Have you been outside lately?
It smells of adventure...
I haven't felt terribly adventurous lately. I'm very hum-drum, it seems--all wrapped up in cleaning, laundry, desk job, paper-pushing (usually in its more modern form of email-pushing), car-needs-oil changed, bed-buying, unpacking, loafing around....... I'm all grown-uppish lately, and ... it's weird.
Of course, the fact that it's 3:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday with the weekend too far away to be effective, that might have something to do with the current mood.
The office is getting claustrophobic--let me out!
I know the sun is shining and it's warm... somewhere. All I have to do--is find it.
I want to run and skip and play and shout and sing and breathe the fresh air! I want to have an adventure but I'm so out of practice that... do I know how to begin anymore?
When did adventure become relegated to video games?
Don't mind me, I'm just spilling the thoughts whirling around in my head onto the screen--the thoughts and half-thoughts that go tumbling around in there, chasing after each other in a madcap fashion, bent on--
Getting me into Trouble.
Because, really, who does that anymore? Who would want to reveal the innermost workings of their thoughts, and heart, and soul? It isn't Right, it isn't Safe, it isn't DECENT--put your clothes back on! No one wants to see that!
But we do.
Why do you think "Reality" TV shows make so many talentless people famous? We think we're getting a glimpse of them that no one usually would ever get to see--and we lap it up. Who doesn't want to see the innermost machinations of other people?
But it does get Uncomfortable, doesn't it?
Because sometimes we see things we don't really want to. Sometimes we look into another person's bared heart and see something there that mirrors our own--something we've been trying to forget about ourselves.
Sometimes we see something in another's heart that reminds us that they are a real person, like us, and yet so vastly & terribly different from us.
Or, instead, we might catch a glimpse of Pain and wonder, "Did I cause that? Am I supposed to Fix that?" And we feel woefully inadequate because we don't even know what to do with our own pain--let alone someone else's!
So we call such Nakedness of the Soul indecent, unsafe, and unwelcome.
But I long for it.
I've been told such a trait is common among Introverts. That we find small talk depressing because we yearn for an actual connection with people we take the time to talk to. I don't know if it's an Introvert thing, or simply a Human thing, but I know I do.
It is a rare occurrence indeed, to actually connect with people.To look them in the eye and see someone willing to be a Real Person with you, someone who will rip down the walls we build to protect ourselves and others from....... from... well, I'm not entirely certain anymore what we think we're protected/ing from. Pain, of some sort, I'm sure.
But Living means Pain, doesn't it? To be truly, joyously, abundantly living--that means we will feel pain.
I was in a show a few years ago, and something my character said has stuck with me ever since.
"I'd rather feel pain than feel nothing."
I know this could be seen as an excuse for cutting, but no worries--I dislike physical discomfort too much for that! But I would far rather suffer the pain of rejection and heartache and regret than allow indecision and fear to immobilize me--at least, I would like to think so.
I said earlier that I was feeling a bit lacking in adventure. That's the cabin fever talking, most likely--but I know that I can get caught up in the hum-drum of everyday life. I forget, sometimes, the Truths I've learned over the years.
Nothing about Life is "hum-drum".
It's Wonderful!! No, really, bear with me here. Indulge my gross indecency a bit longer, because this is something big--I can feel it! (gutter minds, yes I went there too, shut up!)
The pastor at the church I attend preached this past Sunday on "The Walking Dead"--not the tv show--think Lazarus.
But he didn't preach on the usual. He opened by saying he wanted to talk about the relationship between Death and Life.
For us to truly Live, we must first Die.
I've heard this story so many times I could rattle it off to you without a hesitation (did I mention I'm a church-kid?), but this take on it really made me think. Not that I haven't heard the premise before...but....... I hadn't heard it quite this way.
Pastor Mike asked: What does it mean, to live like a Dead Man (or Woman)?
And by Dead, he meant dying to self, dying to all those Fallen tendencies we have like selfishness, pride, greed, lying, prejudice, the like. We can only Live with Christ when we Die to our Selves.
So to Live Abundantly we must Live like the dead.
Why would the dead get angry over a parking ticket? It doesn't matter to a dead person.
I'm a dead woman, who cares about that argument? Let's just enjoy the time we have together.
So I didn't get the dessert I wanted--I got fed, and that's more than most dead people can say!
Interesting way to look at it, isn't it.
I want to try it, and I think it might have something to do with the idea discussed last post.
Because what comes more naturally to a Dead person than praising the One who offers Life?
"All thy works shall praise thee, O LORD; and thy saints shall bless thee.
They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power;
To make known to the sons of men his mighty acts, and the glorious majesty of his kingdom.
Thy kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and thy dominion endureth throughout all generations.
The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down.
The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thout givest them their meat in due season.
Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works."
Psalm 145: 10-17 kjv
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Counting
I find lately I've developed a thing for lists...
I've also been in a bit of a funk. Spiritually speaking, I'm feeling dry. There's a variety of reasons, but one is that I find myself lacking the motivation to fix anything. I want to be motivated, but I'm not. The Meister would say I have a secondary motivation, but not a primary one...
Being a church-kid, I grew up hearing that a quick fix for this is to "count your blessings". Praise God for all He's done for me! And He has done a lot, but I'm loathe to use that method and today in my reading I think I figured out why.
In the words of the oh-so-venerable Rick Warren (yes, there's some sarcasm there, I'm not his biggest fan but I don't hate him either--God & I worked through that...):
It's not about me.
For instance, I know I'm blessed, I know I'm loved, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am treasured. That's not the issue. My problem is: I also know I don't deserve any of that. I am so unworthy of all my blessings! In the words of Isaiah:
"Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts." (Is. 6:5 kjv)
It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I know I am blessed, and I also know that I don't deserve any of it--the numbering of my blessings some days only serves to remind me of how unworthy I am. Ironic, isn't it?
So, in the face of such a knowledge, where does on find comfort?
To begin with: Self-confidence is extremely over-rated.
How, knowing that I am a sinner incapable of saving myself (again, something I've heard since my preschool years, thanks to growing up in the church), can I feel confident in myself? All my righteousness is as filthy rags, and the winds of my iniquity blows them away (combination of Isaiah and Paul there, this isn't just an Old Testament thing)--none of the good things I do are good enough. Where is the comfort in knowing I am blessed by gifts if I am tormented by my own inner lack of self-worth?
