I have one in my pocket!! :D
It might be worth figuring out how to upload pictures to this just to be able to show off my blue duck...
The best part is that he was free! The church was cleaning up the football field this morning (the highschool had a game last night--why is "high school" not one word?) and I found him under the bleachers.
Okay, so he's a rubber pencil-topper, but he's so cute! Much cuter than the wad of chewing gum I thought he was at first.
Also, I have a friend! In town!! Whoohoo!! It was really quite random today, I decided to finish reading "Piercing the Darkness" (another Perretti work) before going to the library, which means that I was just pulling up shortly before 4. L. rode in on his bike as I was sitting on the back of Liffey (my car), and we started chatting. He's someone I used to work with at the grocery store--and he always made it more interesting (he's a fellow thespian, how could he not?), so no I'm not just striking up random conversations with strangers riding by on bikes--don't worry. But one thing led to another, we both found out about the other person being lonely, so we had a lot of laughter & he just came back to ask if he looked ridiculous. :)
I've missed having friends my own age--especially having guyfriends. I never realized just how much I love my brothers until I didn't have them around anymore.
I remember now, I wanted to write about soccer!
Sorry, that was actually in response to my nephew's game that I went to this morning--after cleaning up at the football field. A friend once told me that the best definition of a soccer game she'd heard was something to the effect of "we get very excited when something almost happens". I have to say I think I agree with her. I've never really been a big sports fan, personally--I can pretend for the sake of the Superbowl parties, but it's really just pretending. But it's my nephew's game, right? So, to be a good auntie, I'm trying to do all the good auntie things like going to games. It's hard to be enthusiastic at 8:30am, but last week I managed a little--in spite of the shivering. This week it was a bit easier, the game was at 9:30am & it was much warmer outside.
But I kept getting distracted by these monstrously large butterflies and dragonflies! They were huge, and flying maybe a yard above the kids' heads, like they were chasing them--seriously! They made it very difficult to concentrate on the game.
But My nephew's team (the orange one--no really, no names, they're only colors) won, 4-1. I think they're pretty good for their age, this is the second game of 2 they've won... so they're undefeated as yet. That means they're pretty good, right? ;)
Anyhoo, I think I should go--right after this last thought.
The new, well, renewed friend? He's great & I think I'm going to thoroughly enjoy getting to know him better. But it's interesting, he's a... hehehe, a "devout atheist" I think might apply. I'm kind of excited, it's been a while since I've been able to rub shoulders with anyone my own age who believes something that different than I do... that sounds not at all grammatical, but I think you can get the general meaning. Back to the trunk: could this be the answer to my plea to know why I'm still here? It's an interesting thought.... Lord-my-Love, what are You up to?
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
I'm the French Maid
That's right, my first venture into the local community theatre is going to be as a French maid--Marie. :) In a melodrama. Hehehe...
Bah, I don't feel like writing here today. Not at the moment anyhoo, maybe later.
Bah, I don't feel like writing here today. Not at the moment anyhoo, maybe later.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Oddities...
Random thought... I put "Gives you Hell" by All-American Rejects into Pandora, and ended up listening to "Firefly" by Owl City.
Not that I minded a lot, but I thought that was a bit strange...
Anyhoo. I find my thoughts a bit scattered at the moment, but pleasantly so. Everything is so very picturesque right now. I'm sitting on a bench under a tree next to the farmers' market while small-town folk meander through the street. There's a peace within that has been more constant than usual for the last few days, and I'm rather enjoying it. The battles waged daily for the purity of my mind have been successful for the past while, and overall things seem to just be going well.
It makes me slightly nervous, actually.
Life in general seems to have been going so well lately, is it because they really should be? Or is it more because I'm no threat to Satan, so he's leaving me alone? Am I becoming complacent? Have I lost something vital that should be happening?
It has been a long time since I prayed consistently.
I very recently finished "This Present Darkness", by Frank Perretti (sp?), and was again struck by the power the prayers of the saints have in the War of Souls. "The prayers of a righteous man availeth much".
What have mine been availing?
