It's important to remember

I haven't really written a lot lately.

There's a lot that I haven't done lately.

I haven't written.
I haven't ...

Well that got depressing real fast. I may like lists, but I think I'll stay away from that one for now.
Funny, how playing "I have never" is so much fun around friends. But by myself it's just kind of pathetic. Like a deflated balloon caught in a tree.

ANYway...

It's important to remember why I write, and I have forgotten for a while. But that post I mentioned jolted something back into place in my mind, and I think it's coming back.

The passion.
The fury.
The drive.
The joy...

Because that's why I write. All those trite little cliches that writers try not to use, they're kind of true.

Writing is my Anti-Drug... well, my Anti-Depressant would be more accurate, I guess, since I've never done illegal drugs...

I write because it's how I worship.
Writing is how I pray.
Writing is how I think thoughts that make sense,
And how I keep the darkness at bay.
Writing brings order to a chaotic spirit,
And it brings reason to the illogical nonsense that tries to pull me under.

Writing is how I show love.
It's how I unveil my heart.
Writing makes me vulnerable, and in my vulnerability I see how strong I am.
Writing is how I commune with the great thinkers of this time, times past, and times to come.

Writing keeps me sane,
Well, it at least leads me dancing to the kind of crazy that creates instead of destroying.

Writing is like breathing.
Those times when it is most difficult to accomplish are when it is the most important.
Like my heartbeat,
It keeps things flowing so smoothly that I don't even notice it until it becomes irregular.

How I've missed this!
This joining together of words,
This flow of one thought to the next--
The Symbols and the Power.

With this writing I do...
What?
Anything.
Everything?

What glorious potential!
I am halved when I miss out on this part of my very self.
Not writing is worse than neglecting a hobby or a gift,
It is self-mutilation.
Strong words, I know.
But maybe that's why I can't seem to leave my poor thumb alone.
Maybe that's why my prayers have been so difficult to speak.

Not writing, it's depriving myself of the very tool I need.
It's like trying to paint a portrait with my forehead, instead of the set of artist's brushes I could use.
It's a self-lobotomy, depriving myself of this medium, this vehicle for thought.

All those times in my past that I've felt alone in the dark--
They were times I wasn't writing.
Is it a symptom, or a cause?
Does it matter? Of course, but perhaps not as much as I think.
If gritting my teeth and smiling can make me feel happy,
Perhaps pushing through the blank page and writing can make me feel creative.
What are feelings for, after all.

I'm feeling more productive already.
Writing is more than how I think,
It's how I process my feelings.
Without writing, I allow myself to become a slave to my emotions.
Writing is how I and my emotions become reconciled, and we work together to create joy.

Isn't that what writing should be?
Creation.
Delight.
Joy.