Ah, there it is. Self-worth. By myself I am nothing. But if I empty myself and allow Him to fill me instead, if I become His willing vessel--therein I find worth, because He is precious and priceless. And with Him in me, I am given worth.
Self-confidence is pointless, my Confidence comes from Above.
And so I count, not ways I've been blessed, but reasons why the God I find confidence in is worthy of worship.
The following list I write with a reason. I've been allowing myself to get distracted for a while. Who wouldn't? Flip back a few posts to what's been going on this year, you'll understand why. But I'm saddened to say that my passion for God, His glory, and His Kingdom has been dimming. I've succumbed to the newly-wed idea of getting entirely wrapped up in my new partner (not his fault at all!), going through the paces of the new job, nesting & trying to unpack, figuring out how old & new dreams factor into the lifestyle changes, and attempting to balance and juggle several relationships.
But God? We've not spoken much lately. And that saddens me.
I want to want Him more. I miss being passionately in love with Him
Perhaps... I've heard before from a few favourite authors that God likes to be pursued and wooed, just as we do. We've been together a long time (relatively speaking), Him and I. Perhaps to add some vigour to our dynamic, I should chase after Him, the Lover of my Soul.
In the last 5 Psalms is a beautiful theme: praise. A lot of the other Psalms praise Him too, but these last five are especially poignant because they are filled with purely praise for God's person. Not just because of what He's done, or will do, or in spite of the suffering going on right now, not crying out for help or anything like that. The Psalmist simply takes the time to speak wonderfully of & to God.
I'd like to go through these Psalms in the next few days, perhaps on here, perhaps by myself, who knows...
"I will extol thee, my God, O king; and I will bless thy name for ever and ever.
Every day will I bless thee; and I will praise thy name for ever and ever.
Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable.
One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts.
I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works.
And men shall speak of thy terrible acts: and I will declare thy greatness.
They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness.
The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.
The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.
All thy works shall praise thee, O LORD; and thy saints shall bless thee."
Psalm 145:1-10 kjv
To just sit and acknowledge Who God is. There is confidence and peace. The Psalmist had a lot to say, but as my own Lover, shouldn't I have something to say about Him too? Hence, I will count the ways my God is worthy of praise.
1. God is confusing. Yes, that's the first thing I came up with--but let's be honest, a lot of His followers feel this way & no one wants to say it out loud. I have heard so many times that God doesn't always make sense. What's your point? Neither does your girl/boyfriend, but that doesn't seem to stop your wanting to know more. I'm glad that my God is big enough and complex enough that I don't already understand Him all the time--how lame would that be? Because He is at times bewildering, I have the confidence that He will continue to be interesting for the rest of the Eternity I plan to spend getting to know Him better. If I--a finite human--knew Him completely, He would not be so worthy of praise.
2. He is patient. No matter how many times I think I've learned the lesson, He is still there to teach me again when I inevitably forget. I have forgotten, disobeyed, drifted away, lost patience, lost hope, and wailed in despair countless times--but He is always there, waiting to catch my tears and remind me that He is present and loving. He waits for me, and never grows weary of trying to teach me more about life at its fullest... more about Him. His never-ceasing patience is truly praiseworthy.
More will come later, I'm sure. In the meantime, I challenge you: why does knowing God give you confidence? Or, conversely, if you do not hold to the same beliefs that I do: what gives you confidence?
Later!
I've also been in a bit of a funk. Spiritually speaking, I'm feeling dry. There's a variety of reasons, but one is that I find myself lacking the motivation to fix anything. I want to be motivated, but I'm not. The Meister would say I have a secondary motivation, but not a primary one...
Being a church-kid, I grew up hearing that a quick fix for this is to "count your blessings". Praise God for all He's done for me! And He has done a lot, but I'm loathe to use that method and today in my reading I think I figured out why.
In the words of the oh-so-venerable Rick Warren (yes, there's some sarcasm there, I'm not his biggest fan but I don't hate him either--God & I worked through that...):
It's not about me.
For instance, I know I'm blessed, I know I'm loved, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am treasured. That's not the issue. My problem is: I also know I don't deserve any of that. I am so unworthy of all my blessings! In the words of Isaiah:
"Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts." (Is. 6:5 kjv)
It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I know I am blessed, and I also know that I don't deserve any of it--the numbering of my blessings some days only serves to remind me of how unworthy I am. Ironic, isn't it?
So, in the face of such a knowledge, where does on find comfort?
To begin with: Self-confidence is extremely over-rated.
How, knowing that I am a sinner incapable of saving myself (again, something I've heard since my preschool years, thanks to growing up in the church), can I feel confident in myself? All my righteousness is as filthy rags, and the winds of my iniquity blows them away (combination of Isaiah and Paul there, this isn't just an Old Testament thing)--none of the good things I do are good enough. Where is the comfort in knowing I am blessed by gifts if I am tormented by my own inner lack of self-worth?
Ah, there it is. Self-worth. By myself I am nothing. But if I empty myself and allow Him to fill me instead, if I become His willing vessel--therein I find worth, because He is precious and priceless. And with Him in me, I am given worth.
Self-confidence is pointless, my Confidence comes from Above.
And so I count, not ways I've been blessed, but reasons why the God I find confidence in is worthy of worship.
The following list I write with a reason. I've been allowing myself to get distracted for a while. Who wouldn't? Flip back a few posts to what's been going on this year, you'll understand why. But I'm saddened to say that my passion for God, His glory, and His Kingdom has been dimming. I've succumbed to the newly-wed idea of getting entirely wrapped up in my new partner (not his fault at all!), going through the paces of the new job, nesting & trying to unpack, figuring out how old & new dreams factor into the lifestyle changes, and attempting to balance and juggle several relationships.
But God? We've not spoken much lately. And that saddens me.
I want to want Him more. I miss being passionately in love with Him
Perhaps... I've heard before from a few favourite authors that God likes to be pursued and wooed, just as we do. We've been together a long time (relatively speaking), Him and I. Perhaps to add some vigour to our dynamic, I should chase after Him, the Lover of my Soul.
In the last 5 Psalms is a beautiful theme: praise. A lot of the other Psalms praise Him too, but these last five are especially poignant because they are filled with purely praise for God's person. Not just because of what He's done, or will do, or in spite of the suffering going on right now, not crying out for help or anything like that. The Psalmist simply takes the time to speak wonderfully of & to God.