I'm afraid for the relationship my Father and I have. I fear it is not what it should be. Lately it's become more about doing, and far less about listening and asking. I talk about Him, but I rarely talk to Him.
It's irritating, really. How many times have I found myself here? Yet I still end up here. Wouldn't you think I would learn from this, sooner or later? I suppose I am still learning later rather than sooner.
Oh God, have mercy on me, a sinner! Teach me again and continually to crave You and Your presence more than anything and everything else. Make me content only in communion with You.
Interesting, how He works. Sometimes it is despair that drives me to my knees, crying out to Him for deliverance. Today it is the beauty, the peace that gently reminds me of Who has been with me and yearns (how strange!) for my attention.
I want to be someone the demons fear.
Paul, the apostle, was known by the demons, and they feared him. In the aforementioned book, Hank Busche was known to the high princes of the demons as "the praying man", and they wailed when he entered a room and prayed. I want that! I want to be a thorn in the side of the enemies of my God.
And the only way to accomplish that is to continually dwell in His presence, to be constantly filled with His Spirit. I am going to be possessed by someone or something, I am too weak and frail to hang on to my own soul--all humans are. I would rather be possessed by the Living God than by the prince of this world.
Well, I think that's enough random musings for today. Time to go write something! ;)
Not that I minded a lot, but I thought that was a bit strange...
Anyhoo. I find my thoughts a bit scattered at the moment, but pleasantly so. Everything is so very picturesque right now. I'm sitting on a bench under a tree next to the farmers' market while small-town folk meander through the street. There's a peace within that has been more constant than usual for the last few days, and I'm rather enjoying it. The battles waged daily for the purity of my mind have been successful for the past while, and overall things seem to just be going well.
It makes me slightly nervous, actually.
Life in general seems to have been going so well lately, is it because they really should be? Or is it more because I'm no threat to Satan, so he's leaving me alone? Am I becoming complacent? Have I lost something vital that should be happening?
It has been a long time since I prayed consistently.
I very recently finished "This Present Darkness", by Frank Perretti (sp?), and was again struck by the power the prayers of the saints have in the War of Souls. "The prayers of a righteous man availeth much".
What have mine been availing?
I'm afraid for the relationship my Father and I have. I fear it is not what it should be. Lately it's become more about doing, and far less about listening and asking. I talk about Him, but I rarely talk to Him.
It's irritating, really. How many times have I found myself here? Yet I still end up here. Wouldn't you think I would learn from this, sooner or later? I suppose I am still learning later rather than sooner.
Oh God, have mercy on me, a sinner! Teach me again and continually to crave You and Your presence more than anything and everything else. Make me content only in communion with You.
Interesting, how He works. Sometimes it is despair that drives me to my knees, crying out to Him for deliverance. Today it is the beauty, the peace that gently reminds me of Who has been with me and yearns (how strange!) for my attention.
I want to be someone the demons fear.
Paul, the apostle, was known by the demons, and they feared him. In the aforementioned book, Hank Busche was known to the high princes of the demons as "the praying man", and they wailed when he entered a room and prayed. I want that! I want to be a thorn in the side of the enemies of my God.
And the only way to accomplish that is to continually dwell in His presence, to be constantly filled with His Spirit. I am going to be possessed by someone or something, I am too weak and frail to hang on to my own soul--all humans are. I would rather be possessed by the Living God than by the prince of this world.
Well, I think that's enough random musings for today. Time to go write something! ;)
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Cabaret
No, the title really doesn't have anything to do with what I'm writing, but it's the musical I'm listening to at the moment... :) I found out that Pandora does genre stations, so I typed in "showtunes", and discovered a fount of happiness.
So, returning to last night and the update I was supposed to give after the auditions--but didn't because I forgot to take my laptop with me--I discovered something interesting.
I am an actor. I kind of had an inkling before that every time I was backstage in all black I was just masquerading as something else, but I really am an actor. Last night I was in a pole-barn that was not yet finished being renovated, with a bunch of people who haven't the faintest idea how to do either a French or a British accent (I think I heard Russian though... oddly enough), it was dusty, and there weren't many people there--but I was loving every minute of it. Did I mention the play is a melodrama? I think it's going to be fun... if I make it.
