right thing & went! ;) And she was very gracious about the whole thing. After wandering around aimlessly in a vain attempt to stimulate some semblance of inspiration, I told her I was bored & going home. She just smiled & said ok! So I promptly fled the premises, leaving all of those dear, wonderful, crazy creative people to their paperworkings. :)

On a separate note, the last couple of days have been refreshingly vibrant. I've been going through a bit of a slump for the last couple of weeks, but in the last two or three days that seems to have been washed away. I love times like this; I feel more productive, happy, closer to God, more of a joy to those around me--it's like everything in life has a new depth of color I couldn't see before.

I don't know how long it will last, but I'm enjoying it to the fullest while it's here!

One of my new/temporary favorite songs (they're always temporarily my favorite... don't think about that one too hard...) is the one that was performed last on the most recent episode of Glee (please don't hate me, yes I watch that show). It's called "Dog Days Are Over", and was originally performed by Florence and the Machine. The interpretations of the lyrics are many & varied, ranging from her grandmother's suicide to escaping an abusive relationship.

My personal opinion on dissecting art is that art is like a frog. So much can be learned from observation, but if you start cutting it to pieces it's dead & not coming back for you. So as far as this song goes, I love it, it means something to me, you should listen to it! I have no idea what it "really" means, or what the artist "originally intended". If you want to know that, look elsewhere. :)

I think one of my favorite lines is the first: "Happiness hit her like a train on a track"... call me sadistic, but the picture makes me smile... :) I think it's because I've been there, but it might just be because I'm a bit of a bad person sometimes... you pick! :)

Anyhoo, typing the correct spelling for words is getting more difficult, as is forming sentences, so I'm heading away for now. Later all!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Mess with me. When I become a ghost I'll hide your keys; who will be laughing then?

Hehehe... I just like the sentiment behind this one... :) I also think it would be fun to make someone think they're going crazy by randomly relocating their keys when they're not looking... mwahaha!

Something I saw on a commercial today & have to comment on: NBC has these spots that they do that talk about safety, health, peaceful family relationships, etc. The spot I saw was on diabetes. Now please don't misunderstand me, I have a family history of blood sugar mishaps & problems, and desire to be fully aware of my own risks & responsibilities in this area, & would encourage others to do the same.

However, I have to take issue with something said on the spot I saw...

After stating the number of people in the USA who have diabetes, the spokesperson then made the claim that 1 out of every four people with diabetes don't even know they have it.

... Really? How do you know that?

I mean seriously, let's think about this for a moment here: How does one take a poll on something like that?

"Do you have diabetes: yes or no"

If you have diabetes and know about it, you say yes & fall into that ... however many it was the person said.

If you check no, then either you really don't have diabetes, or you do & just don't know it yet... But how do the pollsters know which one you are?

If THEY know you have diabetes, and know you DON'T know, wouldn't the responsible thing be to tell you about it? But then you're no longer one of the ones who have it but don't know. If they don't tell you, that's just mean, but you're one of the statistics.

If that's the case, those pollsters are truly terrible to just not tell people so they can tell you how many people have diabetes but don't know it... wait a minute, that doesn't even make sense...

Are they just guesstimating? But then wouldn't the responsible thing have been to say that "it is estimated that one in every four people with diabetes doesn't even know they have it", instead of stating such a thing as fact?

This really is something I'm having difficulty figuring out: where did those numbers come from?! Seriously, if you know of any way they could've got these stats, let me know--I'm curious! (And while curiosity may have killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back!) I'm still trying to puzzle it out...

Yep. That's what's on my mind at the moment...

Something else on my mind lately has been the study my pastor is leading on Wednesday nights. It's from a book called "UnChristian" (I'm still trying to get my hands on it to read, I hear it's at the library) & it's about how the rest of the world views the Christian religion--specifically how people between the ages of 16 & 29 see it.