I'd like to go through these Psalms in the next few days, perhaps on here, perhaps by myself, who knows...
"I will extol thee, my God, O king; and I will bless thy name for ever and ever.
Every day will I bless thee; and I will praise thy name for ever and ever.
Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable.
One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts.
I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works.
And men shall speak of thy terrible acts: and I will declare thy greatness.
They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness.
The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.
The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.
All thy works shall praise thee, O LORD; and thy saints shall bless thee."
Psalm 145:1-10 kjv
To just sit and acknowledge Who God is. There is confidence and peace. The Psalmist had a lot to say, but as my own Lover, shouldn't I have something to say about Him too? Hence, I will count the ways my God is worthy of praise.
1. God is confusing. Yes, that's the first thing I came up with--but let's be honest, a lot of His followers feel this way & no one wants to say it out loud. I have heard so many times that God doesn't always make sense. What's your point? Neither does your girl/boyfriend, but that doesn't seem to stop your wanting to know more. I'm glad that my God is big enough and complex enough that I don't already understand Him all the time--how lame would that be? Because He is at times bewildering, I have the confidence that He will continue to be interesting for the rest of the Eternity I plan to spend getting to know Him better. If I--a finite human--knew Him completely, He would not be so worthy of praise.
2. He is patient. No matter how many times I think I've learned the lesson, He is still there to teach me again when I inevitably forget. I have forgotten, disobeyed, drifted away, lost patience, lost hope, and wailed in despair countless times--but He is always there, waiting to catch my tears and remind me that He is present and loving. He waits for me, and never grows weary of trying to teach me more about life at its fullest... more about Him. His never-ceasing patience is truly praiseworthy.
More will come later, I'm sure. In the meantime, I challenge you: why does knowing God give you confidence? Or, conversely, if you do not hold to the same beliefs that I do: what gives you confidence?
Later!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Still not Charming
I simply cannot walk away from a post and then finish it the next day. I've tried that three times now, and each time I come back and think "why? why did I write that & think it was something I wanted to post?!"
I'll wait till Time, that lovely lady, has made my outlook on those writings a little kinder, and maybe I'll post them in abstract...
In the meantime, I swear, I will finish this post today!!! So there!
Even if I don't know what to write about yet... *le sigh*
Screw it. I'm going to look for auditions. Later.
I'll wait till Time, that lovely lady, has made my outlook on those writings a little kinder, and maybe I'll post them in abstract...
In the meantime, I swear, I will finish this post today!!! So there!
Even if I don't know what to write about yet... *le sigh*
Screw it. I'm going to look for auditions. Later.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Listiness
First off though...
#4 Things I Love About My Husband: The way he is around kids. Mind you, I'm not exactly a huge fan of children. In small quantities they're okay, but you get more than 3-5 of them around, and I start looking for an escape route. They just get me all nervous and edgy, y'know? You think "mob mentality" is bad, the kids' version is terrifying! I mean, have you READ "Lord of the Flies"?! But Husband, he's amazing. As soon as we walk into church every person under 16 is swarming him, getting hugs, high-fives, fist-bumps, and love in whatever form they understand it best in. Because that's what he does--he meets each child at their level and shows them how much he loves them in a way they understand immediately. And it's truly breathtaking to watch him as he does this.
Now, what was it I said I was going to do last time I was here? Ah yes, a List. I don't usually do lists on here... as a rule, I'm not usually capable of sticking with a list long enough to finish writing it... and to-do lists are the bane of my productivity! I expend so much constructiveness in creating the list that I have none left to accomplish the tasks that are ON the list! But, it's a brand new day ("and the sun is high, all the birds are singin'--" anyone? anyone? If you know what I'm singing you are officially awesome!), so here it is:
102 Wonderful, Crazy, Confusing Things From the Last Year (not necessarily in order of any kind)
1. Signed a lease for the first time--and could afford to do it on my own with no co-sign! Woot!
2. Moved into my first apartment. No roommate, just moi.
3. Had a long-distance romance with an amazing man...
4. Was proposed to by that amazing man...
5. And married him. :)
6. Planned a wedding.
7. Quit my job.
8. My car got towed...
9. Ransomed my car back!
10. Moved in with my Awesome Stister & her family.
11. Had to buy out my lease.
12. Gained a whole new appreciation for stars.
13. Saw a guy sitting in a recliner in an empty lot in the middle of the city... he was reading a book.
14. Got a Minnesota drivers' licence (still can't spell "licence" without spellcheck though...)
15. Acted in a spectacular production of "The Hobbit".
16. Learned how to flamenco.
17. Was part of a dragon (the intestines, to be exact).
18. Had a director call me and ask me to audition for his show.
19. Had to turn down a requested audition... because I was already in a show! ;)
20. Waged war against bed-bugs--and won!
21. Pet a lonely cat... won't do that again in a hurry, see 20.
22. Lived with a very cheeky mouse, in spite of 21.
23. Was serenaded by a Mormon and his wife.
24. Survived a Minnesota summer without an air conditioner.
25. Ditched my microwave and learned to cook without one.
26. Learned to cook. Ish. ;)
27. Got a new job.
28. Finally learned how to use Adobe.
29. Lost the Game. A lot. (You just did too! ;D )
30. Turned a quarter of a century old.
31. Found out that it's not as terrible as I was afraid it would be.
32. Made friends with a neurotic German shepherd.
33. Kept the bamboo alive!
34. Unpacked almost all the way... once.
35. Got rid of all my paints.
36. Saw all my paints replaced, by Wonderful Husband.
37. Said goodbye to Minneapolis.
38. Said goodbye to Minnesota winters. ;)
39. Bought my first pair of character shoes--for far cheaper than I thought!
40. Tried on wedding dresses.
41. Lost something forever, and glad to see it go!
42. Stayed at a Bed&Breakfast.
43. Saw Superman.
44. Tried to kill Beorn... several times, without success.
45. Survived the major battle!
46. Had several epiphanies.
47. Ran around barefoot.
48. Ran on all fours.
49. Got in a fight with an African Wild Dog... and won.
50. Learned how to Suzuki.
51. Got angry at a clown and wrecked his world... several times, without remorse.
52. Bought a bridesmaid's dress.... and it's purple.
53. Moved in with a guy... who's my husband... ;D
54. Cried, several times for several reasons... and sometimes for no reason at all.
55. Laughed, a lot, several times for several reasons... and often for the best reasons in the world.
56. Reconnected with wonderful friends that I had not seen in far too long.
57. Saw "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" for the first time.
58. Saw my Freshmen again... they're graduating this year!?
59. Re-prioritized.
60. Learned how to grow Sweet Potatoes in Minnesota (from a guy with one eye and four teeth).
61. Became a regular customer at a coffee-shop.
62. Performed in my first Fringe Festival.
63. Became a regular customer at 2 different Jimmy Johns.
64. Moved to a place Jimmy Johns won't deliver.
65. Sat outside and soaked up the sunshine.
66. Was hit on by several creepers... and gleefully used the out of "I have a Boyfriend/Fiancee/Husband." ;D
67. Read several good books.
68. Saw several good shows.
69. Met a friend's baby for the first time.
70. Danced at my wedding.
71. Went car-shopping with a friend.
72. Paid my own electric bill.
73. Kept my electric bill under $25 each month! See 24 & 25
74. Voted in a Presidential Election.
75. Changed my Facebook relationship status... among other things.
76. Acquired a wonderful & loving set of in-laws.
77. Bought new jeans!
78. Found my Home.
79. Started Thanksgiving with Strangers, ended it among Family.
80. Won Nana's approval.
81. Visited Louisiana for the first time.
82. Played over 75 hours of Skyrim... I am the DragonBorn!!
83. Played songs from Star Trek, Skyrim, and LOTR in my wedding... ;)
84. Flew an RC helicopter... and liked it.
85. Got a "real dayjob".
86. Learned what "the Mondays" are... see 85.
87. Rediscovered some stories I thought were lost.
88. Got 2 library cards in 2 different states.
89. Had the library card from the state I'm living in de-activated.
90. Sent out a lot of mail (and will be sending out more!)
91. Learned how loved I truly am, by so many truly lovely people.
92. Drove a U-Haul truck for the first time... with a car trailer behind it.
93. Only made Mum scream once... see 92 ;)
94. Danced in the middle of my living room.
95. Was scared out of bed by a pigeon.
96. Dropped my phone in the toilet... twice.
97. Had to replace my phone once... see 96
98. Learned the hard way not to name cellular devices after the Celtic goddess of fire.
99. Rekindled the passion for writing.
100. Got some new jewelry... see 4 and 5.
101. Changed direction, several times.
102. Dreamt brand new dreams.
No regrets. Not "no bad decisions", just "no regrets". I hope to look back on this span of time and be able to say that. It's not something that includes the flipping of a switch though. The longer I look, the more I think that "no regrets" is more of a process than anything else.
Why bother regretting what I cannot change? What might actually be the catalyst that causes something beautiful and new. If I regret that choice, I might forget to learn from it, and miss out on the opportunities being presented in the here and now.
It's been quite the year.
#4 Things I Love About My Husband: The way he is around kids. Mind you, I'm not exactly a huge fan of children. In small quantities they're okay, but you get more than 3-5 of them around, and I start looking for an escape route. They just get me all nervous and edgy, y'know? You think "mob mentality" is bad, the kids' version is terrifying! I mean, have you READ "Lord of the Flies"?! But Husband, he's amazing. As soon as we walk into church every person under 16 is swarming him, getting hugs, high-fives, fist-bumps, and love in whatever form they understand it best in. Because that's what he does--he meets each child at their level and shows them how much he loves them in a way they understand immediately. And it's truly breathtaking to watch him as he does this.
Now, what was it I said I was going to do last time I was here? Ah yes, a List. I don't usually do lists on here... as a rule, I'm not usually capable of sticking with a list long enough to finish writing it... and to-do lists are the bane of my productivity! I expend so much constructiveness in creating the list that I have none left to accomplish the tasks that are ON the list! But, it's a brand new day ("and the sun is high, all the birds are singin'--" anyone? anyone? If you know what I'm singing you are officially awesome!), so here it is:
102 Wonderful, Crazy, Confusing Things From the Last Year (not necessarily in order of any kind)
1. Signed a lease for the first time--and could afford to do it on my own with no co-sign! Woot!
2. Moved into my first apartment. No roommate, just moi.
3. Had a long-distance romance with an amazing man...
4. Was proposed to by that amazing man...
5. And married him. :)
6. Planned a wedding.
7. Quit my job.
8. My car got towed...
9. Ransomed my car back!
10. Moved in with my Awesome Stister & her family.
11. Had to buy out my lease.
12. Gained a whole new appreciation for stars.
13. Saw a guy sitting in a recliner in an empty lot in the middle of the city... he was reading a book.
14. Got a Minnesota drivers' licence (still can't spell "licence" without spellcheck though...)
15. Acted in a spectacular production of "The Hobbit".
16. Learned how to flamenco.
17. Was part of a dragon (the intestines, to be exact).
18. Had a director call me and ask me to audition for his show.
19. Had to turn down a requested audition... because I was already in a show! ;)
20. Waged war against bed-bugs--and won!
21. Pet a lonely cat... won't do that again in a hurry, see 20.
22. Lived with a very cheeky mouse, in spite of 21.
23. Was serenaded by a Mormon and his wife.
24. Survived a Minnesota summer without an air conditioner.
25. Ditched my microwave and learned to cook without one.
26. Learned to cook. Ish. ;)
27. Got a new job.
28. Finally learned how to use Adobe.
29. Lost the Game. A lot. (You just did too! ;D )
30. Turned a quarter of a century old.
31. Found out that it's not as terrible as I was afraid it would be.
32. Made friends with a neurotic German shepherd.
33. Kept the bamboo alive!
34. Unpacked almost all the way... once.
35. Got rid of all my paints.
36. Saw all my paints replaced, by Wonderful Husband.
37. Said goodbye to Minneapolis.
38. Said goodbye to Minnesota winters. ;)
39. Bought my first pair of character shoes--for far cheaper than I thought!
40. Tried on wedding dresses.
41. Lost something forever, and glad to see it go!
42. Stayed at a Bed&Breakfast.
43. Saw Superman.
44. Tried to kill Beorn... several times, without success.
45. Survived the major battle!
46. Had several epiphanies.
47. Ran around barefoot.
48. Ran on all fours.
49. Got in a fight with an African Wild Dog... and won.
50. Learned how to Suzuki.
51. Got angry at a clown and wrecked his world... several times, without remorse.
52. Bought a bridesmaid's dress.... and it's purple.
53. Moved in with a guy... who's my husband... ;D
54. Cried, several times for several reasons... and sometimes for no reason at all.
55. Laughed, a lot, several times for several reasons... and often for the best reasons in the world.
56. Reconnected with wonderful friends that I had not seen in far too long.
57. Saw "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" for the first time.
58. Saw my Freshmen again... they're graduating this year!?
59. Re-prioritized.
60. Learned how to grow Sweet Potatoes in Minnesota (from a guy with one eye and four teeth).
61. Became a regular customer at a coffee-shop.
62. Performed in my first Fringe Festival.
63. Became a regular customer at 2 different Jimmy Johns.
64. Moved to a place Jimmy Johns won't deliver.
65. Sat outside and soaked up the sunshine.
66. Was hit on by several creepers... and gleefully used the out of "I have a Boyfriend/Fiancee/Husband." ;D
67. Read several good books.
68. Saw several good shows.
69. Met a friend's baby for the first time.
70. Danced at my wedding.
71. Went car-shopping with a friend.
72. Paid my own electric bill.
73. Kept my electric bill under $25 each month! See 24 & 25
74. Voted in a Presidential Election.
75. Changed my Facebook relationship status... among other things.
76. Acquired a wonderful & loving set of in-laws.
77. Bought new jeans!
78. Found my Home.
79. Started Thanksgiving with Strangers, ended it among Family.
80. Won Nana's approval.
81. Visited Louisiana for the first time.
82. Played over 75 hours of Skyrim... I am the DragonBorn!!
83. Played songs from Star Trek, Skyrim, and LOTR in my wedding... ;)
84. Flew an RC helicopter... and liked it.
85. Got a "real dayjob".
86. Learned what "the Mondays" are... see 85.
87. Rediscovered some stories I thought were lost.
88. Got 2 library cards in 2 different states.
89. Had the library card from the state I'm living in de-activated.
90. Sent out a lot of mail (and will be sending out more!)
91. Learned how loved I truly am, by so many truly lovely people.
92. Drove a U-Haul truck for the first time... with a car trailer behind it.
93. Only made Mum scream once... see 92 ;)
94. Danced in the middle of my living room.
95. Was scared out of bed by a pigeon.
96. Dropped my phone in the toilet... twice.
97. Had to replace my phone once... see 96
98. Learned the hard way not to name cellular devices after the Celtic goddess of fire.
99. Rekindled the passion for writing.
100. Got some new jewelry... see 4 and 5.
101. Changed direction, several times.
102. Dreamt brand new dreams.
No regrets. Not "no bad decisions", just "no regrets". I hope to look back on this span of time and be able to say that. It's not something that includes the flipping of a switch though. The longer I look, the more I think that "no regrets" is more of a process than anything else.
Why bother regretting what I cannot change? What might actually be the catalyst that causes something beautiful and new. If I regret that choice, I might forget to learn from it, and miss out on the opportunities being presented in the here and now.
It's been quite the year.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
My Sandal Broke :(
I'm so glad the warm weather is here so I don't have to wear shoes so much anymore!! I tripped over my feet on my lunch break today and yanked the strap on my (dress) sandal right out of the shoe itself. Mer. I now have no dress sandals... again... until I can get the superglue after these. :) On the upside, I spent my lunch break outside barefoot. :D
#3 Things I Love About My Husband: He tolerates my glitter. I'm not usually an overly-feminine girl, a "girly-girl" if you will--but I do delight in things that shine &/or glitter. I've been told that shopping with me is like shopping with a magpie, a butterfly, and a cat (I've also been compared to all of the above, but on crack). Husband, poor man, thinks of glitter as "the herpes of craft supplies"... it is very much to his chagrin that he finds himself living with someone who--for all intents and purposes--secretes glitter through her pores. But he has graciously risen to the occasion, embracing the shiny and accepting his fate. He has even gone so far as to give me gifts of glitter, knowing that it would end up on him!
His ... I don't even know a word for what I see in him! It's a mixture of so many good things: patience, endurance, fortitude, tranquility, acceptance, serenity, all liberally dosed in love. His strength shines through in every exasperated smile he gives me when he finds another piece of glitter in an unlikely location. His long-suffering is manifest every time he leaves the shiny where he found it. He is a manly man of God, and I love that about him.
So life. Life is good right now, there's a lot to do, but I think that's pretty normal. Life isn't so hectic that I feel as thought I'm running myself into the ground, but neither is it so slow that I'm driving myself crazy in trying to come up with stuff to do. There's still a lot of unpacking to do... I came to the startling realization yesterday that moving in with Husband was my 4th move in 1 year! I'm not complaining though, it has been a fantastic year, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything. So much has been accomplished in one year, it's crazy! I'm excited to see what the next one brings. :D
Maybe tomorrow I'll make a list of "102 Crazy Things That Happened in the Last Year"... That could be interesting...
But for now, Story Time!! Whoohoo! :D
~*~
T'Fen just laughed at the Woman's agitation. The flaming bird flew closer to the rooftop they perched upon.
"No really," she insisted. "How are we supposed to ride that without burning blacker than every dinner my ma ever made?"
Eyes twinkling with laughter, T'fen tossed her a length of rope. "Tie that end into a sling y'can sit in, then toss me th'other end."
"Right, because a rope will surely burn less than we will!" Her sarcasm made the the man's eyes roll.
"Rope blessed against fire will surely not burn at all--now tie that rope about ya!"
Her eyebrows raised, the Woman hastened to do as bid, then tossed the rope to T'fen. He was similarly outfitted in a sling, and snatched at the end of her rope to tie it off to his. As the Phoenix flew near to their tower, T'fen tossed the rope at the bird, who swooped to pluck it out of the air. It screamed its success to the fortress below, and soared up, pumping its wings to gain altitude.
"You'll have to tell me that story when we get back," the Woman said as they stood, watching the slack running out of their ropes.
"What story?"
"How you manages to afford a Phoenix and get your hands on blessed rope."
T'fen shrugged, just as they lifted off the roof. "'Twas cheaper than getting a dragon."
#3 Things I Love About My Husband: He tolerates my glitter. I'm not usually an overly-feminine girl, a "girly-girl" if you will--but I do delight in things that shine &/or glitter. I've been told that shopping with me is like shopping with a magpie, a butterfly, and a cat (I've also been compared to all of the above, but on crack). Husband, poor man, thinks of glitter as "the herpes of craft supplies"... it is very much to his chagrin that he finds himself living with someone who--for all intents and purposes--secretes glitter through her pores. But he has graciously risen to the occasion, embracing the shiny and accepting his fate. He has even gone so far as to give me gifts of glitter, knowing that it would end up on him!
