"No Broken Bones. Slight Loss of Dignity. No Change There Then."

--Doctor Who, who'd you think it would be? :)

Look! I'm Back! I haven't fallen off the edge of the planet or lost my password to this blog or anything else... though it felt like that at times, to be sure... :) So much has happened since last time I posted, I'm not sure I can fit it all into one post--but we'll give it a go. Besides, if I can't, that just means I have more material for more posts, yeah? :)

Let's see, the last post was June 15th, & I was waiting to hear back about the cast-list for Macbeth... well that actually turned out to be a funny story, let me tell you about it... duh I'm going to tell you about it. That would be kind of mean, wouldn't it. "This is a blog where I ramble about life. This thing happened to me and it was hysterical, but I'm not telling that story, let me recount this hugely boring waste of time to you instead."... sounds like something I would do, actually. But don't worry! I won't this time, promise! :)

I didn't make it into Macbeth, but I have to say, the phone call from Peter (the director) was probably the kindest rejection I've ever had--and I've had a few. I did, however, go to the acting classes that Peter & James invited me to--they lasted for 6 weeks and met every Saturday, Sunday, and Monday for the duration of those weeks. More on those later.

I'll freely admit, I managed to hold it together pretty well while I was on the phone getting the news, but as soon as I hung up ("hung up" the phone, it sounds like so much more than the tap of the screen that was actually involved) I retreated to my room and had a quiet little cry. But I still felt drawn to the show--it was a gut feeling that I've only felt a few times in life, and I've learned it usually means God is trying to tell me something so I should shut up and listen. Thankfully, this time I did. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Well, I guess that one just wasn't Your will for me. I'll just hafta go audition some more for other shows. I really wanted to be involved with that company though--and Shakespeare! I would love to do that show.
God: Yeah, I want you in that show too. So get to it already.
Me: But they didn't cast me. *sneaking suspicion that something nasty is around the corner*
God: So?
Me: SO how am I s'posed to be involved in the show when they don't want me? *Suspicion grows*
God: They don't want you to ACT. You've been involved in plenty of shows that you didn't act in.
Me: But, but, but... I don't want to!!! I don't LIKE stage managing, and that's the only other thing they need for this show! Boy do they ever need it, too... I mean, no! I don't want to!
God: If you can get involved in some other way, go for it. But I want you in that production.
Me: Can't I just go audition for other people? I came up here to ACT for cryin' out sideways!
God: You can, but I want you here.
Me: *grumble grumble* FINE! I'll go to class on Saturday and take my tech resume with me. They've probably already found an SM anyway and won't need me for that either. If You want me in that production, You'll have to take it from there!
God: Oh don't worry, I will. *smirk*

And He did. Saturday after class I asked Peter if he'd found a stage manager yet as I pulled out my resume, and I don't think I even had the sentence completely out of my mouth before he pounced. "You want to be my stage manager?!" And there it was.

Turns out the company didn't have a light designer for the show either, so guess what else I did for the show? :)

Just so you can fully appreciate the irony of this situation: I took classes in as much theatre stuff as I could possibly cram into my schedule over the 4 years I went to college. Lighting Design and Stage Management were two that I did NOT take--the former I remedied by shadowing our light designer, and the latter I neglected to take on purpose because I wanted nothing to do with it. When I spoke with a mentor about portfolio building, we discussed the jobs I would qualify for upon entering the "real world" of theatre. "You probably won't get hired for Stage Managing or Lighting Design, just because that's not where your expertise is" he told me.

Yeah... 'bout that... Are you laughing yet? Jesus still is, I'm pretty sure. :P

Alrighty, I'm taking a break here, but I'll be back later tonight, no worries. Tata!

To Get What You've Never Had, You Must Do What You've Never Done

GAH!!!

I hate waiting for emails... especially ones that mean I may or may not be in a show and maybe have some semblance of a foggy plan for some small number of months...

Okay, I'll be honest: I couldn't really care less about having a plan, I just really really want to be this show...

Fiddlesticks.

Every time I've received an email today I've (apparently) made a very disappointed noise, because Aunt Tammy told me that I had to quit making those noises every time I get an email. My phone keeps getting me very excited, it makes a delightfully happy sound whenever an email comes in, but I've got it linked to two accounts: business & personal. So far I've gotten loads of emails from two different churches, but

NONE ABOUT THAT SHOW!

I feel a little strongly about this... as you might have guessed...

Kay, i'm gonna go pace the floors a little more...

Make sure to feed your shadows!

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

AAAh! So much has happened! How do I write about it all?!?

Yeah, fine, I hear you smart-alecks. "One word at a time!" Or maybe "what, you're actually writing about it now? That's new..."