I really do hope I make it.
In other news, I met with my pastor today to talk about making some drama. I love how much he wants to bring theatre into the church, he's got a kind of catching enthusiasm about it. The topic of the next couple of months is going to be grace. Grace that heals, forgives, frees, and more. The sermon series began this last Sunday, and will continue through ... November... I think... :)
It's odd, really, the themes that I see in the Church of today. There seems to be a kind of quiet revolution in the thinking of the church that's happening lately. It makes me wonder, has this begun only lately, or is it just that I finally started paying attention? I'm rather inclined to believe the latter, but to hear older church leaders talk makes me wonder if it isn't actually the former.
But grace is what I was thinking of today... specifically stories of grace. It's such a mystery, this grace. It's a product of an unfailing and immeasurable love, and it tends to evoke a like love in return. It is not forced, but can only be offered and received by faith--a faith that does not understand, but trusts the Giver anyway. The angels themselves cannot comprehend it. If the Satan could, the great War of Souls would be finished and he would again enter Heaven's gates. It's strange, that these beings so superior to humanity in so many ways should be outside this mystery--understanding is reserved for God, the accepting and acting upon it is given only to the weak sons and daugters of Adam and Eve.
But what is it? As a church-kid the definition taught to me as a child was "a gift I don't deserve", but surely it's so much more than that. Grace says "I love you" before the receiver is even able to hear, let alone willing. It whispers in the darkness of despair "I am here". Grace says that I don't deserve it, but should accept it anyway.
God, You are truly amazing.
Am I making this more difficult than it should be? He makes the simple to confound the wise. Grace is blue skies and a gentle breeze. It is a warm fall rain that brings a breath of clean heavenly spring to a world falling asleep in its winter. It is a shoulder and a tissue where some would offer rebukes for foolishness. It is the music of the saints through the ages--a song that none else know how to sing. The stars sing of Glory, the angels of honor, but only the fallen race of Adam can sing of the fiercely beautiful Grace.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.
But Grace?
Grace. Grace is the cause of whatever hope we have. Grace is what gives us the knowledge of the unseen. It is not content with indifference, this grace. Unmatched in gentleness, it is yet fierce in its demands. It will not be ignored, it will not be brushed aside. Either accepted or rejected, it must have something done with it.
Crap.
How am I supposed to write a 5-minute sketch on that?
So, returning to last night and the update I was supposed to give after the auditions--but didn't because I forgot to take my laptop with me--I discovered something interesting.
I am an actor. I kind of had an inkling before that every time I was backstage in all black I was just masquerading as something else, but I really am an actor. Last night I was in a pole-barn that was not yet finished being renovated, with a bunch of people who haven't the faintest idea how to do either a French or a British accent (I think I heard Russian though... oddly enough), it was dusty, and there weren't many people there--but I was loving every minute of it. Did I mention the play is a melodrama? I think it's going to be fun... if I make it.
I really do hope I make it.
In other news, I met with my pastor today to talk about making some drama. I love how much he wants to bring theatre into the church, he's got a kind of catching enthusiasm about it. The topic of the next couple of months is going to be grace. Grace that heals, forgives, frees, and more. The sermon series began this last Sunday, and will continue through ... November... I think... :)
It's odd, really, the themes that I see in the Church of today. There seems to be a kind of quiet revolution in the thinking of the church that's happening lately. It makes me wonder, has this begun only lately, or is it just that I finally started paying attention? I'm rather inclined to believe the latter, but to hear older church leaders talk makes me wonder if it isn't actually the former.
But grace is what I was thinking of today... specifically stories of grace. It's such a mystery, this grace. It's a product of an unfailing and immeasurable love, and it tends to evoke a like love in return. It is not forced, but can only be offered and received by faith--a faith that does not understand, but trusts the Giver anyway. The angels themselves cannot comprehend it. If the Satan could, the great War of Souls would be finished and he would again enter Heaven's gates. It's strange, that these beings so superior to humanity in so many ways should be outside this mystery--understanding is reserved for God, the accepting and acting upon it is given only to the weak sons and daugters of Adam and Eve.