His ... I don't even know a word for what I see in him! It's a mixture of so many good things: patience, endurance, fortitude, tranquility, acceptance, serenity, all liberally dosed in love. His strength shines through in every exasperated smile he gives me when he finds another piece of glitter in an unlikely location. His long-suffering is manifest every time he leaves the shiny where he found it. He is a manly man of God, and I love that about him.
So life. Life is good right now, there's a lot to do, but I think that's pretty normal. Life isn't so hectic that I feel as thought I'm running myself into the ground, but neither is it so slow that I'm driving myself crazy in trying to come up with stuff to do. There's still a lot of unpacking to do... I came to the startling realization yesterday that moving in with Husband was my 4th move in 1 year! I'm not complaining though, it has been a fantastic year, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything. So much has been accomplished in one year, it's crazy! I'm excited to see what the next one brings. :D
Maybe tomorrow I'll make a list of "102 Crazy Things That Happened in the Last Year"... That could be interesting...
But for now, Story Time!! Whoohoo! :D
~*~
T'Fen just laughed at the Woman's agitation. The flaming bird flew closer to the rooftop they perched upon.
"No really," she insisted. "How are we supposed to ride that without burning blacker than every dinner my ma ever made?"
Eyes twinkling with laughter, T'fen tossed her a length of rope. "Tie that end into a sling y'can sit in, then toss me th'other end."
"Right, because a rope will surely burn less than we will!" Her sarcasm made the the man's eyes roll.
"Rope blessed against fire will surely not burn at all--now tie that rope about ya!"
Her eyebrows raised, the Woman hastened to do as bid, then tossed the rope to T'fen. He was similarly outfitted in a sling, and snatched at the end of her rope to tie it off to his. As the Phoenix flew near to their tower, T'fen tossed the rope at the bird, who swooped to pluck it out of the air. It screamed its success to the fortress below, and soared up, pumping its wings to gain altitude.
"You'll have to tell me that story when we get back," the Woman said as they stood, watching the slack running out of their ropes.
"What story?"
"How you manages to afford a Phoenix and get your hands on blessed rope."
T'fen shrugged, just as they lifted off the roof. "'Twas cheaper than getting a dragon."
Monday, April 8, 2013
Post 100!!! Whoohoo!!! :D
Yay! This means I'm a real blogger now, right? ... maybe? What does that mean again? :S
#2 Things I Love About My Husband.
He thinks it's cute when I fart. That's true love right there folks, my guy thinks I'm cute when I fart. Even I don't think that about myself! But when I let one rip that he can hear from the other room he laughs and runs in to kiss me and tell me how adorable he thinks I am. And I love him for it--it's weird, but he builds my confidence and my trust in both myself as an individual and in our relationship by his delight in such a thing as my farts.
And yes, I think he's adorable when he farts too. As long as he's not giving me a Dutch Oven with them anyway... :P
I would love to give an update on life, but I only have a brief time left before writing-time expires. In choosing between personal anecdotes & continuing that story I started, Story won out. I don't know about you all, but I wanna find out what happens!
...Oh no, you weren't under the impression that I know what's going on in this story, were you? Psh, yeah right! ;)
~*~
The Man chuckled to himself as he swarmed back up the way he had come. Upon reaching the roof he turned to offer his assistance to the Woman. He frowned when she hesitated.
"Come on, our ride will be here soon and we need to be ready!"
"But T'fen, they've still got all my stuff!"
"We'll get you some shiny new stuff later. Now come ON!"
The Woman flashed him a grin and bounded up the rope, surprising T'fen into almost falling back into the cell. Upon reaching the rooftop she stood and stretched, then rubbed her wrists and gazed around.
"Where's this 'ride' we're s'posed to be escaping on?"
T'fen smiled and pointed. "Yonder."
"Where the fire is? So much for stealth."
"We're not gonna need stealth to get out of here. And our ride isn't at the fire, it's above it."
The Woman's eyes grew large as she saw what was hovering above a now blazing building.
"How're we s'posed to ride a phoenix?"
#2 Things I Love About My Husband.
He thinks it's cute when I fart. That's true love right there folks, my guy thinks I'm cute when I fart. Even I don't think that about myself! But when I let one rip that he can hear from the other room he laughs and runs in to kiss me and tell me how adorable he thinks I am. And I love him for it--it's weird, but he builds my confidence and my trust in both myself as an individual and in our relationship by his delight in such a thing as my farts.
And yes, I think he's adorable when he farts too. As long as he's not giving me a Dutch Oven with them anyway... :P
I would love to give an update on life, but I only have a brief time left before writing-time expires. In choosing between personal anecdotes & continuing that story I started, Story won out. I don't know about you all, but I wanna find out what happens!
...Oh no, you weren't under the impression that I know what's going on in this story, were you? Psh, yeah right! ;)
~*~
The Man chuckled to himself as he swarmed back up the way he had come. Upon reaching the roof he turned to offer his assistance to the Woman. He frowned when she hesitated.
"Come on, our ride will be here soon and we need to be ready!"
"But T'fen, they've still got all my stuff!"
"We'll get you some shiny new stuff later. Now come ON!"
The Woman flashed him a grin and bounded up the rope, surprising T'fen into almost falling back into the cell. Upon reaching the rooftop she stood and stretched, then rubbed her wrists and gazed around.
"Where's this 'ride' we're s'posed to be escaping on?"
T'fen smiled and pointed. "Yonder."
"Where the fire is? So much for stealth."
"We're not gonna need stealth to get out of here. And our ride isn't at the fire, it's above it."
The Woman's eyes grew large as she saw what was hovering above a now blazing building.
"How're we s'posed to ride a phoenix?"
Friday, April 5, 2013
The Last of the 2 digit Posts
With post #99 I'm starting something new. I'm going to post 1 things I love about my husband (I have a husband guys! How weirdly awesome is that?!). Only 1 at a time, but I want to practice loving on him in a more public way than I usually show affection. Call me weird, but I love him, and I want to brag on him, because he's just that awesome. :) Be prepared, some will be deep, some shallow, and some will just be out-there... because that's just who we are.