:P

Let's see, I'll start with a quick run-down... in the time since I wrote last:
I packed all my earthly possessions into move-ready containers (again).
I hit a deer with my car, simultaneously having my first real accident, earning my parents' trust in my fantastic driving instincts, and wrecking my car, leaving both myself & my mum carless.
I moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota to live with my Aunt Tammy & take care of her two girls while trying to break onto the theatre scene in that city.
I've been to audition for three shows, "Woyzceck", "Trojan Women", & "Macbeth".
I started going to an acting class working on getting in touch with my instincts by selecting an animal and acting it for a few weeks.
I got called back for "Macbeth" (that was last night).
I locked myself out of Tammy's house, and Cassy (my cousin) & I went on a 2 hour roadtrip to the campsite Tammy & the girls were spending the weekend at in order to retrieve the house-key.
The girls and I went on a picnic, I taught them how to play 21/woodchips, and we covered the driveway in chalk dragons.

I think that's all for now. The cast list for Macbeth will be posted on Wednesday!

Eat your artichokes!

"Stop Talking Brain Thinking Hush!"

~The Doctor

Most of my favorite quotes seem to come from the Doctor, come to think of it...

Writer's block is a terrible evil little troll who lives under every key on my computer and waits to leap out and bite off my fingers. But I have a solution! I read that to combat this dread creature I must dye a character's hair hot pink and sit back to see what happens...

...Pity that doesn't seem likely to help with a blog. :P What do I do now?

I should come up with a solution to blogger's block. Teeheehee, I think I have it! Toss in a Platypus and write about the day with one! hmmm... this could work... I think I'll give it a go!

So this morning I fully intended to wake at a reasonable hour and go to the gym, and be constructive all day long. Unfortunately, my platypus was simply far too cuddly and insisted that I stay in bed to keep it warm, as the blankets alone would never do. Being the naturally obliging person that I am (I almost managed to type that with a straight face, could you read it as such?), I obliged! Until a far later hour than I had hoped.

You see, I have a dreadful malady known as morning-spine-of-a-jellyfish. Does anyone know if there's a pill I can take for that? If you do, please let me know!

But I digress (I like that word, "digress", it makes me smile!), back to the platypi!

I finally managed to pry myself away from the cuddly platypus long enough to get ready for the day, then commenced to scrubbing down the bathroom. This is normally a fairly straight-forward job, but today was a bit more hazardous than usual. Today the shower needed a dousing, which meant using some special--and very heady--chemicals! Now I'm not normally one for using controlled substances, but this shower-scrubby-bubbles-stuff was ... whoo! I had to keep running out into the living room just make sure I still knew how many noses I had--which meant cleaning took a smidge longer than usual--but that's okay, the bathroom is nice & shiny now. :) Though the poor dog was rather confused, she couldn't quite make out why I kept running back & forth from the porch to the bathroom. Such irregular behaviour usually means a bath for her, so she was a bit edgy all morning. :)

Progressing, my youngest nephew came over and we spent some time waiting for his Grandma to get off the phone. We passed the time just like anyone else would: pretending we were superheroes, and showing off our moves! For some reason though, the kid couldn't decide on which hero he wanted to be. One moment he was sucking all my powers from me (I never did get out of him what those were exactly), then he was trapping me in a web while stoutly defending his title of Batman, next thing I know I'm being shadow-flamed by a dragon named Cynder! It was all very confusing. Then he calmed down and decided he was a kitty & I needed to buy him & bring him home... nevermind that I'm allergic to kitties & just want a nice goldfish, I must buy him & he's a kitty!

Then Mum called a halt to our antics by announcing her intent to vacuum & kicking me out for the afternoon. Aaaand here we are! :)

Well that was fun. :)

Alas though, my hour is almost up & I must needs run back home soon.

Cuddle your platypi everyday!

Wednesday

It is sometimes not the best thing in the world to wait until Wednesday night to write, because sometimes nighttime rolls around & I am too tired to string very many sentences together at once.

But I said I would post.

So, this is me, posting a lame post.

The point of this post is to post something pointing to the post that should appear posted at some point tomorrow morning.

Thursday morning I will string more sentences together.

But not tonight. Tonight I'm going to say goodnight, and go to bed.

Good night.

"Always Bring a Banana to a Party"

~The Doctor

Yikes it's been a while...

I thought about changing the title of this post to something not-a-flair-quote, but actually descriptive of what the content of this post was going to be--then I thought "why?" Honestly, if I were to name this something like, I don't know, "April Showers" or "Hermiting & the Life of an Introvert", I might manage to stay on topic. But what would be far more likely to happen would be staying on topic--if I'm clever & very very lucky--for roughly 14 words. Then I would follow some rabbit down a deep dark hole, drink a little eat-me-cake, and the rest would spin out of control from there.

Besides, I like this quote, so I'm keeping it.

I do have a couple of thing in mind to write about though. Chiefest among them is possibly a catching-up on what's been going on & why haven't I written on here in so very long?! Or, something like that...

I promised myself this wouldn't be just another passing fad.
I promised myself I would write regularly with this blog.
I promised myself not another night/week/month would go by without a new post.
I promised myself would call.
I promised myself I would write.
I promised myself I would visit.
I promised myself I wouldn't slip into the old habits again.
I promised myself I would clean.
I promised myself a lot of things...

