Life is short, read fast.

Lots has happened over the last couple of days... I confess, I got rather distracted from writing on here... :) Okay, so not really *lots*, but I've thought of (and remembered! miracle of miracles!) a lot to write about, so it seems like more has happened than really has.

Lets see, thing number one...

I recently (yesterday? the day before? eh, "recently" is close enough) re-read all of the posts I've posted here, and noticed a running trend: I tend to write a lot about how I can't remember/think of anything to write, but I write about that when all else fails. This strikes me as a rather lame habit to get into, and I shall attempt to refrain from such practices hereafter. I make no promises to that effect, mind you, but I shall put forth my best effort! (I'm haunted by the voice of Yoda: "Do, or do not. There is no "try". Yeah? well... It's my blog & I'll try if I want to! :P So there!) Thanks to those of you who bore through them--hopefully there are better times to come! :) Other than that, it was rather entertaining to go back through them & remember.

I've thought of another good reason for keeping a blog! It came to me Sunday after church. I've mainly been posting because I think it's a good practice as a writer to keep myself disciplined in some kind of writing on a regular basis. (Hopefully this discipline will progress to more structured/profitable writing, but one step at a time.) I think another good reason for keeping this will be to be able to say all of those things I usually keep bottled inside.

Don't worry, I'm not talking about using this as a rant-haven--I wouldn't do that to you, or to myself. It's irritating enough realizing that I have a rant, let alone listening to it. I have no desire to put others through that & try to apologize to those who are willing to listen when I do. No, what I'm talking about is something more like the following.

In class on Sunday we were discussing... 'kay, I'll be honest, I don't really remember what the main lesson was. But the discussion turned toward the affection Paul felt for the Church in Rome, and how the Church is supposed to feel for each other & take care of each other. The list Paul made sounded challenging to me, but (with Christ) doable. I was about to pipe up & say something, but another person in class beat me to it & said that she could easily imagine herself feeling such things (like sacrificial love) for her children or family, but couldn't see herself giving, say, her life, for a stranger. One thing led to another, one person after another spoke over/before me, and, before I knew it, what I had to say no longer pertained to the discussion. But it stuck with me, and has been running through my head ever since. Knowing me & stuff like this, it'll likely just stick around until I get it out somehow. So, here we are!

So often today I hear it, I see it, and I feel the pressure to find "that special someone". It's all over, the church, the media, music, movies, books, friends, family, this idea seems to have permeated the culture of today. I can't really say that's strange or unexpected--but hey, I'm a single chica, and I'm still loving life here!

One of my favorite class periods in Senior Year Experience last year was when Dr. Bob spoke on relationships--and on singleness. So often in the church singleness seems to be set aside as merely a waiting game. God will being you your "other half" soon, just be patient & wait for the right one--or, if you're the more adventurous type, get out there & find them!

But what if there's more to it then that. What if being single is not the same thing as being alone? My classmate brought up a valid point--for a mother & a wife it's easy to imagine giving your life for your husband or children, but hard to imagine being that willing to die for a stranger.

I would posit that for someone unattached to a significant other, such a thing is easier to imagine--giving one's own life for a stranger, I mean. I speak only from my own limited experience, and from what I've been told by others. However, Paul writes that if you have the strength to remain pure while being single, such is the course of preference. In such a state we are better able to serve God, being able to focus more completely on Him and not being distracted by the responsibilities of a family. My heart's main attachment is of another world, so I hold less tightly to my life here. If the Kingdom could be best served by my death, I honestly think I would be able--willing, even, to give it freely. If I were to gain a romantic interest however, I think my life would seem more precious, I would find more to live for here.

Not that that's a bad thing, being single is not for the faint of heart... ;) God knows, I've wished for more than I will ever tell while still in this form. But, I've seen how much I can do while going without. I'm not lacking my other half, I am one person, whole & complete. My heart is undivided in its object of affection--and because of that, I am learning to love others more completely.

Louisa May Alcott wrote in her book "Eight Cousins" something to the effect of this: old maid aunties and bachelor uncles were put in this world for a purpose, to receive and nurture the affections of those children whose parents are too busy to do such themselves. This precious love would otherwise often be left without a recipient, and would wither away to nothing.

This is what I want to do. I don't want to fritter away my time waiting for a prince charming that might not (probably doesn't) even exist. What a waste! I want--and am pretty certain God wants too--to use what I've been given. And I've been given the gift, the blessing, of being "single".

Single, but never alone. Never unloved, and never--never never!--unloving.

Yep, that's been running around in my head for a while. Some other things that have been running include:

I watched more anime than I ever should've in the last couple of days... and as a result I'm going on strike from it. :P Who ever introduced me to that stuff anyway?! The really irritating thing about it is--at least with the stuff I was watching--you can't even do anything else and watch it at the same time! No, complete attention must be devoted to reading the subtitles! Ah well, at least they only come in 22 minute bits...

Today I began the day with--not a schedule! Instead I have a to-do list with a bunch of deadlines (real ones too, not just self-imposed! Be impressed, that's right, I live in the real world!). So when my plans got shot by other things happening I was able to end the day (rather, will be able to end the day... later) guilt-free! Some of the stuff was accomplished, I will be able to accomplish the rest. Huzzah no guilt! I'm always more productive when I have less baggage to carry. :)

That which threw my plans was actually my nephew coming over today! The 4yrold, Aaron, had a date with "Grammy" today, to decorate the Christmas tree. I helped, and "Poppy" sat nearby reading his book--and laughing at us discreetly, I'm sure. :) The tree looks far less bare than it did this morning, and far more cheerful. It was kind of interesting, some of those ornaments are older than I am! They were got on my parents' first tour in Germany, I was had during the second. German ornaments are so very ... wonderful! :)

After decorating the tree, Dad (Poppy) and I had fun wrestling with Aaron. He would no sooner be "rescued" by one of us than we would have him squealing for help from the other. At one point we were playing tug-of-war with him, he laughed uproariously the whole time, of course. :D

Anyhoo, I should be heading off to bed. This whole not-being-nocturnal thing is only barely working, so I'm going to try sleeping at night & seeing if that helps. Sweet dreams!