I feel like my brain is leaking out through my ears today.
My focus is shot, my concentration is done, my willpower is defeated, and my stick-to-itness is outta here.
What was I saying?
I think some of that dense fog that blanketed the area this morning got into my mind & stuck there. I know there is stuff I should be doing, but... for the life of me I cannot form the thought of what they are.
:P
And it's only Wednesday.
I wish my office had windows.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Hunt
Just a warning, the writing took a bit of a dark turn today. :) Have fun?
~*~
It's there, just like always. I can feel it watching me.
Just out of the corner of my eye.
I turn my head to look at it full on, but--
Woish
It's gone.
But not far, just out of sight.
It's waiting.
It's always there,
Stalking,
Following,
Waiting.
I can feel its appetite, its hunger.
It wants to devour ... my very essence of who I am.
It won't ever stop.
It's so hungry.
I'm never sure what keeps it away.
If I knew, maybe I could always do it.
I'm never sure what drops my guard, and allows it to
Pounce.
If I did,
I would never let it happen.
But it does,
And it pounces,
It rips,
And tears,
And chews,
And laughs.
I still feel the scars from the last time.
The laughter is the worst.
The hopeless despair
That laughter causes
Is worse than the teeth that consume.
It chuckles even now,
Knowing, hearing my frightened heart pounding.
I don't know if escape can be had.
I don't know if a difference can be made.
Will it shy away if
I'm not alone in my fight?
Will it lose me if
I run forever?
Is there anything
That can kill this
Creature that thirsts for my life?
My weapon is heavy in my hand.
It sings a soothing lullaby,
But it's not sleep it beckons me toward.
Grit, determination, stubbornness, even pride,
All these keep me from falling
To its every attack.
Too gritty to chew,
Too determined to win and not fail,
Too stubborn to allow it to succeed,
Too proud to admit defeat.
If it can use my strengths against me,
I can use my flaws against it.
~*~
That was actually kind of fun. Well, it was for me. ;) Thanks for sticking around! :)
~*~
It's there, just like always. I can feel it watching me.
Just out of the corner of my eye.
I turn my head to look at it full on, but--
Woish
It's gone.
But not far, just out of sight.
It's waiting.
It's always there,
Stalking,
Following,
Waiting.
I can feel its appetite, its hunger.
It wants to devour ... my very essence of who I am.
It won't ever stop.
It's so hungry.
I'm never sure what keeps it away.
If I knew, maybe I could always do it.
I'm never sure what drops my guard, and allows it to
Pounce.
If I did,
I would never let it happen.
But it does,
And it pounces,
It rips,
And tears,
And chews,
And laughs.
I still feel the scars from the last time.
The laughter is the worst.
The hopeless despair
That laughter causes
Is worse than the teeth that consume.
It chuckles even now,
Knowing, hearing my frightened heart pounding.
I don't know if escape can be had.
I don't know if a difference can be made.
Will it shy away if
I'm not alone in my fight?
Will it lose me if
I run forever?
Is there anything
That can kill this
Creature that thirsts for my life?
My weapon is heavy in my hand.
It sings a soothing lullaby,
But it's not sleep it beckons me toward.
Grit, determination, stubbornness, even pride,
All these keep me from falling
To its every attack.
Too gritty to chew,
Too determined to win and not fail,
Too stubborn to allow it to succeed,
Too proud to admit defeat.
If it can use my strengths against me,
I can use my flaws against it.
~*~
That was actually kind of fun. Well, it was for me. ;) Thanks for sticking around! :)
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Snowflakes
It snowed today. Just flurries, nothing that stuck, but still.
It snowed. Today. :P
I do like snow, but I'm seriously perturbed that it was cold enough to snow today. Seriously, where did Fall go? It's not like this is Minnesota, or near the Great Lakes, where I would expect that kind of thing.
It was cold enough to snow today.
If the weather is going to be cold enough to facilitate snow, then I do think it should have the decency to look pretty too. In that fashion I am a huge fan of snow--it makes winter bearable, and gives something beautiful to look forward to in the midst of the chill.
