Changes

Greetings!

 I am once again sitting in a coffee-shop that offers free wifi that my laptop will recognize... and my brain is tired of job-hunting... So I bethought myself to post a blog posting... and here we are.

I believe an update is in order, but I've never liked writing things like updates, so I will try to tell my tale in brief... like that ever happens... ;)

My last writing was sometime shortly after moving into my new apartment in the heart of Minneapolis. It was cozy, delightful, wonderful, and I very much enjoyed my time there. The summer was sweltering, the people were interesting, the area was happening, and I had a clawfoot bathtub and a closet that led to Narnia. I enjoyed 6 months in my abode and made it my home.

It was wonderful.

However, winter was coming, parking was only going to get harder to come by, and and uneasy restlessness was growing. Add to that my long-distance relationship with the then-boyfriend and the huge distance from family & friends, the dayjob situation growing less & less profitable, the harassment of mice & bedbugs, my last show on the docket was drawing to a close, and God seemed to be saying something.

Then my car got towed. Again.

The 30 minute walk to the impound lot to pay over $150 to ransom my vehicle back from a man that smirked at my dilemma led to a bit of an epiphany. I had to wonder: what was I doing? Is this really where God wanted me? I had already had several people tell me perhaps it was time to move...

I made the sudden decision to do so, posthaste, before God decided to reach for the proverbial 2x4. The date was October 30th, if I recall rightly. Within 2 days I had all the resources needed, plans were made, and a place for me to move into was at the ready. All I had left to do was close The Hobbit (my last, and best show in Minneapolis), quit my job, go on a roadtrip to meet the Boyfriend's family for Thanksgiving, drive back to Minneapolis, load the moving truck, and drive to Illinois.

I submitted my resignation at work and all were very gracious about it. There are many people there that I will miss.

Then I made the drive to Illinois to meet Boyfriend for the drive to Louisiana. We had a few days together before we made the trek, so we enjoyed the unexpected weekend together... And the Sunday before Thanksgiving, Boyfriend popped The Question while waving shiny in front of my face. I said Yes, and he is now Fiancee. :) We're very happy, & I'll write more about that in a later post I promise! (Like I could avoid talking about it anyway... :P)

So we went to Louisiana to see family with his ring on my finger--we had a delightful time, I love them, they love me, and heartily approved of the match. ;) On our way back up we took a detour into Tennessee to visit some college friends of mine that I hadn't seen in far too long, then continued back through Metropolis & made our way back to Illinois.

I remained for a day or two, then Mum & I drove back to Minneapolis, packed all my belongings into boxes, loaded the truck, and said goodbye to the friends I had made during my 1.5 years there, and drove back.

So yeah. Now I reside in Central Illinois once more, and am busily job-hunting & wedding planning. ... That's the update for now. Thank you all for reading! :) Talk to ya more soon!

Don't get mauled by bears!

Let's try this again...

Aha! I discovered an amazing and awesome discovery!! Welcome to witnessing history, folks! This is the first time I have ever written a blog post on my phone. Having a laptop with an outdated wireless card is so very irritating. :P So yeah, updating on life, let's see how much I can stand to type like this before my patience wears out, shall we? Apparently not much, my phone is already getting angsty. :( if I'm absent for a while, know I will make it up in pre-written posts which will find their way online somehow... So for now, have fun, and poke a platypus!

My laptop is too old to connect to the interwebs, & my smart phone is being stupid. I'll post an update about it all tomorrow. :P

"Less Haste More Speed..."

The above is a quote from one of Brian Jacques books, may the man never be forgotten.

Hello Again! I missed this over the weekend, but I did write down several stories for you... I have less than an hour to write them all in, think I can do it? I'll try...

I know I know I know... "Do or do not, there is no try!" Fine, will do.

First off, can I just say how excited I am to be going to a rehearsal tonight! And as an ACTOR!!! Yes, I'm pumped, if you happen by the Minneapolis Fringe Festival next month you need to come see "Behind the Big Top", because it's going to be a blast!