But what is it? As a church-kid the definition taught to me as a child was "a gift I don't deserve", but surely it's so much more than that. Grace says "I love you" before the receiver is even able to hear, let alone willing. It whispers in the darkness of despair "I am here". Grace says that I don't deserve it, but should accept it anyway.
God, You are truly amazing.
Am I making this more difficult than it should be? He makes the simple to confound the wise. Grace is blue skies and a gentle breeze. It is a warm fall rain that brings a breath of clean heavenly spring to a world falling asleep in its winter. It is a shoulder and a tissue where some would offer rebukes for foolishness. It is the music of the saints through the ages--a song that none else know how to sing. The stars sing of Glory, the angels of honor, but only the fallen race of Adam can sing of the fiercely beautiful Grace.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.
But Grace?
Grace. Grace is the cause of whatever hope we have. Grace is what gives us the knowledge of the unseen. It is not content with indifference, this grace. Unmatched in gentleness, it is yet fierce in its demands. It will not be ignored, it will not be brushed aside. Either accepted or rejected, it must have something done with it.
Crap.
How am I supposed to write a 5-minute sketch on that?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Stumbled on it, Hm? Bah.
So today's is going to be kind of short, because my battery is running out... :P
Remember how I said I was becoming Yankified? No worries, after last night & today I realize that I am thoroughly entrenched in my love of warm weather, and am very cold-blooded (not to be confused with cold-hearted, I hope). I like my jackets, but need them after a very small plummet in the temperature. And I'm going north for a time--why? Because I'm crazy... oh yeah.
In other news, auditions tonight! For the community theatre, and I have no idea what to wear. I know this seems small & petty, but I don't have to worry about prepping a monologue, and haven't had the opportunity to read the script, so what else am I going to worry about? I have no idea if people here dress professionally for auditions--but I have the sneaking suspicion that they don't, since I got laughed at for asking if they would want a monologue... & I dislike showing up overdressed for anything...
I think I'll compromise: nice jeans (aka, no holes in them), and a nice top. And shoes! Musn't forget the shoes! :D
Wow, that was a lot about clothes. I'm sorry, I can't help it, I'm an actor! I have to worry about my image, I'm selling myself! (And not like that, get your mind out of the gutter you dirty people...)
Maybe I'll be able to stop by and write more after auditions. I'll have to see how late they run. I won't know the results tonight, of course, there's a second round on Thursday. But it'll be interesting being in auditions again... I confess, I loved treading the boards before I knew anything else about theatre...
Kind of shallow, but this is where my mind is at the moment. Maybe I'll be deeper later, or tomorrow... In the meantime, make the most of what you've got, right?
Remember how I said I was becoming Yankified? No worries, after last night & today I realize that I am thoroughly entrenched in my love of warm weather, and am very cold-blooded (not to be confused with cold-hearted, I hope). I like my jackets, but need them after a very small plummet in the temperature. And I'm going north for a time--why? Because I'm crazy... oh yeah.
In other news, auditions tonight! For the community theatre, and I have no idea what to wear. I know this seems small & petty, but I don't have to worry about prepping a monologue, and haven't had the opportunity to read the script, so what else am I going to worry about? I have no idea if people here dress professionally for auditions--but I have the sneaking suspicion that they don't, since I got laughed at for asking if they would want a monologue... & I dislike showing up overdressed for anything...
I think I'll compromise: nice jeans (aka, no holes in them), and a nice top. And shoes! Musn't forget the shoes! :D
Wow, that was a lot about clothes. I'm sorry, I can't help it, I'm an actor! I have to worry about my image, I'm selling myself! (And not like that, get your mind out of the gutter you dirty people...)
Maybe I'll be able to stop by and write more after auditions. I'll have to see how late they run. I won't know the results tonight, of course, there's a second round on Thursday. But it'll be interesting being in auditions again... I confess, I loved treading the boards before I knew anything else about theatre...
Kind of shallow, but this is where my mind is at the moment. Maybe I'll be deeper later, or tomorrow... In the meantime, make the most of what you've got, right?