I think the reason I don't like winter is because people insist that I maintain a certain level of constructivity (spellcheck says that's not a word, I say I just made a new one...) that runs counter to my body's natural tendencies. When I'm cold I want to hibernate--huddled under a blanket, buried in a chair/couch, drinking chocolate something-or-other, and reading. That's all I want out of life when it turns cold.
But the world says no. It tells me I must come out from the warmth and put on real clothes, swap out my slippers for boots, and my books for a coat.
Then I have to go outside?! Evils abound in this world. Not only must I leave my cocoon, I must also leave my dwelling-place and actually walk out into the frigid air and sometimes ice?!
AND be a contributing member of society!
I know, I whine too much. That's another reason I dislike the chill, it makes me whiny.
*Cue the tears & violins*
Ah first-world problems, aren't we lucky to have them?
Yeah, I feel duly ashamed of myself for my rant, but I'm posting it anyway. Humility is good for the soul, right?
I am glad I have someone to cuddle with this winter.
<3 p="">
It snowed. Today. :P
I do like snow, but I'm seriously perturbed that it was cold enough to snow today. Seriously, where did Fall go? It's not like this is Minnesota, or near the Great Lakes, where I would expect that kind of thing.
It was cold enough to snow today.
If the weather is going to be cold enough to facilitate snow, then I do think it should have the decency to look pretty too. In that fashion I am a huge fan of snow--it makes winter bearable, and gives something beautiful to look forward to in the midst of the chill.
I think the reason I don't like winter is because people insist that I maintain a certain level of constructivity (spellcheck says that's not a word, I say I just made a new one...) that runs counter to my body's natural tendencies. When I'm cold I want to hibernate--huddled under a blanket, buried in a chair/couch, drinking chocolate something-or-other, and reading. That's all I want out of life when it turns cold.
But the world says no. It tells me I must come out from the warmth and put on real clothes, swap out my slippers for boots, and my books for a coat.
Then I have to go outside?! Evils abound in this world. Not only must I leave my cocoon, I must also leave my dwelling-place and actually walk out into the frigid air and sometimes ice?!
AND be a contributing member of society!
I know, I whine too much. That's another reason I dislike the chill, it makes me whiny.
*Cue the tears & violins*
Ah first-world problems, aren't we lucky to have them?
Yeah, I feel duly ashamed of myself for my rant, but I'm posting it anyway. Humility is good for the soul, right?
I am glad I have someone to cuddle with this winter.
<3 p="">
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
That itch
I think I know what story to go with, and now that I do that itch has begun...
My fingers itch.
But my mind is shrinking away from the ideas, for fear of failing this story yet again.
Before November comes though, I have so many questions to answer!
Most of those questions will probably be answered by filling out character sheets, but there are some serious plot holes that need to be resolved too... And I keep wandering off into daydreams that don't really help with any of that--the scenes I see might not even be happening in this first story!
I see a ragged band of survivors, creeping through the undergrowth in a forest where the very trees might betray them.
I see onlookers cowering close to the ground as two dragons fight in the sky above them--roaring loud enough to shake the mountains, spewing fire at each other, tangling in each others claws and teeth. Drops of blood spatter onto the ground far below, sizzling where it falls.
I see a dying woman, smiling up at the man she loves--a man who only remembered her mere days before. He cries bitterly as the light of life fades from her eyes. Her last whisper to him: "I will wait for you."
Two children race through a forest, laughing and shouting from sheer joy. The girl has golden hair and dancing blue eyes; the boy has black hair and deep brown eyes.The note of a bell chimes out through the woods, and they turn in their path to run toward it.
A tree grows from a platform built in the center of a town built in love. Its trunk is out of reach from the bottom of this platform, but the branches sweep low to offer the fragrance of its flowers. Passerby lovingly reach up and pluck fruit off the branches as they walk by, murmuring thanks to the tree.
A group of sleepers in a cave, with one man sitting awake at the mouth while he keeps watch. The night is quiet, and peace seems to have furtively stolen in. The man smiles at the seed he holds in his hand, a seed that seems to emanate a soft glow and a quiet heartbeat.