Why don't I keep all these promises I make to myself?

I consider my word to be a binding thing--if I tell someone I will or won't do something, I follow through. I will bend over backwards to keep my word--which is why I'm very cautious about giving it. Except, I never feel obligated to keep such promises when made to myself. Why?

I was once asked by a very dear friend "Why do you undervalue your own opinion so much?" In the moment I didn't realize I was doing it, I thought I was just being honest about it's worth, but looking back I realized she was right. I was devaluing my own pain. Could it be something similar that happens when I don't keep these promises to myself? I'm not important, why bother. Anyone else is important enough to keep a promise to, but not myself.

"Love thy neighbour as thyself" the commandment says... Can I honestly value others if I deny my own value in the sight of my King?

While in undergrad I learned a tough (for me) but valuable lesson: I can't take care of anyone else well if I don't look after myself.

Well then. I feel kind of stupid when this happens, but I appear to have forgotten something essential yet again.

How's this: I promise you, and myself, that I will write on this blog every Wednesday. Let's see if I can't keep one to myself, & I'll move on from there.

Now, on a completely unrelated (maybe?) topic: This year was the first I remember every observing the season of Lent, and it was very educational. Ash Wednesday I also observed (it fell on my birthday, ironically enough), and that was beautiful, but I think Lent I learned the most from this year.

I fasted from fictional books. Mind you, I love books. My own personal heaven is a cozy chair, a fluffy blanket, a bowl of dark chocolate peanut m&m's, and a room full of my favorite novels accompanied by a schedule completely free of obligations. So seriously, over a month without!? Yeah... let's do it... I love Jesus lots...

I thought I would spend more time writing, praying, and reading books like "The Case for Christ", "Classics of Philosophy", and... oh gee, maybe THE BIBLE... As it turned out, I just played a lot more video games.

It was a nice idea, and very well-intentioned at least.

Easter came (why do we call it "Easter" anyway? What does that have to do with Resurrection Sunday?? Please tell me if you know!), and I thought "well bummer, that was a failure of a Lent fast!" But I'm reconsidering...

To the well-organized mind, is anything ever really a failure? No, I didn't accomplish what I wanted to, but that needn't mean I go without learning from the experience. Introspection & evaluation of the whole Lent idea & my own experience can show a lot about God & myself, and our relationship...

For instance: If I want to coax my brain into writing, passively taking away forms of entertainment simply isn't going to cut it. I am very much a lazy person sometimes; if one form of entertainment is taken away my natural inclination is--far from going & being productive--to go & find something else to play. I will even, on occasion, resort to staring into space instead of doing something productive! Much as it may disgust me to admit, nothing can be done to fix it if I refuse to acknowledge the problem exists. :P

Also, a random thought I thought when Lent first started: I began counting down the days till Easter (life soon became too crazed & insane to keep that up, but I did it once) and I wondered... Do you think Christ counted down the days while He was in the desert & fasted? Did He look forward to the fulfillment of His wandering with anticipation? Or did He just give over all future events to His Father and focus on living completely and totally in each moment He lived as it came to Him?

I wonder, how to balance the joy of living in the present with the need to prepare for the future--even knowing the future we prepare for may never actually reach us...

Well, I hafta run. There's been a new Doctor Who episode out since Saturday and I haven't seen it yet!! Probably because I've had my nose buried in a book since Sunday... hehehe...

By the by, watch out for those dandelions. My nephew's informed me that they're taking over the world... just thought ya might need to know. No need to worry about the Zombie Apocalypse, the dandelions will be taking over first. :)

"Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?"

~Firefly

So I've noticed something about writing... Y'know how some writers get their greatest inspiration, they create their finest works in moments of greatest depression, self-doubt, and darkness.

I'm not one of them.

It's odd, but I'm not sure if I get down because I don't persist in writing enough (writing certainly can turn a down day into a, up one)--or maybe when I'm down I just don't write.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? :)

As you can see though, I'm writing today. Today's been pretty decent. It's not raining, but it probably will this week! Yay! (Yes, I'm one of those weirdos, don't hate me)

But it's still an interesting question. To put it differently (& in a simpler fashion):
Do I write because I'm happy?
Or does writing make me happy?

Not that I haven't written when I'm down, but ... that was usually poetry, and I don't count that. I don't know how most poets write, but for myself I can honestly say that the poetry muse only moves in me occasionally--and that's the only time any poetry I write is worthwhile. She also moves very unpredictably in me... but that's another post.

Also on writing, I finished another journal today. It was red with a shiny gold pattern, and it was hardback. The pages were beautiful, a light red (oh alright, pink) with a more solid toned pattern on the edge where the lines for writing stopped. Her name was CoraSueño, Heart's Dream (I know, that's not the literal Spanish translation, it's a name I made up so I don't care! :P).

R.I.P. CoraSueño, may your last page be filled with beautiful dreams.