Wandering & Passion

Good grief I'm out of practice at this whole writing thing... Well, no time like the present to remedy that, and the only way I know how is to actually write... Huzzah forced writing! :P

I took a walk today to Target--it's about a 15 minute walk from my new place--and on the way there I saw an older gentleman standing outside an establishment wearing a top-hat and a bright red bowtie. Being the Doctor Who fangirl that I am, my immediate thought was "bowties are cool", my next was "omygoodness I want a top-hat!!" ...

Also on my ramblings I found out that the Wesley Methodist church holds AA meetings every Friday at noon... lol, but I'll let you just imagine how I found that out. ;D And no, I'm not an alcoholic, thanks for the vote of confidence...

 Here's a question for you: how do you measure a person's passion? How do you know where your passion lies & whether you ought to follow it or not?

I ask because I've been contacted several times by a very persuasive lady who is trying to talk me into being a Mary Kay consultant. No, it's not out of the blue, I was helping out my cousin who recently became a consultant for them, and one of the things she is supposed to be doing is recruiting--so I volunteered to have her practice on me. And at first I was rather intrigued, it sounded like it could be fun & worthwhile, so I looked into it closer. Then I had a conversation with Mum & she said something that completely changed my mind.

"You know, you'd end up having to choose between theatre & this, because your evenings would be spoken for."

When I realized that I completely lost all interest. I had to go back and tell the gracious gal that thank you, but I will not be participating. It was interesting because the night I explained my situation to her she had said something about "follow your passions". So when she called me again later that week I simply told her in a straightforward fashion: "My passions lie elsewhere, with theatre, and I have to follow that."

She said she's not giving up, but the poor gal might as well. My mind is made up.

But about passion--I didn't even truly "discover" theatre until, almost on a whim, I decided to major in it in college: "until God told me what He really wants me to do". Six years later, apparently He did, and here I am chasing it as a career and calling it my passion. I told someone shortly after I graduated that if I had to live in a cardboard box to pursue this, I would. Is that passion? I don't know.

I have met several people who truly love what they do--or who are doing what they can in order to reach that goal of doing what they love. I met a gal yesterday who is working three jobs in order to support herself until she can become established in her chosen passion of Graphic Design--that says passion to me. I know people who left friends and family and moved here in order that they might find more opportunities to pursue their art, that says passion to me.

In myself? Am I passionate about theatre? I think I am. I know I love to talk about it, to learn about it, to participate in its creation in almost (almost) any fashion. If you've had a conversation with me about a show I'm working on, have worked on, or am writing I'm sure you'll have noticed the change that occurs. What would I be willing to give up in order to practice this art? Perhaps a better question: what wouldn't I be willing to give up?

That latter question brings to mind another question: what other passions do I have? What defines passion?

Dictionary.com gives one definition as being "any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling". But digging a little deeper, the passion that I'm talking about is a more live-shaping passion. It seems about as ambiguous in our language as the word "love". Well, I suppose that's a given, since the two are sometimes used synonymously...

I think I've come to see the passion as being less of a choice, less of a thought-provoked state than love. Love is a choice, in my mind. In choosing to love someone I choose to put their wants & needs before my own, regardless of how I "feel" at the moment. In this fashion, I may not like a person & might be very angry with them, but having made that choice I put my feelings aside and love them anyway.

Passion strikes me as being more of a drive. It is a baser motivator. Passion is something that I may control my reaction to, but I don't know that I can control its origins. The difference between love born of duty & love born of passion is the one is a choice & the other is a given.

So when I say I am passionate about theatre, I may well be able to go for years without participating in this artform, but I would feel as though the vibrancy of life were halved for the duration of my fast. I can go for a long time without seeing the people I love passionately, but colours grow dim & flavours are less sweet.

For myself one question that haunts is this: I can say I love my God, but am I passionate about Him? Granted, passion ebbs and flows as a result of my being a temporal person for now. And yet... is my Love for Him born of duty? Or does it flame forth from passion? I know which I would rather...

Then again, can Duty itself be a form of Passion? Uffda, there's a whole other discussion.

My question to end this with: where are your passions? And what are you doing about them?