The road seems deserted but for the grizzled one-eyed warrior. His single orb scans the skies, and a smile creases his cheeks when he sees the raven circling above. A sharp whistle pierces the air as he raises an arm, the raven caws in response as it descends.
Uffda...
My fingers itch.
But my mind is shrinking away from the ideas, for fear of failing this story yet again.
Before November comes though, I have so many questions to answer!
Most of those questions will probably be answered by filling out character sheets, but there are some serious plot holes that need to be resolved too... And I keep wandering off into daydreams that don't really help with any of that--the scenes I see might not even be happening in this first story!
I see a ragged band of survivors, creeping through the undergrowth in a forest where the very trees might betray them.
I see onlookers cowering close to the ground as two dragons fight in the sky above them--roaring loud enough to shake the mountains, spewing fire at each other, tangling in each others claws and teeth. Drops of blood spatter onto the ground far below, sizzling where it falls.
I see a dying woman, smiling up at the man she loves--a man who only remembered her mere days before. He cries bitterly as the light of life fades from her eyes. Her last whisper to him: "I will wait for you."
Two children race through a forest, laughing and shouting from sheer joy. The girl has golden hair and dancing blue eyes; the boy has black hair and deep brown eyes.The note of a bell chimes out through the woods, and they turn in their path to run toward it.
A tree grows from a platform built in the center of a town built in love. Its trunk is out of reach from the bottom of this platform, but the branches sweep low to offer the fragrance of its flowers. Passerby lovingly reach up and pluck fruit off the branches as they walk by, murmuring thanks to the tree.
A group of sleepers in a cave, with one man sitting awake at the mouth while he keeps watch. The night is quiet, and peace seems to have furtively stolen in. The man smiles at the seed he holds in his hand, a seed that seems to emanate a soft glow and a quiet heartbeat.
The road seems deserted but for the grizzled one-eyed warrior. His single orb scans the skies, and a smile creases his cheeks when he sees the raven circling above. A sharp whistle pierces the air as he raises an arm, the raven caws in response as it descends.
Uffda...
Monday, October 21, 2013
What to Novel About?!
NaNoWriMo is coming, it's only 10 days & some odd hours away...
I should probably figure out what I will write about.
Not necessarily the whole plot of the story--where's the fun in knowing ahead of time what will happen?--but I need at least a spark of an idea, a glimmer, a character, something to get the process started.
And I have so many plot ideas.
No really, it's unreal how many books are in my head right now. And not necessarily in a good way. :S
~*~
There's the girl whose parents die in a fire that she manages to survive when a mere infant, raised by a priestess of Ad'ny. She wanders the worlds in search of her purpose, watching her friends find their gifts while she discovers mediocre talent in everything she attempts. Then she finds a purpose when a prophet tells her she must find ... something. A word is given, but no definition.
There's also the woman who was born to a world without pain, death, or sickness. She reveled in song and laughter, until her people began to rip themselves and their world apart from the inside out. Sorrowing over what they had become, she and others of her kind watched as their home was destroyed and they were cast adrift, cursed with endless life to wander the stars in search of the hurts of others that were compelled to mend.
The man whose father sacrificed him to a dark deity in order to gain control of a world. His spirit was rescued by a shrouded woman who took him as an apprentice, and she led him into battle against the very forces his father sacrificed him to--and against his own father.
The woman whose village fear the cold-blooded beasts of the mountain; the dragon whose tribe loathes the hateful apes of the valley; and the friendship they aspire to.
The broken romance of a bird-woman that leaves her and her fledgling shunned and heartsick.
The red-haired thief, rescued from her prison in a tall tower by a man with a phoenix.
Half eastern dragon, half woman, and all cunning--traveling through the western lands is dangerous with scales.
In a Steam-Punk world: An oni-hunter leaves Japan in pursuit of a spirit that is plaguing the dreams of children. Their dreams are of a far-flung star that is drawing nearer, and is populated by bloodthirsty monsters. But is this yokai an oni, or is it just trying to warn them of something darker that is coming?
