"Always Bring a Banana to a Party"

~The Doctor

Yikes it's been a while...

I thought about changing the title of this post to something not-a-flair-quote, but actually descriptive of what the content of this post was going to be--then I thought "why?" Honestly, if I were to name this something like, I don't know, "April Showers" or "Hermiting & the Life of an Introvert", I might manage to stay on topic. But what would be far more likely to happen would be staying on topic--if I'm clever & very very lucky--for roughly 14 words. Then I would follow some rabbit down a deep dark hole, drink a little eat-me-cake, and the rest would spin out of control from there.

Besides, I like this quote, so I'm keeping it.

I do have a couple of thing in mind to write about though. Chiefest among them is possibly a catching-up on what's been going on & why haven't I written on here in so very long?! Or, something like that...

I promised myself this wouldn't be just another passing fad.
I promised myself I would write regularly with this blog.
I promised myself not another night/week/month would go by without a new post.
I promised myself would call.
I promised myself I would write.
I promised myself I would visit.
I promised myself I wouldn't slip into the old habits again.
I promised myself I would clean.
I promised myself a lot of things...

Why don't I keep all these promises I make to myself?

I consider my word to be a binding thing--if I tell someone I will or won't do something, I follow through. I will bend over backwards to keep my word--which is why I'm very cautious about giving it. Except, I never feel obligated to keep such promises when made to myself. Why?

I was once asked by a very dear friend "Why do you undervalue your own opinion so much?" In the moment I didn't realize I was doing it, I thought I was just being honest about it's worth, but looking back I realized she was right. I was devaluing my own pain. Could it be something similar that happens when I don't keep these promises to myself? I'm not important, why bother. Anyone else is important enough to keep a promise to, but not myself.

"Love thy neighbour as thyself" the commandment says... Can I honestly value others if I deny my own value in the sight of my King?

While in undergrad I learned a tough (for me) but valuable lesson: I can't take care of anyone else well if I don't look after myself.

Well then. I feel kind of stupid when this happens, but I appear to have forgotten something essential yet again.

How's this: I promise you, and myself, that I will write on this blog every Wednesday. Let's see if I can't keep one to myself, & I'll move on from there.

Now, on a completely unrelated (maybe?) topic: This year was the first I remember every observing the season of Lent, and it was very educational. Ash Wednesday I also observed (it fell on my birthday, ironically enough), and that was beautiful, but I think Lent I learned the most from this year.

I fasted from fictional books. Mind you, I love books. My own personal heaven is a cozy chair, a fluffy blanket, a bowl of dark chocolate peanut m&m's, and a room full of my favorite novels accompanied by a schedule completely free of obligations. So seriously, over a month without!? Yeah... let's do it... I love Jesus lots...

I thought I would spend more time writing, praying, and reading books like "The Case for Christ", "Classics of Philosophy", and... oh gee, maybe THE BIBLE... As it turned out, I just played a lot more video games.

It was a nice idea, and very well-intentioned at least.

Easter came (why do we call it "Easter" anyway? What does that have to do with Resurrection Sunday?? Please tell me if you know!), and I thought "well bummer, that was a failure of a Lent fast!" But I'm reconsidering...

To the well-organized mind, is anything ever really a failure? No, I didn't accomplish what I wanted to, but that needn't mean I go without learning from the experience. Introspection & evaluation of the whole Lent idea & my own experience can show a lot about God & myself, and our relationship...

For instance: If I want to coax my brain into writing, passively taking away forms of entertainment simply isn't going to cut it. I am very much a lazy person sometimes; if one form of entertainment is taken away my natural inclination is--far from going & being productive--to go & find something else to play. I will even, on occasion, resort to staring into space instead of doing something productive! Much as it may disgust me to admit, nothing can be done to fix it if I refuse to acknowledge the problem exists. :P

Also, a random thought I thought when Lent first started: I began counting down the days till Easter (life soon became too crazed & insane to keep that up, but I did it once) and I wondered... Do you think Christ counted down the days while He was in the desert & fasted? Did He look forward to the fulfillment of His wandering with anticipation? Or did He just give over all future events to His Father and focus on living completely and totally in each moment He lived as it came to Him?

I wonder, how to balance the joy of living in the present with the need to prepare for the future--even knowing the future we prepare for may never actually reach us...

Well, I hafta run. There's been a new Doctor Who episode out since Saturday and I haven't seen it yet!! Probably because I've had my nose buried in a book since Sunday... hehehe...

By the by, watch out for those dandelions. My nephew's informed me that they're taking over the world... just thought ya might need to know. No need to worry about the Zombie Apocalypse, the dandelions will be taking over first. :)