Friday, September 3, 2010
In the Parking Lot
I think I'm becoming Yankified. This breath of cooler weather is invigorating!!
I'm currently sitting in the parking lot of the library in town (for the wifi :), in the back of my car with the hatchback up. It's a relatively windy day, which makes the weather even lovelier!
I can hardly believe it's September. I'm entering my first school year minus the school--and I still have no idea as to what God wants in my life. Well, okay I'll correct that: I have no idea as to what the next step is going to be. I know what He wants, I just don't know what shape that will take in this next phase of my life.
T. A. Barron talks a lot about in-between places. Mist is in-between air & water, Avalon is between the afterlife and earth, humans are more than animal but less than god. I feel like I'm in one of those in-between phases right now, but I never realized how truly, astonishingly irritating they are. D'you know what I mean? Avalon is a mysteriously beautiful place. Mist is eerie & lovely. Humans are perplexing and fascinating. But really, I feel nothing so much as impatience for this time of life to be done with already!
I suppose it's all in the perspective I take on it. Today everything has a brighter look to it than anything has in a while. (I think it's because it rained yesterday, but I'm not entirely sure.) But I know some things... nevermind, I completely lost that train of thought. Derailment by gust of wind, sorry! :)
Anyway, today the sky is blue and life seems good. All I really have is today, it is as close to eternity as I can get at present, so I mean to enjoy it.
"The Screwtape Letters" is a very enlightening book, by the way. It's written by one of my absolute favorite authors, C. S. Lewis, and it contains a good deal that has ... sort of shaken me awake to the whiles of Satan. It's crazy how cunning he can be.
(I know that last bit seemed tangential, but if you read the book I think you'll understand the connection, it's there! Honest!)
It's kind of funny, I want to keep writing, but I really can't think of anything more to say. Oh! I remember what else I wanted to write about!
There are 3 roadtrips coming up in my close future. I'll write about them...
The first is coming up pretty quickly (that reminds me, I need to call the people I'm staying with...). I'll be traveling back to Mishawaka, IN (back, because I went to school there) for the wedding of two of my friends, Josh & Lisa. But I'm also very much looking forward to seeing friends again. I don't really have many compatriots my own age here in Monticello, but that's bordering on self-pity, and I hate self-pity. It's so irritating, don't you think?
The second is actually happening the very day after I get back from Indiana. my parents and I will be driving up to see family in Minnesota, land of the Vikings. A family get-together is the reason, but Dad and I will also be scoping the place out for possible employment. Minneapolis is a pretty big theatre town (second only to New York, NY), so I'm hopeful--and Dad might get a job there too, that could be fun!
The third is happening the second weekend of October, and it's the one I'm probably least excited about. A 16-hour drive is no big deal, we're going to New Braunfels, TX for my step-granddad's birthday. But... I haven't seen the family & friends there for years--literally.There's one particular friend that I'm not even sure if I'll see... but I hope I will. We parted badly the last time we met, & I'm hoping I'll get the chance to make amends. It's not likely, but who knows? With God, all things are possible.
Anyhoo, I really must get back to doing something constructive.
Fairfarren!
I'm currently sitting in the parking lot of the library in town (for the wifi :), in the back of my car with the hatchback up. It's a relatively windy day, which makes the weather even lovelier!
I can hardly believe it's September. I'm entering my first school year minus the school--and I still have no idea as to what God wants in my life. Well, okay I'll correct that: I have no idea as to what the next step is going to be. I know what He wants, I just don't know what shape that will take in this next phase of my life.
T. A. Barron talks a lot about in-between places. Mist is in-between air & water, Avalon is between the afterlife and earth, humans are more than animal but less than god. I feel like I'm in one of those in-between phases right now, but I never realized how truly, astonishingly irritating they are. D'you know what I mean? Avalon is a mysteriously beautiful place. Mist is eerie & lovely. Humans are perplexing and fascinating. But really, I feel nothing so much as impatience for this time of life to be done with already!