Inspired by the table-top game "Brass&Steel": in pre-WWI, the Aztec Empire never fell, it conquered. The reach of the Elite Jaguar Forces has stalled, but only for a lack of knowledge. The Emperor sends out the Ocelot Warriors--a secret task force known to none outside the Aztec lands, but held in highest regard by those who know they exist. The Ocelots are prized for their cunning, adaptability, intelligence, and insight. They have been given the task of discovering all they can about the outside world, instigating a disturbance that will keep the eyes of others distracted from the Empire, and learning how best the Aztecs might further the cause of their Emperor.
~*~
And that's all without looking at my past notebooks... no shortage of ideas here.
Do you have a favorite from any of the above? Anything you would like to see written more about? If so, please let me know--I'd love to hear from you!
I should probably figure out what I will write about.
Not necessarily the whole plot of the story--where's the fun in knowing ahead of time what will happen?--but I need at least a spark of an idea, a glimmer, a character, something to get the process started.
And I have so many plot ideas.
No really, it's unreal how many books are in my head right now. And not necessarily in a good way. :S
~*~
There's the girl whose parents die in a fire that she manages to survive when a mere infant, raised by a priestess of Ad'ny. She wanders the worlds in search of her purpose, watching her friends find their gifts while she discovers mediocre talent in everything she attempts. Then she finds a purpose when a prophet tells her she must find ... something. A word is given, but no definition.
There's also the woman who was born to a world without pain, death, or sickness. She reveled in song and laughter, until her people began to rip themselves and their world apart from the inside out. Sorrowing over what they had become, she and others of her kind watched as their home was destroyed and they were cast adrift, cursed with endless life to wander the stars in search of the hurts of others that were compelled to mend.
The man whose father sacrificed him to a dark deity in order to gain control of a world. His spirit was rescued by a shrouded woman who took him as an apprentice, and she led him into battle against the very forces his father sacrificed him to--and against his own father.
The woman whose village fear the cold-blooded beasts of the mountain; the dragon whose tribe loathes the hateful apes of the valley; and the friendship they aspire to.
The broken romance of a bird-woman that leaves her and her fledgling shunned and heartsick.
The red-haired thief, rescued from her prison in a tall tower by a man with a phoenix.
Half eastern dragon, half woman, and all cunning--traveling through the western lands is dangerous with scales.
In a Steam-Punk world: An oni-hunter leaves Japan in pursuit of a spirit that is plaguing the dreams of children. Their dreams are of a far-flung star that is drawing nearer, and is populated by bloodthirsty monsters. But is this yokai an oni, or is it just trying to warn them of something darker that is coming?
Inspired by the table-top game "Brass&Steel": in pre-WWI, the Aztec Empire never fell, it conquered. The reach of the Elite Jaguar Forces has stalled, but only for a lack of knowledge. The Emperor sends out the Ocelot Warriors--a secret task force known to none outside the Aztec lands, but held in highest regard by those who know they exist. The Ocelots are prized for their cunning, adaptability, intelligence, and insight. They have been given the task of discovering all they can about the outside world, instigating a disturbance that will keep the eyes of others distracted from the Empire, and learning how best the Aztecs might further the cause of their Emperor.
~*~
And that's all without looking at my past notebooks... no shortage of ideas here.
Do you have a favorite from any of the above? Anything you would like to see written more about? If so, please let me know--I'd love to hear from you!
Friday, October 18, 2013
November is Coming!
There is an event coming next month that I have been hearing about for years, but have never participated in.
NaNoWriMo
aka: National Novel Writing Month
The idea is that during the month of November I would take one of the myriad of story ideas whirling around in this brain and put pen to paper--committing 50,000 words to paper (or computer, whatever) over the course of 30 days & 30 nights. These words don't have to be edited (thank goodness!!), and they don't have to be the full story, but all 50,000 have to be written over the course of the month of November.