Now, I know I'm no expert on how people outside the church see her. But I like to think I might know something about how people of my generation think--maybe moreso perhaps than the rest of the people in there, considering that they're all old enough to have people my age as their kids. I keep quiet in there mostly, everyone else has a lot to say & I like listening... :)

The topic of tonight was homosexuality.

According to the book, most people of my generation see the church as haters of gays & lesbians, & find the judgment received by these people at the hands of the church to be harsh & undeniably ... um... 'kay, I'm not sure what word I was going to use there, sorry... that one got away from me...

But you get the idea, yeah? A Christian is generally assumed to be a ... well, a gay-hater, and I can't really say that's an untrue assumption in lots of cases. Too many cases.

But it's odd, there were a couple of people at the study tonight that seemed in complete denial of that fact--how could they view us that way?! they said, in shock and dismay. All I could think was, really? A bunch of Southern Baptists, we have probably the worst reputation when it comes to being "haters" out of all the Protestant Christians, and not without reason. No, I don't think any of the people (okay, I don't think MOST of the people) in that room tonight would abuse a gay person verbally, physically, or even slightly. But... we're talking about reputations here, and we're affiliated with some pretty terrible people--whether we want to be or not. They've called themselves Christians--some of them are, I don't doubt it--and they've abused & hated the homosexual community. To sit back & wonder why someone would accuse me of the same if they know what church I go to is to wander around life with a set of blinders on, closing my eyes to the unpleasantness that is the legacy left by the church through the ages. To do such is nothing but a hindrance in working for the Kingdom. To be effective means to go through life with eyes wide open, seeing the truth & acknowledging the past failures for what they are.

How else can we grow & love?

Well, I hafta run. I have a properties list to email! :) Yay directing/managing! :) G'night all!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Life is short, read fast.

Lots has happened over the last couple of days... I confess, I got rather distracted from writing on here... :) Okay, so not really *lots*, but I've thought of (and remembered! miracle of miracles!) a lot to write about, so it seems like more has happened than really has.

Lets see, thing number one...

I recently (yesterday? the day before? eh, "recently" is close enough) re-read all of the posts I've posted here, and noticed a running trend: I tend to write a lot about how I can't remember/think of anything to write, but I write about that when all else fails. This strikes me as a rather lame habit to get into, and I shall attempt to refrain from such practices hereafter. I make no promises to that effect, mind you, but I shall put forth my best effort! (I'm haunted by the voice of Yoda: "Do, or do not. There is no "try". Yeah? well... It's my blog & I'll try if I want to! :P So there!) Thanks to those of you who bore through them--hopefully there are better times to come! :) Other than that, it was rather entertaining to go back through them & remember.

I've thought of another good reason for keeping a blog! It came to me Sunday after church. I've mainly been posting because I think it's a good practice as a writer to keep myself disciplined in some kind of writing on a regular basis. (Hopefully this discipline will progress to more structured/profitable writing, but one step at a time.) I think another good reason for keeping this will be to be able to say all of those things I usually keep bottled inside.

Don't worry, I'm not talking about using this as a rant-haven--I wouldn't do that to you, or to myself. It's irritating enough realizing that I have a rant, let alone listening to it. I have no desire to put others through that & try to apologize to those who are willing to listen when I do. No, what I'm talking about is something more like the following.

In class on Sunday we were discussing... 'kay, I'll be honest, I don't really remember what the main lesson was. But the discussion turned toward the affection Paul felt for the Church in Rome, and how the Church is supposed to feel for each other & take care of each other. The list Paul made sounded challenging to me, but (with Christ) doable. I was about to pipe up & say something, but another person in class beat me to it & said that she could easily imagine herself feeling such things (like sacrificial love) for her children or family, but couldn't see herself giving, say, her life, for a stranger. One thing led to another, one person after another spoke over/before me, and, before I knew it, what I had to say no longer pertained to the discussion. But it stuck with me, and has been running through my head ever since. Knowing me & stuff like this, it'll likely just stick around until I get it out somehow. So, here we are!