I suppose it's all in the perspective I take on it. Today everything has a brighter look to it than anything has in a while. (I think it's because it rained yesterday, but I'm not entirely sure.) But I know some things... nevermind, I completely lost that train of thought. Derailment by gust of wind, sorry! :)
Anyway, today the sky is blue and life seems good. All I really have is today, it is as close to eternity as I can get at present, so I mean to enjoy it.
"The Screwtape Letters" is a very enlightening book, by the way. It's written by one of my absolute favorite authors, C. S. Lewis, and it contains a good deal that has ... sort of shaken me awake to the whiles of Satan. It's crazy how cunning he can be.
(I know that last bit seemed tangential, but if you read the book I think you'll understand the connection, it's there! Honest!)
It's kind of funny, I want to keep writing, but I really can't think of anything more to say. Oh! I remember what else I wanted to write about!
There are 3 roadtrips coming up in my close future. I'll write about them...
The first is coming up pretty quickly (that reminds me, I need to call the people I'm staying with...). I'll be traveling back to Mishawaka, IN (back, because I went to school there) for the wedding of two of my friends, Josh & Lisa. But I'm also very much looking forward to seeing friends again. I don't really have many compatriots my own age here in Monticello, but that's bordering on self-pity, and I hate self-pity. It's so irritating, don't you think?
The second is actually happening the very day after I get back from Indiana. my parents and I will be driving up to see family in Minnesota, land of the Vikings. A family get-together is the reason, but Dad and I will also be scoping the place out for possible employment. Minneapolis is a pretty big theatre town (second only to New York, NY), so I'm hopeful--and Dad might get a job there too, that could be fun!
The third is happening the second weekend of October, and it's the one I'm probably least excited about. A 16-hour drive is no big deal, we're going to New Braunfels, TX for my step-granddad's birthday. But... I haven't seen the family & friends there for years--literally.There's one particular friend that I'm not even sure if I'll see... but I hope I will. We parted badly the last time we met, & I'm hoping I'll get the chance to make amends. It's not likely, but who knows? With God, all things are possible.
Anyhoo, I really must get back to doing something constructive.
Fairfarren!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Begining Anew
Wow, it's been awhile.
I started this blog out of boredom, I confess. Yes, I was one of those useless people who thought "I should blog about my life". Then I realized that life cannot actually be shared unless I am willing to be open about it. I can't share anything worthwhile unless I'm willing to bare my soul.
I read a book recently called "Flashbang". In it the author talks about how most Christians are just flashbangs: all bright lights, loud noises, and scariness--but leaving no impact. In order to really leave evidence of our presence behind we have to be willing to do more than share personal anecdotes, I have to be willing to be vulnerable when called upon.
Am I going to do that here? Absolutely not. Well, okay, maybe to an extent. But let's be honest: I don't have time to sit here typing every little thing that happens, and such vulnerability as that would be exhausting! No one would read that!
Not that anyone reads this anyway... but that's my own doing. Perhaps I'll tell people about this blog... but not today. Today is simply saying hello to a long-abandoned facet of creativity. Today I just write for the sake of writing, because I am a writer.
So, on that note, I say hello again! And now I have to leave, so...
Goodbye, for now.
I started this blog out of boredom, I confess. Yes, I was one of those useless people who thought "I should blog about my life". Then I realized that life cannot actually be shared unless I am willing to be open about it. I can't share anything worthwhile unless I'm willing to bare my soul.
I read a book recently called "Flashbang". In it the author talks about how most Christians are just flashbangs: all bright lights, loud noises, and scariness--but leaving no impact. In order to really leave evidence of our presence behind we have to be willing to do more than share personal anecdotes, I have to be willing to be vulnerable when called upon.
Am I going to do that here? Absolutely not. Well, okay, maybe to an extent. But let's be honest: I don't have time to sit here typing every little thing that happens, and such vulnerability as that would be exhausting! No one would read that!
Not that anyone reads this anyway... but that's my own doing. Perhaps I'll tell people about this blog... but not today. Today is simply saying hello to a long-abandoned facet of creativity. Today I just write for the sake of writing, because I am a writer.
So, on that note, I say hello again! And now I have to leave, so...
Goodbye, for now.
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