And you thought not shaving was a challenge. :P
It sounds amazing, terrifying, and exhilarating all at once. There is a website to sign up at, to feel supported by others in the writing community, to cheer each other on, read excerpts of each others work, etc. You can find the event pretty easily with a web search if you don't already know about it. :)
This year, this year I think I shall attempt this feat of authorship.
one thing is for sure, it will encourage me to post on here more often! I will put updates & snippets of story, as well as stories about writing up here... if I remember...
SO yeah, will you be participating in NaNoWriMo?
Happy writing!
NaNoWriMo
aka: National Novel Writing Month
The idea is that during the month of November I would take one of the myriad of story ideas whirling around in this brain and put pen to paper--committing 50,000 words to paper (or computer, whatever) over the course of 30 days & 30 nights. These words don't have to be edited (thank goodness!!), and they don't have to be the full story, but all 50,000 have to be written over the course of the month of November.
And you thought not shaving was a challenge. :P
It sounds amazing, terrifying, and exhilarating all at once. There is a website to sign up at, to feel supported by others in the writing community, to cheer each other on, read excerpts of each others work, etc. You can find the event pretty easily with a web search if you don't already know about it. :)
This year, this year I think I shall attempt this feat of authorship.
one thing is for sure, it will encourage me to post on here more often! I will put updates & snippets of story, as well as stories about writing up here... if I remember...
SO yeah, will you be participating in NaNoWriMo?
Happy writing!
Song Lyrics
I heard some song lyrics in the car today--I have no idea what the song was (even the genre--I listen to the mixed station that plays everything from country to metal), or who the singer was. I couldn't even sing you the chorus, because I came in at the end of the song.
But what I heard, stuck. If you know who this is or what the song is, please tell me!
The lyrics I remember (it was a few hours ago, sorry!):
"You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid."
There was also something about lions make you brave & giants give you faith (which is really cool too), but those words smacked me across the face & grabbed me in a hug that hasn't let go yet.
You don't have to feel safe
To feel unafraid.
Just think on that for a moment, let that one sink in.
Look at the difference:
Safe.
Unafraid.
The first is where we go to rest, to breathe, to let the world slip by while we recuperate from the battle & lick our wounds.
But the second--that's where we live.
It's where we sing, dance, laugh, and love--all from that deep place in the gut that life itself flows from.
It's where we wrestle with God, as Jacob did, and where we are blessed.
It's where we fight, and strive, and glory.
God did not call us to be safe.
But He did tell us not to fear.
To be bold.
Please don't misunderstand me--I think the Church should be one of the safest places in this world. It should be the safest place short of Heaven that any human soul finds. The Church should be a place of comfort, solace, joy, peace--a place where the wounded can come to have the love of Christ manifest in His people binding their wounds and salving their hearts.
I know that it's not.
That knowing drives me mad with sorrow, and it drives me to make myself into that safe haven for other people.
But I want to be a safe place. That doesn't mean I want safety for myself.
Love is not safe.
But it is good.
To love others is to be unafraid in stepping outside the safety that keeps us from hurt--to reach out to those that are hurting and expose myself to their pain.
So yeah, you don't have to be safe to be unafraid.
I like that song.
But what I heard, stuck. If you know who this is or what the song is, please tell me!
The lyrics I remember (it was a few hours ago, sorry!):
"You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid."
There was also something about lions make you brave & giants give you faith (which is really cool too), but those words smacked me across the face & grabbed me in a hug that hasn't let go yet.
You don't have to feel safe
To feel unafraid.
Just think on that for a moment, let that one sink in.
Look at the difference:
Safe.
Unafraid.
The first is where we go to rest, to breathe, to let the world slip by while we recuperate from the battle & lick our wounds.
But the second--that's where we live.
It's where we sing, dance, laugh, and love--all from that deep place in the gut that life itself flows from.
It's where we wrestle with God, as Jacob did, and where we are blessed.
It's where we fight, and strive, and glory.
God did not call us to be safe.
But He did tell us not to fear.
To be bold.
Please don't misunderstand me--I think the Church should be one of the safest places in this world. It should be the safest place short of Heaven that any human soul finds. The Church should be a place of comfort, solace, joy, peace--a place where the wounded can come to have the love of Christ manifest in His people binding their wounds and salving their hearts.