M'kay, now for the stories!

Saturday was fun, I pulled an 11 hour shift at Planet Pillow (code name for the place I work, courtesy of one Irish Poet...), and the number of people I talked to/at that day does not bear repeating... but I wrote down one particular caller that day that made an impact...

The lady I spoke to had a very dry sense of humour. I'm not just talking about "I'm thirsty" dry, I'm talking "Sahara desert hasn't had rain in 6 months" dry. She also spoke extremely slowly, and every time I asked her a question she would take a good 10 second pause before answering (I know 10 seconds doesn't sound like a lot, but time it out next time you're having a conversation with someone & just feel the silence between responses, it's forever!). Between the way she talked and the "jokes" she told, I was half-convinced she was a prank caller and I almost hung up on her!

Yes, she told "jokes". One of her first ones was "I'm buying this as a gift for my husband I just married 2 days ago. It's our 46th anniversary on Monday." Granted, given proper delivery, this could've been funny, but the way she said it just left me confused... She followed a lengthy pause after this joke with "that was a joke." ... I feebly laughed, then moved on. A few of her other jokes included "Is this pillow approved for smothering?" "Well, my husband is supposed to take me out for dinner next week, I should keep him around at least that long", and "He snores so loud I want to put the pillow on his face--I could say he was sleeping face-down"... I wondered if I should call back & try to warn the husband...

Moral of the story: If you have to tell the person you're conversing with that you made a joke more than 3 times, perhaps you should stop making them...

There's a guy at work, we'll call him Mike. Mike is known as something of a talker--and by that I mean he never seems to stop talking. But it's not even like he's necessarily trying to learn about other people or network or even carry on a conversation. Mike just seems to enjoy the sound of his own voice. Have you ever met a person like that? No matter what you say in the conversation, he just carries on with whatever story he was telling prior to your interjection. And if you were previously enjoying a two-way chat with someone else? He doesn't mind, he'll just jump in with whatever story pops into his head and take off, derailing all talk and hijacking the discussion to take it wherever he wills.

Mind you, this can be rather entertaining sometimes. I like making a game out of it... wicked, I know, but Sunday I had a 10 hour shift & Mike showed up for the last 2 hours... Sunday was slow, I had to entertain myself somehow... ;)

Speaking of entertaining, there's a gal at work, let's see... I'll call her Erin. She's a cool person & has made going in to work a lot more fun, especially on slow days. We dubbed the area around our cubicles "the Valley of Whispers" and every time a supervisor/manager walked through we would whisper-yell their name at them until they made it through our area... Several started taking the long way around just to avoid us... Again, it was Sunday, the call volume was down, and we had to entertain ourselves somehow... ;)

Ah! Running out of time! I may have to write more of these tomorrow. :( Ah well, I shan't lack for material on the morrow.

In the meantime, don't make sad jokes, and listen when you have a conversation with others. Also: is the comment button still working? I dunno, but if you want to check it out for me, I'd be obliged. ;) Laters!

Regrets

Holy cow, I actually intend to write about the title of this post too... This is getting serious now, folks, better watch out... ;)

But not yet, first: and apology in advance.

I have been so gratified to find that views are up on this blog! Woot! People actually want to read this, what?! Crazy-talk. But for you who have been reading please don't get too discouraged in the coming two days when I shan't be able to post. I'm pulling extra shifts at the pillow place and will not be making it home 'till after the wifi is fled. Just a head's-up, but no fear! Regular writing will resume on Monday. :) Thank you tons for your readerness!

Now, where were we?

Italian sodas are a lot less exciting sans chocolate chip cookies. Yes, that's right, I just used "sans" in a sentence... correctly... boom.

Why do you read this again? Not that I'm not gratified, but wow... :S

I was struck today by how woefully behind I am in keeping up on the lives of my friends. My list of people to call is reaching ridiculous proportions, and only getting longer... I wish I knew how to play this game better... (not the one you just lost, that other one...) Friends of mine are getting married, having babies, directing shows, finding significant others, pursuing degrees, and... well... living life. But I can't be there with them at the moment, I'm up here in Minnesota--and while I love it up here, I can't help but wish I were closer to these friends of mine so I could be living life with them.

