Blues

Here they are again, the pesky things.

I never know when they will invade, the melancholies. I like to think they are a random happenstance, that they strike without warning... but I know better. There is always a trigger, I just don't like admitting what it is most of the time. And no, stupidheads, it is NOT that "time of the month". :P

Even so, this is a remarkably irritating time to be hit with them. My birthday is this weekend, and I'm getting married next weekend--what is wrong with me that right now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry???

The temptation at this point is to think of myself as something worthless and broken--which I know is not true. Thankfully God has blessed me with many friends who have been able to open up with me & let me know that this way of feeling is perfectly normal for... well, for artists. For other people too, but for some reason the overactive imaginations that lead (or drag) a person to the arts also seems to lead to depression. And it's utterly ridiculous for me to feel this way right now, because I am one of the most blessed women in the world on the brink of what is supposed to be the happiest time/day of my life. I'm in the prime of my life (turning 25 on Saturday), about to marry the man of my craziest dreams, employed at a fantastic job with phenomenal people, talented, pretty, articulate, and loved by the Creator of the Universe (and I apparently know way too many adjectives...)!

But all it takes is one little thing--so tiny I'm not even sure of what it IS exactly--and that triggers a cascading system failure. I find myself fighting back waves of self-hatred, loathing, pity, despair, destruction, and anger at all around me and inside me. I start lashing out at my loved ones--not because they've done anything, but because I'm so angry at myself for feeling this way that the angst seeps into every part of my day. And that in turn makes me hate myself more and get angrier for what I'm doing to those around me, and it all turns into a vicious cycle--to be incredibly cliche about it all.

Writing helps though. Which brings me here, to this therapy-session of a blog post.

Wow, it's amazing the perspective a mere few hours will bring! I started this post this morning, and already by mid-afternoon life is looking fresher...

On a less depressing note... ;) Because who needs more emo? Blech... :P

"A fire drill demands a fire."
"When I drive, I think of squirrels as bonus points."
"I write... Therefore, I am your Agent of Chaos."
"Writer's Block? Dye a character's hair Hot Pink, then watch what happens."

Thank you Facebook Flair. ;)

Also, tomorrow is Friday! We're having a meeting at work tomorrow morning, and there will be breakfast coffee & pastries! Doesn't that sound wonderful? What's not to love about breakfast pastry?

Well, I hafta go. Almost leaving time, and I have to go home & take care of this ... well, this bristly clear hair growing out of the bridge of my nose. It's becoming a problem & I need to take care of it.

...yeah... on that note, happy Thursday all!