I know that it's not.
That knowing drives me mad with sorrow, and it drives me to make myself into that safe haven for other people.
But I want to be a safe place. That doesn't mean I want safety for myself.
Love is not safe.
But it is good.
To love others is to be unafraid in stepping outside the safety that keeps us from hurt--to reach out to those that are hurting and expose myself to their pain.
So yeah, you don't have to be safe to be unafraid.
I like that song.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Musicals
I'm directing a musical.
It's a children's Christmas musical at the church that I attend--and the kids I work with are wonderful, and the story is amazing. And it's got me thinking about a lot of things, and remembering a lot of things, and wondering...
How did this happen?
No really, I'm not a musical person.
I didn't think so, at least.
But, while thinking back, I realized...
Maybe I am.
Why not?
Sure. :)
The first musical I distinctly remember being a part of was called something like "Candy Cane Lane"... I think. I was 7 or 8, and my family lived on a little military base in New Mexico. It was the kids' Christmas musical of the Protestant Chapel, and our director was a lady we all called Miz Teresa (with no H!).
That dear lady is what I think of whenever I hear the term "fierce".
Don't misunderstand me--I loved her to pieces, and I know all the other kids did too! And she loved us--fiercely. She did everything with so much vim & vigour that she just tickled all of us, she awed us with her passion and joy. I think that might have been part of her secret, she out-ran all of us, and what kid doesn't respect that?
I distinctly remember one story Miz Teresa told us that still fills me with respect and awe to this day. We were all of us feeling especially flighty and rowdy that day, and she felt that she needed to instill some good-old-fashioned fear of the Lord into us. So she got us all set down for a stern talking-to.
She told us the story of the Old Testament priests, and the temple, and how the Israelites worshiped at this temple. She told us about how the Temple was divided into three sections: the outer court, the Holy Place, and the Holy of Holies--or the Most Holy Place. She then broke this down for us.
The Outer Court, she told us, was the place that the Gentiles--non-Israelites--were allowed. That was as far as they could go, but they could worship from there. In our modern-day churches, this might be compared to our foyer, where we all have a good time and laugh and fellowship (she liked that word). The Outer Court was kind of like that for the Israelites--where they could buy and sell, and mingle and fellowship.
The Holy Place though, that was for worship. That was special--like our Sanctuary. (Here she gazed over her glasses at us sternly.) The Israelites only let those who were lawfully clean into the Holy Place.
And the Holiest of Holies? That was where the Ark of the Covenant was kept. (I don't know if I even knew what that was at the time, but her reverence when she spoke of it impressed me.) That was where God lived with His people, before Jesus came to the earth, and His presence was filled with power.
The Holiest of Holies was filled with so much power that the High Priest was the only person who went into it, and even then he only did once a year to pray for the nation. Even so, they tied a rope and a bell around his ankle, just in case he wasn't right with God & being in His presence killed him!
Then she compared the Holiest of Holies to the portion of the Sanctuary where the chaplain preached from.
In retrospect, I realize that it might be questioned whether that was the best story to share with a group of children, and I'm sure my memory has skewed the presentation in some way (it usually does), but boy howdy did she get her point across! I never acted without reverence around the pulpit again.
It is worth noting, that Miz Teresa managed to get the point across without making me afraid. I was never afraid that God would strike me dead if I acted out in church. Why would he? The only people He did that to were the hypocrites who were arrogant enough to intentionally enter His presence without recognizing His authority and power. The people who not just didn't love Him, but who rejected Him & were trying to lead others astray. I wasn't afraid because of what Miz Teresa told us, but I had a lot more respect for God and those places set aside for us to meet with Him. Even now, I feel a sense of awe and quiet whenever I enter a church's sanctuary, especially ones that resemble that church in New Mexico.
And no, my enthusiasm for the show was not dampened. I still volunteered for as much stage time as I could! I was originally cast as the chocolate drop (I was not excited about wearing brown) with no lines, but I managed to wriggle my way into being a bubble-blower, a dancer, and when one of my friends got a case of stage fright for her solo I stepped up and said I would sing with her--just so she wouldn't be scared, of course! ;) I wasn't scared, I stood up there with her and belted that duet out with pure delight at being center-stage.