So often today I hear it, I see it, and I feel the pressure to find "that special someone". It's all over, the church, the media, music, movies, books, friends, family, this idea seems to have permeated the culture of today. I can't really say that's strange or unexpected--but hey, I'm a single chica, and I'm still loving life here!

One of my favorite class periods in Senior Year Experience last year was when Dr. Bob spoke on relationships--and on singleness. So often in the church singleness seems to be set aside as merely a waiting game. God will being you your "other half" soon, just be patient & wait for the right one--or, if you're the more adventurous type, get out there & find them!

But what if there's more to it then that. What if being single is not the same thing as being alone? My classmate brought up a valid point--for a mother & a wife it's easy to imagine giving your life for your husband or children, but hard to imagine being that willing to die for a stranger.

I would posit that for someone unattached to a significant other, such a thing is easier to imagine--giving one's own life for a stranger, I mean. I speak only from my own limited experience, and from what I've been told by others. However, Paul writes that if you have the strength to remain pure while being single, such is the course of preference. In such a state we are better able to serve God, being able to focus more completely on Him and not being distracted by the responsibilities of a family. My heart's main attachment is of another world, so I hold less tightly to my life here. If the Kingdom could be best served by my death, I honestly think I would be able--willing, even, to give it freely. If I were to gain a romantic interest however, I think my life would seem more precious, I would find more to live for here.

Not that that's a bad thing, being single is not for the faint of heart... ;) God knows, I've wished for more than I will ever tell while still in this form. But, I've seen how much I can do while going without. I'm not lacking my other half, I am one person, whole & complete. My heart is undivided in its object of affection--and because of that, I am learning to love others more completely.

Louisa May Alcott wrote in her book "Eight Cousins" something to the effect of this: old maid aunties and bachelor uncles were put in this world for a purpose, to receive and nurture the affections of those children whose parents are too busy to do such themselves. This precious love would otherwise often be left without a recipient, and would wither away to nothing.

This is what I want to do. I don't want to fritter away my time waiting for a prince charming that might not (probably doesn't) even exist. What a waste! I want--and am pretty certain God wants too--to use what I've been given. And I've been given the gift, the blessing, of being "single".

Single, but never alone. Never unloved, and never--never never!--unloving.

Yep, that's been running around in my head for a while. Some other things that have been running include:

I watched more anime than I ever should've in the last couple of days... and as a result I'm going on strike from it. :P Who ever introduced me to that stuff anyway?! The really irritating thing about it is--at least with the stuff I was watching--you can't even do anything else and watch it at the same time! No, complete attention must be devoted to reading the subtitles! Ah well, at least they only come in 22 minute bits...

Today I began the day with--not a schedule! Instead I have a to-do list with a bunch of deadlines (real ones too, not just self-imposed! Be impressed, that's right, I live in the real world!). So when my plans got shot by other things happening I was able to end the day (rather, will be able to end the day... later) guilt-free! Some of the stuff was accomplished, I will be able to accomplish the rest. Huzzah no guilt! I'm always more productive when I have less baggage to carry. :)

That which threw my plans was actually my nephew coming over today! The 4yrold, Aaron, had a date with "Grammy" today, to decorate the Christmas tree. I helped, and "Poppy" sat nearby reading his book--and laughing at us discreetly, I'm sure. :) The tree looks far less bare than it did this morning, and far more cheerful. It was kind of interesting, some of those ornaments are older than I am! They were got on my parents' first tour in Germany, I was had during the second. German ornaments are so very ... wonderful! :)

After decorating the tree, Dad (Poppy) and I had fun wrestling with Aaron. He would no sooner be "rescued" by one of us than we would have him squealing for help from the other. At one point we were playing tug-of-war with him, he laughed uproariously the whole time, of course. :D

Anyhoo, I should be heading off to bed. This whole not-being-nocturnal thing is only barely working, so I'm going to try sleeping at night & seeing if that helps. Sweet dreams!