But such a wish is futile--when my friends are so very scattered. How do I live closer to the friend in California without removing myself from the friends in Detroit and Chicago? How do I get closer to them without leaving behind the friends in Minneapolis? There's no way around it, I just need to get better at this whole long-distance thing... and I need to figure out a way to better afford more roadtrips...

When I was a kid I used to wish that I could buy an apartment building somewhere, move in, and move all of my friends and family in with me. Then everyone I knew would know & love everyone else I knew and we would all live within an elevator's ride of each other. Yes, I know it's impractical--I knew that at the age of 6 when I concocted the scheme--but it still sounds delightful. Aren't the most cherished dreams often the least achievable?

Regrets. I have often had cause to regret not calling someone, or emailing them, or sending a letter or a text or a message. But I have never had cause to regret reaching out to someone. Even if I was hurt by the person I reached out to, the pain was of the lesser kind that I recognize will fade over time & be overshadowed by the good memories.

The pain of being hurt by someone I reached out to is far, far more bearable than the pain of hurting someone I love through neglect. Yes, I've done both, I've been on both ends, and I know which I prefer.

There is in our culture today an idea that time is precious. I would agree with that, there is a limited supply and it's a non-renewable resource. But I notice a disturbing trend resulting from this idea. The thought that my time is precious and I should only spend it on things & people that are worth that time. I should not "waste" time by spending it on people who do not recognize the worth of my time.

I have a couple of problems with this idea. One: as a Christian, "my" time does not exist. I have given everything I am & have over to God and am merely a steward of what He has chosen to entrust to me. In that respect, I don't actually have any time. It all belongs to Someone Else.

In that respect though, I am instructed to be a good steward of all the resources given to me. I have been given much, so much is expected and I have a reputation that is not my own that I need to maintain. In this fashion, I should guard my time and use it wisely.

But what does that look like? I have said it before & will say it again: My lasting regrets in this life have never come from spending time with someone--regardless of whether they recognized its worth. I might regret it for a time, but such an act is not something I look back on years later and still sigh over.

No, my lasting regrets come from not spending time with people.

Granted, this means there's a line to walk. There are so many people in this world, how can we ever spend time with all of them?! And even if we only spread ourselves thin between our loved ones, there may still be a good many of them--how to accomplish this?

Heck if I know. I never said I knew what to do about this!

What do you think this is, an advice column?? Jeesh...

Sorry, brief digression, just in case you forgot where you were... ;)

Regrets are strange. I'm sure you've heard it said "live with no regrets!" but how is that possible? I know it is, I've seen it happen. My great-grandmother said she had no regrets about her life.

But have I already screwed up my chance to live that way because I've already done things I do regret?

Or is it something else. Is living with no regrets more of an attitude toward failure? Is it instead regarding each act that could be regretted as an opportunity for growth instead? Instead of wallowing in guilt, if I could look my failures square in the face, acknowledge them for what they are, embrace them as a teacher and friend, then move on with my life--could that take the regret out of such actions? I like to think so.

When stage managing, there's a mantra (there's lots of them, but that's beside the point) I find myself particularly fond of. It applies to miscalling a cue, especially in the midst of the show. I can't allow myself to wallow in guilt over the mistakes made, if I do I'll lose focus and the mistakes will snowball. Instead, make note of the mistake (be it mentally or in writing if there's time), and move on to the next cue. Learn from the miscall, and don't mess it up next time.

It seems to me that attitude could serve quite well for the rest of life in general as well.

And with that thought, I'm off. Have a great weekend!

Smoke Detectors

This post could get weird, bear with me though--I think I might actually have a thought worth getting out for once!

For the last couple of days the weather here in Minnesota has been pretty amazingly tropical. Tuesday we reached over 100 degrees F (that F might stand for more than one word... just sayin'...) and we had 80% humidity. It was epic, but I was determined to use as little electricity as possible--no window air conditioner, and I had stubbornly refused to turn on the ceiling fan, contenting myself with merely throwing open all the windows & downing huge amounts of water...