I might have been weirdly attention-hungry, for such a painfully shy little kid.
It's a children's Christmas musical at the church that I attend--and the kids I work with are wonderful, and the story is amazing. And it's got me thinking about a lot of things, and remembering a lot of things, and wondering...
How did this happen?
No really, I'm not a musical person.
I didn't think so, at least.
But, while thinking back, I realized...
Maybe I am.
Why not?
Sure. :)
The first musical I distinctly remember being a part of was called something like "Candy Cane Lane"... I think. I was 7 or 8, and my family lived on a little military base in New Mexico. It was the kids' Christmas musical of the Protestant Chapel, and our director was a lady we all called Miz Teresa (with no H!).
That dear lady is what I think of whenever I hear the term "fierce".
Don't misunderstand me--I loved her to pieces, and I know all the other kids did too! And she loved us--fiercely. She did everything with so much vim & vigour that she just tickled all of us, she awed us with her passion and joy. I think that might have been part of her secret, she out-ran all of us, and what kid doesn't respect that?
I distinctly remember one story Miz Teresa told us that still fills me with respect and awe to this day. We were all of us feeling especially flighty and rowdy that day, and she felt that she needed to instill some good-old-fashioned fear of the Lord into us. So she got us all set down for a stern talking-to.
She told us the story of the Old Testament priests, and the temple, and how the Israelites worshiped at this temple. She told us about how the Temple was divided into three sections: the outer court, the Holy Place, and the Holy of Holies--or the Most Holy Place. She then broke this down for us.
The Outer Court, she told us, was the place that the Gentiles--non-Israelites--were allowed. That was as far as they could go, but they could worship from there. In our modern-day churches, this might be compared to our foyer, where we all have a good time and laugh and fellowship (she liked that word). The Outer Court was kind of like that for the Israelites--where they could buy and sell, and mingle and fellowship.
The Holy Place though, that was for worship. That was special--like our Sanctuary. (Here she gazed over her glasses at us sternly.) The Israelites only let those who were lawfully clean into the Holy Place.
And the Holiest of Holies? That was where the Ark of the Covenant was kept. (I don't know if I even knew what that was at the time, but her reverence when she spoke of it impressed me.) That was where God lived with His people, before Jesus came to the earth, and His presence was filled with power.
The Holiest of Holies was filled with so much power that the High Priest was the only person who went into it, and even then he only did once a year to pray for the nation. Even so, they tied a rope and a bell around his ankle, just in case he wasn't right with God & being in His presence killed him!
Then she compared the Holiest of Holies to the portion of the Sanctuary where the chaplain preached from.
In retrospect, I realize that it might be questioned whether that was the best story to share with a group of children, and I'm sure my memory has skewed the presentation in some way (it usually does), but boy howdy did she get her point across! I never acted without reverence around the pulpit again.
It is worth noting, that Miz Teresa managed to get the point across without making me afraid. I was never afraid that God would strike me dead if I acted out in church. Why would he? The only people He did that to were the hypocrites who were arrogant enough to intentionally enter His presence without recognizing His authority and power. The people who not just didn't love Him, but who rejected Him & were trying to lead others astray. I wasn't afraid because of what Miz Teresa told us, but I had a lot more respect for God and those places set aside for us to meet with Him. Even now, I feel a sense of awe and quiet whenever I enter a church's sanctuary, especially ones that resemble that church in New Mexico.
And no, my enthusiasm for the show was not dampened. I still volunteered for as much stage time as I could! I was originally cast as the chocolate drop (I was not excited about wearing brown) with no lines, but I managed to wriggle my way into being a bubble-blower, a dancer, and when one of my friends got a case of stage fright for her solo I stepped up and said I would sing with her--just so she wouldn't be scared, of course! ;) I wasn't scared, I stood up there with her and belted that duet out with pure delight at being center-stage.
I might have been weirdly attention-hungry, for such a painfully shy little kid.
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