So, here's to new traditions!
I love that sparkle in his eye that appears whenever he sees an opportunity for fun to be had. A new idea for a joke, a new place to explore, a new story to hear or be told--all of these things bring a spark into his eyes that tell me he's thinking of something that I absolutely want in on! I love seeing that twinkle light up his countenance. :)
With Post 99 I would also like to continue that snippet I started yesterday... Anyone else want to come along for the ride? ;)
~*~
The Woman allowed herself a slight smile as she felt the dust trickle onto her petite nose; otherwise she continued in her unmoving vigil. The only thing the guards looking in on her saw was her unsettling gaze at the floor.
No one bothered looking up.
The day passed, and with it the light died out and plunged the tower cell into darkness. Still the Woman stood. The guards outside her door chatted amiably about the extra shift on duty in the stairway of the tower; slowly their conversation died out as they nodded.
When all was silent in the tower the Woman at last looked up, just in time to see a section of the ceiling being pulled away to reveal the starlight of the night sky. A thin rope slithered through the hole, and a figure slithered down after it to land next to the Woman.
"What's this, still in chains? You're s'posed to be ready to go!"
The Woman laughed quietly at the confusion of the Man who had just entered her cell. Shaking her wrists quietly, she caught the manacles as they fell and lowered them to the ground without letting a noise escape them.
"I am ready."
So, here's to new traditions!
I love that sparkle in his eye that appears whenever he sees an opportunity for fun to be had. A new idea for a joke, a new place to explore, a new story to hear or be told--all of these things bring a spark into his eyes that tell me he's thinking of something that I absolutely want in on! I love seeing that twinkle light up his countenance. :)
With Post 99 I would also like to continue that snippet I started yesterday... Anyone else want to come along for the ride? ;)
~*~
The Woman allowed herself a slight smile as she felt the dust trickle onto her petite nose; otherwise she continued in her unmoving vigil. The only thing the guards looking in on her saw was her unsettling gaze at the floor.
No one bothered looking up.
The day passed, and with it the light died out and plunged the tower cell into darkness. Still the Woman stood. The guards outside her door chatted amiably about the extra shift on duty in the stairway of the tower; slowly their conversation died out as they nodded.
When all was silent in the tower the Woman at last looked up, just in time to see a section of the ceiling being pulled away to reveal the starlight of the night sky. A thin rope slithered through the hole, and a figure slithered down after it to land next to the Woman.
"What's this, still in chains? You're s'posed to be ready to go!"
The Woman laughed quietly at the confusion of the Man who had just entered her cell. Shaking her wrists quietly, she caught the manacles as they fell and lowered them to the ground without letting a noise escape them.
"I am ready."
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Inspiration
I started this post the first time as a post about inspiration. It dead-ended pretty quickly. Irony: she's a Witch with a Capital "B". :P
The real question is: Now that writing about inspiration itself has failed, what to write about?
Story Time!!! :D
~*~
It was raining outside, but if the Woman in chains even heard it she gave to outward sign. Her jailers reported to the captain outside her cell that she hadn't moved in hours. All the Woman did was stand in the middle of the room, gazing at a fixed point on the floor.
The Captain peered through the door window at the Woman, more curious than malevolent.
"What's she see?"
"Dunno," one of the guards answered. "Must be mighty interestin' though. She ain't even moved to eat her breakfast, and you know how she is about not skipping those meals!"
The Captain knew how she was, and that only served to increase his suspicions. "You in there," he spoke through the door, "What's so interesting about that floor?"
Like the rain outside, the Captain's voice made no impact on the Woman; she continued her vigil. He shrugged and turned away from the cell and back to the guards.
"What d'ya want us to do?" one asked him.
Sparing another glance for the prisoner, the Captain shrugged again. "Nothing. She can stand there and look all she wants, what's it to us if she starves herself? It's not like anyone's coming to rescue her that way, we're as high up as ya get in this tower." I'll add another patrol to guard the stairs down, he thought all the same. Just to be safe.
When the Captain had departed, the guards gone back to their usual pastimes, and the rain was quieting the Woman was still in her place, watching the same portion of floor. Hours had passed.
A deliberate trickle of dust fell from the ceiling directly above the Woman, falling onto her nose.
She smiled.
~*~
And with that, I'll end Story Time for today. I like this one though, I may follow it a bit more, who knows? :) Guess we'll both hafta find out later.
Oh, and the new motto is: "Keep Calm: Nobody else knows what they're doing either."
The real question is: Now that writing about inspiration itself has failed, what to write about?
Story Time!!! :D
~*~
It was raining outside, but if the Woman in chains even heard it she gave to outward sign. Her jailers reported to the captain outside her cell that she hadn't moved in hours. All the Woman did was stand in the middle of the room, gazing at a fixed point on the floor.
The Captain peered through the door window at the Woman, more curious than malevolent.
"What's she see?"
"Dunno," one of the guards answered. "Must be mighty interestin' though. She ain't even moved to eat her breakfast, and you know how she is about not skipping those meals!"
The Captain knew how she was, and that only served to increase his suspicions. "You in there," he spoke through the door, "What's so interesting about that floor?"
Like the rain outside, the Captain's voice made no impact on the Woman; she continued her vigil. He shrugged and turned away from the cell and back to the guards.
"What d'ya want us to do?" one asked him.
Sparing another glance for the prisoner, the Captain shrugged again. "Nothing. She can stand there and look all she wants, what's it to us if she starves herself? It's not like anyone's coming to rescue her that way, we're as high up as ya get in this tower." I'll add another patrol to guard the stairs down, he thought all the same. Just to be safe.
When the Captain had departed, the guards gone back to their usual pastimes, and the rain was quieting the Woman was still in her place, watching the same portion of floor. Hours had passed.
A deliberate trickle of dust fell from the ceiling directly above the Woman, falling onto her nose.
She smiled.
~*~
And with that, I'll end Story Time for today. I like this one though, I may follow it a bit more, who knows? :) Guess we'll both hafta find out later.
Oh, and the new motto is: "Keep Calm: Nobody else knows what they're doing either."
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
I really do like writing... I swear I do!
Mer. I hate these kind of funks. They're crazy hate spirals of lethargy...
Guess what? Getting married didn't magically transform me into more responsible, upright, and constructive member of society. Shuckenzie.