Then the smoke detector started going off.

That's right, the title actually has something to do with this post too! I might be getting the hang of this whole titling thingummy...

But anyway, the smoke alarm went off. I was much perturbed, there was no way I was getting carbon monoxide poisoning (did I mention all the windows were open?), I couldn't smell any traces of smoke, let alone enough to set off the alarm (asthmatics have a pretty keen sense of these things...). My next guess was that the battery must be dying.

Following my hunch in the midst of the teeth-rattlingly pierce screams that were emitting from this fiendish device was not as simple as it sounded. I first had to find a chair that was tall enough for me to be able to read the miniscule camouflaged writing on the thing, then one that I could actually manipulate it from atop. Once I did that, I had to discover how to take this contraption off the ceiling, all while trying not to give into my impulse to just take a mallet to the whole thing to get it to shut up--because though I did find the "shut up button" (idk what it's really called, but that's what it became in my head...), it took me a while to figure out that while 1 push means "shut up", 2 means "scream more" and 3 means "scream louder". That was exciting to discover...

Once I finally managed to wrest the thing from the ceiling I realized that the problem couldn't be the battery... At least, I really really hope not, because it's hard-wired into the ceiling...

Only one option seemed left. I had heard of such things happening, but never actually witnessed it myself. Could it be possible? Apparently...

The humidity in my apartment had set off the smoke detector.

I conceded defeat to the weather, and finally turned on my ceiling fan, but to no avail. For the next couple of days I found myself periodically plagued by this thing, hoping in vain that the humidity would break, that the fan would keep the thing happy, that maybe--maybe--I'd be able to get the freaking demonic plastic nightmare from hell to shut up for the last four hours I was alotted to spend in bed before work.

No such luck.

Sooo, yeah... filed a work report with maintenance... Hopefully my neighbors will forgive me (I know for a fact I'm not the only one who's been having this trouble...).

But while thinking on something to write about today, I was reminded of an old friend I wish I could talk to & thought to myself: "There's an excellent object lesson to be learned here..."

Forgive me if this tires you, but I'm about to indulge in a (possibly ludicrous) metaphor. Maybe it's an allegory. I dunno yet, we'll hafta find out together...

Suppose that friends & family, and I'm talking about the close kind here, not just your casual "I see you once a week at the gym and we say hi" acquaintance--suppose we are a sort of smoke detector/alarm for each other. In our true and proper function, isn't that supposed to be how the Church works? We help each other out, we alert each other to danger both without and within ourselves--at its best, that is how the Church should function.

But suppose something goes wrong. Suppose we become terrible at communicating, and find ourselves unable to tell each other what we mean. Suppose we become so obsessed with appearances that we forget what we are supposed to be warning each other of and become simply an annoying shriek leaving others scrambling to shut us up.

On the flip side, suppose the problem someone is warning us about is something we don't want to hear. Suppose they are trying to tell us about one problem, but we don't think that's something that needs fixing right now, or we think it can wait, or we think we have everything under control and why don't they mind their own business? It's not until later when we wake up with a headache that we discover "oh, perhaps they were warning us of a legitimate problem".

Suppose the problem isn't necessarily independent of the smoke detector and the hapless victim of its shrieking, perhaps there's a problem between the two parties. Perhaps the breakdown of communication can only be manifest in pain, and that's the only way either party will admit that there's something wrong & becomes willing to do something to fix it.

Anyhoo, closing coffee shop. I'm off to hopefully not have to listen to Shrieky... we'll see.

Wave at strangers. Maybe they're not so strange after all... ;)

Happy Independence Day!

Alas, the coffee-shop is about to close--they're closing early today due to the holiday. So I'm going back to my apt. to write some non-bloggy stuff & maybe unpack... I may run away to the air-conditioned haven of the Fancy French Store later today...

In the meantime, happy 4th!