Not that I actually thought it would, I really wasn't THAT dim... But I do remember thinking a few things like, "I'll work on that after the wedding", "It'll be so nice when there's more time to do ___", and even "Think of all the things we can do together after the wedding!"
And yes, the rational part of my self knew the whole time that I would still be the same person after as I was before, the same video-game playing, whimsical, sometimes-lazy, disorganized me. (I could add other adjectives, but I wanted to keep to the point... ish...) I knew changing Boyfriend's title to Husband would not change my personal characteristics overnight, but rather it would influence goals and objectives--bringing change to my self gradually over time.
But I think some small part of me (the five-year-old, probably... Her name is Sheila) was... not "disappointed", more like "bemused". I'm not a responsible adult yet, isn't that supposed to happen sometime? I still pick my lip, I still procrastinate, I still try to wriggle out of things I don't want to do, I still pick my nose when I'm by myself (you do too, admit it, tissue or no that booger came out of your nostril & it left by aid of your finger!!), and I still like playing video games & reading kids' books.
Not to blame this bafflement on marriage or Husband--no, I also experienced this vague bewilderment upon getting my driver's license, graduating highschool, graduating college, getting my own apartment, just about every milestone you can think of has been illumed by a brief ray of "Yes! We made it here!!" followed by a puzzling "wait, I still feel like I did before... is that supposed to happen?"
Now I know I'm going to get into trouble if I don't clarify this, so here we go. ;)
Marriage is wonderful, delightful, brand-new and all kinds of different than the single life I was living before. I love Husband, and the life we're building together is amazing and refreshing. I have new goals in life, new objectives, new "achievements to unlock" (yes, I have been playing more Skyrim than is strictly healthy...). But my thought patterns, personality quirks, habits, tics, selfish behaviours, the "inner demons" are still around. All that is still inside. Yes, the heart is trying to draw closer to God, and yes, it's delightful to travel that path with someone alongside me (I lurv you Husband!), and yet...
I dunno. I was really hoping I would've kicked that whole lip-picking thing by now. :P And the procrastinating thing, I was REALLY hoping to be over that... there's so much stuff to do now!? Like, y'know, thank you cards!!! SO MANY THANK YOU CARDS!!! Not to say I'm not thankful, I truly am! But that awful little Sheila (the 5yr-old) never wants to get my butt into gear and do productive stuff. :(
I'm really wondering where I was going with this when I started. I honestly have little-to-no idea right now, and am questioning the wisdom of writing anymore. But hey, why not? In about 10 minutes I'm signing off, going home, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet that tonight I will ACCOMPLISH THINGS!!
I should really get a pretty floral bonnet...
Y'know, things like paperwork, thank you cards, cleaning, nesting, unpacking, constructive grownup things that aren't just watching Doctor Who or Game of Thrones or playing Skyrim.
Man, that doesn't sound like fun at all. I should really stop whining sometime too, when does not whining anymore happen? I'm looking forward to that one.
When I was a kid, I always imagined adult problems would be so much more interesting. But they're not really, they've evolved so slowly that even looking back it's hard to tell when the kid problems morphed into today's worries. I know I'm different than I was, it's just hard to nail down how, exactly.
I'm glad Spring is here.
Guess what? Getting married didn't magically transform me into more responsible, upright, and constructive member of society. Shuckenzie.
Not that I actually thought it would, I really wasn't THAT dim... But I do remember thinking a few things like, "I'll work on that after the wedding", "It'll be so nice when there's more time to do ___", and even "Think of all the things we can do together after the wedding!"
And yes, the rational part of my self knew the whole time that I would still be the same person after as I was before, the same video-game playing, whimsical, sometimes-lazy, disorganized me. (I could add other adjectives, but I wanted to keep to the point... ish...) I knew changing Boyfriend's title to Husband would not change my personal characteristics overnight, but rather it would influence goals and objectives--bringing change to my self gradually over time.
But I think some small part of me (the five-year-old, probably... Her name is Sheila) was... not "disappointed", more like "bemused". I'm not a responsible adult yet, isn't that supposed to happen sometime? I still pick my lip, I still procrastinate, I still try to wriggle out of things I don't want to do, I still pick my nose when I'm by myself (you do too, admit it, tissue or no that booger came out of your nostril & it left by aid of your finger!!), and I still like playing video games & reading kids' books.
Not to blame this bafflement on marriage or Husband--no, I also experienced this vague bewilderment upon getting my driver's license, graduating highschool, graduating college, getting my own apartment, just about every milestone you can think of has been illumed by a brief ray of "Yes! We made it here!!" followed by a puzzling "wait, I still feel like I did before... is that supposed to happen?"
Now I know I'm going to get into trouble if I don't clarify this, so here we go. ;)
Marriage is wonderful, delightful, brand-new and all kinds of different than the single life I was living before. I love Husband, and the life we're building together is amazing and refreshing. I have new goals in life, new objectives, new "achievements to unlock" (yes, I have been playing more Skyrim than is strictly healthy...). But my thought patterns, personality quirks, habits, tics, selfish behaviours, the "inner demons" are still around. All that is still inside. Yes, the heart is trying to draw closer to God, and yes, it's delightful to travel that path with someone alongside me (I lurv you Husband!), and yet...
I dunno. I was really hoping I would've kicked that whole lip-picking thing by now. :P And the procrastinating thing, I was REALLY hoping to be over that... there's so much stuff to do now!? Like, y'know, thank you cards!!! SO MANY THANK YOU CARDS!!! Not to say I'm not thankful, I truly am! But that awful little Sheila (the 5yr-old) never wants to get my butt into gear and do productive stuff. :(
I'm really wondering where I was going with this when I started. I honestly have little-to-no idea right now, and am questioning the wisdom of writing anymore. But hey, why not? In about 10 minutes I'm signing off, going home, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet that tonight I will ACCOMPLISH THINGS!!
I should really get a pretty floral bonnet...
Y'know, things like paperwork, thank you cards, cleaning, nesting, unpacking, constructive grownup things that aren't just watching Doctor Who or Game of Thrones or playing Skyrim.
Man, that doesn't sound like fun at all. I should really stop whining sometime too, when does not whining anymore happen? I'm looking forward to that one.
When I was a kid, I always imagined adult problems would be so much more interesting. But they're not really, they've evolved so slowly that even looking back it's hard to tell when the kid problems morphed into today's worries. I know I'm different than I was, it's just hard to nail down how, exactly.
I'm glad Spring is here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)